Sacrifices: costly prosocial behaviors in romantic relationships

Although previous research has found that prosocial behavior increases personal and relationship well-being, a particularly costly type of prosocial behavior — sacrifice — can sometimes have aversive effects and is the focus of the current review. We consider effects for both the individual who enacts the sacrifice and the recipient. Sacrifice, can take a toll on the giver's well-being, is a mixed blessing for the recipient (when they perceive the sacrifice), and may have some harmful consequences for relationships in the long-run. We discuss the importance of finding the right strategies (e.g. alternative solutions, comparison of costs and rewards between partners, reappraisals) to navigate these complex interpersonal situations in which partners' goals and preferences conflict

Relationship functioning following a large-scale sacrifice: perceived partner prosociality buffers attachment insecurity

In a sample of 229 individuals who recently undertook a large-scale sacrifice by relocating for their romantic partner’s job or schooling (i.e., accompanying partners), we tested preregistered predictions linking accompanying partners’ attachment insecurities (i.e., attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance) and relationship functioning (i.e., relationship quality, relationship conflict, and move-related relationship benefits). We also examined whether any negative associations found among accompanying partners’ attachment insecurities and relationship functioning could be buffered by partner prosociality in the form of perceived partner gratitude (i.e., partners’ expressions of move-related and general gratitude) and perceived partner sacrifice (i.e., partners’ daily sacrifice behaviors and general willingness to sacrifice). Results showed that more insecurely attached accompanying partners reported worse relationship functioning after moving than their secure counterparts. Although gratitude and sacrifice did not buffer insecurely attached individuals’ relationship conflict, both perceived partner general gratitude and willingness to sacrifice partially buffered avoidantly attached individuals from experiencing lower relationship quality, while move-related gratitude helped avoidantly attached individuals to feel that the move benefitted their relationship. Meanwhile, perceived partner sacrifice behaviors buffered anxiously attached individuals from experiencing lower relationship quality. This is the first study to demonstrate, in an ecologically valid sample, the implications of a large-scale sacrifice for insecurely attached accompanying partners’ relationship functioning, as well as the protective effects of perceiving a partner’s prosociality following the major life transition of job relocation

Me or us? Self-control promotes a healthy balance between personal and relationship concerns.

Although romantic partners strive to achieve an optimal balance in fulfilling both personal and relational concerns, they are inevitably challenged by how much time and effort they can dedicate to both concerns. In the present work, we examined the role of self-control in successfully maintaining personal–relational balance through promoting balance and preventing personal and relational imbalance (overdedication to personal or relational concerns, respectively). We conducted two studies among romantic couples (total N ¼ 555), using questionnaires and diary procedures to assess everyday experiences of personalrelational balance and imbalance. Both studies consistently showed that self-control promotes personal–relational balance. Moreover, findings partly supported our hypothesis that self-control prevents personal and relational imbalance (Study 2). Finally, findings also revealed that maintaining personal–relational balance is one of the mechanisms by which self-control can promote personal and relationship well-being. Implications of the present findings and avenues for future research are discussed

Understanding the links between perceiving gratitude and romantic relationship satisfaction using an accuracy and bias framework

Perceiving a partner’s gratitude has several benefits for romantic relationships. We aimed to better understand these associations by decomposing perceptions into accuracy and bias. Specifically, we examined whether accuracy and bias in perceiving a partner’s experience (Study 1: Ndyads= 205) and expression (Study 2: Ndyads= 309) of gratitude were associated with romantic relationship satisfaction. Using the Truth and Bias Model of Judgment, we found that perceivers generally underestimated their partner’s gratitude, and lower perceptions of gratitude were related to lower perceiver satisfaction. Perceivers reported greater satisfaction when they assumed their partner’s gratitude was similar to their own. Partners reported greater satisfaction when perceivers accurately gauged their partners’ gratitude experience (but not expression) and lower satisfaction when perceivers underestimated their gratitude expression (but not experience). Overall, by decomposing gratitude perceptions into accuracy and bias, we provide insight into how these components differentially relate to relationship satisfaction

How can I thank you? Highlighting the benefactor’s responsiveness or costs when expressing gratitude

Despite growing evidence that showing gratitude plays a powerful role in building social connections, little is known about how to best express gratitude to maximize its relational benefits. In this research, we examined how two key ways of expressing gratitude—conveying that the benefactor’s kind action met one’s needs (responsiveness-highlighting) and acknowledging how costly the action was (cost-highlighting)—impact benefactors’ reactions to the gratitude and feelings about their relationship. Using observer ratings of gratitude expressions during couples’ live interactions (N = 111 couples), and benefactors’ self-reports across a 14-day experience sampling study (N = 463 daily reports), we found that responsiveness-highlighting was associated with benefactors’ positive feelings about the gratitude expression and the relationship. In contrast, cost-highlighting had no such effect. These findings suggest that expressing gratitude in a way that highlights how responsive benefactors were may be critical to reaping the relational benefits of gratitude and have practical implications for improving couples’ well-being

Relational mobility predicts social behaviors in 39 countries and is tied to historical farming and threat

International audienc

Machine learning uncovers the most robust self-report predictors of relationship quality across 43 longitudinal couples studies

Given the powerful implications of relationship quality for health and well-being, a central mission of relationship science is explaining why some romantic relationships thrive more than others. This large-scale project used machine learning (i.e., Random Forests) to 1) quantify the extent to which relationship quality is predictable and 2) identify which constructs reliably predict relationship quality. Across 43 dyadic longitudinal datasets from 29 laboratories, the top relationship-specific predictors of relationship quality were perceived-partner commitment, appreciation, sexual satisfaction, perceived-partner satisfaction, and conflict. The top individual-difference predictors were life satisfaction, negative affect, depression, attachment avoidance, and attachment anxiety. Overall, relationship-specific variables predicted up to 45% of variance at baseline, and up to 18% of variance at the end of each study. Individual differences also performed well (21% and 12%, respectively). Actor-reported variables (i.e., own relationship-specific and individual-difference variables) predicted two to four times more variance than partner-reported variables (i.e., the partner’s ratings on those variables). Importantly, individual differences and partner reports had no predictive effects beyond actor-reported relationship-specific variables alone. These findings imply that the sum of all individual differences and partner experiences exert their influence on relationship quality via a person’s own relationship-specific experiences, and effects due to moderation by individual differences and moderation by partner-reports may be quite small. Finally, relationship-quality change (i.e., increases or decreases in relationship quality over the course of a study) was largely unpredictable from any combination of self-report variables. This collective effort should guide future models of relationships

A nice surprise:Sacrifice expectations and partner appreciation in romantic relationships

Romantic partners regularly encounter conflicts of interests and sacrifice their self-interest for their partner or the relationship. But is this relationship maintenance behavior always appreciated by the partner receiving the sacrifice? We examined whether expectations of sacrifices (i.e., beliefs that sacrifices are necessary, normal, and expected in relationships) predict people’s appreciation for their partner and, ultimately, their relationship satisfaction. Utilizing a daily experience procedure among romantic couples in the Netherlands (N = 253 individuals), we found that when participants perceived a partner’s sacrifice, they experienced greater partner appreciation (i.e., gratitude and respect) and, in turn, felt more satisfied with their relationship when their sacrifice expectations were low, rather than high. In contrast, perceiving a partner’s sacrifice had no effect on appreciation and relationship satisfaction when the sacrifice recipient held strong sacrifice expectations. These findings illustrate the power that expectations have in influencing the receiver’s appreciation of their partner’s pro-social behavior

The Burden of Empathy: Partners' Responses to Divergence of Interests in Daily Life

Empathy has often been discussed as a beneficial process from which favorable individual and interpersonal experiences may be derived. The present work investigates whether empathy may sometimes be a burden rather than a benefit, under certain interpersonal circumstances. Specifically, we hypothesized that encountering situations of divergence of interests with a partner may cause discomfort, and that empathizing with one's partner would exacerbate this discomfort, resulting in higher levels of negative mood and stress that can affect relationship satisfaction. We tested these hypotheses using innovative experience sampling methodology in which both partners reported on their experiences in their natural environments. In support, we found that when people encountered divergence of interests with one's partner, as compared with when they did not, they experienced higher negative mood and stress and, consequently, lower relationship satisfaction. These effects were intensified, rather than reduced, by empathy