Caduff, Carlo Antoni

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                       King’s Research Portal  DOI:10.14506/ca32.1.02Document VersionPublisher's PDF, also known as Version of recordLink to publication record in King's Research PortalCitation for published version (APA):Caduff, C. A. (2017). Speed Crash Course. CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY, 12-20.https://doi.org/10.14506/ca32.1.02Citing this paperPlease note that where the full-text provided on King's Research Portal is the Author Accepted Manuscript or Post-Print version this maydiffer from the final Published version. If citing, it is advised that you check and use the publisher's definitive version for pagination,volume/issue, and date of publication details. 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Oct. 2023CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY, Vol. 32, Issue 1, pp. 12–20, ISSN 0886-7356, online ISSN 1548-1360.  by the AmericanAnthropological Association. All rights reserved. DOI: 10.14506/ca32.1.02Openings and RetrospectivesSPEED CRASH COURSECARLO CADUFFKing’s College Londonhttp://orcid.org/0000-0003-4505-3408Warning: The speed crash course is not suited for EVERYONE . . . Somereaders might find it stressful and prefer a much more relaxed approach to . . . !In a nutshell . . . for readers in a rush . . . Need a jargon-free explanation of. . . ? You’ll find it here! The speed crash course . . . provides everything youneed to know . . . Discover how and why things can go . . . You’ll get a crystal-clear introduction to . . . and insight into issues such as . . .The author is an expert of . . .There’s no better introduction to . . . than . . . !To survive in this fast-moving WORLD . . . you need to keep up with things. . . It’s difficult to sit down and find the time to . . .The fact is . . . there’s no time . . . not even for . . . !The speed crash course . . . brought to you by Quick CA Enterprises . . . willteach you everything . . . You’ll get the basics . . . and some guidance . . . inSPEED CRASH COURSE13five minutes or less! I’ve crash-coursed the subject . . . to reveal the big picture. . . in no time . . . you’ll figure it out!I’ve done my best to be concise . . .You’ll instantly get what it is . . . and how it WORKS in the real world! You’lllearn how your attitude . . . applies to . . . including . . . You’ll discover . . .the power of . . . You’ll access an incredible force . . .This energy, vitality, and strength . . .This feeling of infinity . . .The speed crash course . . . will drive you . . . !Once you’ve completed the crash course . . . you’ll push the boundaries . . . anddetermine how fast you can go . . . You’ll accelerate things . . . and make themost of the time you’ve got!On a side note: I’ve raced through my entire life . . . I’ve got a few stories totell you . . . in my own words . . . in my own style!Now take a few MINUTES . . . if possible . . . and consider the following . . .It’s 5:15 . . .Reading takes time . . . so much time! What if you could go faster? Imagine whatyou could do . . . in no time . . . once you increase . . . the speed of yourreading . . .You could get . . . much faster . . . to the END!Speed-reading has been around a long time . . . George Washington was a speed-reader . . . Thomas Jefferson was a speed-reader . . . Abraham Lincoln was aspeed-reader . . . Theodore Roosevelt was a speed-reader . . . John F. Kennedywas a speed-reader . . .Pressed for time? Join the club . . . crash-course now!You can easily . . . double the speedofyourreading . . . trust me . . . and give ita shot . . .It won’t take much time to overcome your HURDLES . . . improve your con-centration . . . control your eye movements . . . expand your visual power . . .CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY 32:114I’ve great techniques for you to use . . .You’ll soon read multiple words at a time . . . with only one fixation point!Speed-readers tend to forget what they just read . . . What they need is a memorystick . . . a memory hack . . . some professional advice . . . Need to memorizethings quickly? Repetition won’t work! Here are a few steps to memorize thingsfaster . . .1. Prepare and avoid distractions . . .2. Start drinking some tea . . .3. Write EVERYTHING down . . .4. Teach it to someone . . .5. Take a break . . .The time?It’s 5:15 . . .Fixation points: Girl of nine . . . on the M9 . . . killed in a crash . . . three-carcollision . . . but in-between . . . drivers fled the scene . . . she SCREAMEDin terror . . . down the road . . . on the opposite side . . . the car swerves tothe right . . . at this point . . . God forbid . . . there’s a killer on the road . . .a woman . . . squeezed through the gap . . . she pulls a stop . . . now time seemsto slow . . . in the silent rain . . . on the motorway . . . a man and a woman. . . also killed . . .No need to read this again . . . (regressing) . . . instead turn the page . . .(progressing) . . . Now focus on . . . four words at a time . . . pace yourself. . . through your books . . . be persistent . . . stick to your PLAN . . . continueto read . . . with purpose . . . change your habits . . . read on schedule . . . usea clock . . . control your speed . . . Imagine . . . all the free time . . . you’llinstantly get . . .Achieve more with . . .It’s the secret to success!Crush-on-crash?Got it!SPEED CRASH COURSE15The time?It’s 5:15 . . .MY PAGE-TURNER COLLECTIONOn speed you must read . . . (sorry to abbreviate but I must accelerate)1. Virilio: Speed and Politics2. Kundera: Slowness3. Wolin: What Time Is It?4. Duffy: The Speed Handbook5. Kerouac: On the Road6. Ballard: Crash7. Derrida: Speed and Phenomena8. Marinetti: The Futurist Cookbook9. Connolly: Thinking, Culture, Speed10. De Quincey: The English Mail-Coach11. Koselleck: Is There an Acceleration of History?12. Rosa: High-Speed Society13. Barthes: The Jet-Man14. Céline: NorthIt’s called shortlisting . . .The beauty of . . .Accelerating miracles!Life’s a COMPETITION (not just on TV) . . . If you wanna win . . . and reallysucceed . . . anticipate the trend . . .The next big thing?The ultrafast machine!I wish . . . I had millions to invest . . .Apologies . . . for the sharp transition . . . but . . .Korea is the land of speed!CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY 32:116A SYLLOGISM (TO SAVE TIME)Speed is time . . . savedTime is money . . .Speed is money . . . saved!PHYSICS 101Scalars and vectors . . . remember the difference . . . speed . . . a scalar quantity. . . velocity . . . a vector quantity . . . If you don’t know what the HELL . . .go back and . . .Speed is velocity without direction . . .To pick up speed . . . is to go faster . . . without knowing . . . where you’regoing . . .Don’t ask me for directions!The time?It’s 5:15 . . .HOT PURSUITThe crash-for-cash driver (caught in the act) . . . staging a COLLISION . . . topocket your money . . .Everything will be revealed . . . by the man in the hair salon . . .If . . . on a winter’s night . . . a car . . .USWUltimate Speed Writing . . . is the driver’s guide . . . to writing faster . . . In thisurgent and extremely gipping book . . . award-winning speed-writer . . . coverseverything you need to know . . . to become a more complete . . . Taking readersalong . . . on a fascinating journey . . . the master of the nonfiction narrativepresents a series of detailed DRILLS . . . and practical TECHNIQUES . . .In less than six hours . . . you will learn how to write . . . at speeds of fortywords per minute . . .SPEED CRASH COURSE17TELEGRAPHIC SUMMARY (MIDWAY)EVERYONE STOP WORLD STOP WORKS STOP MINUTES STOP ENDSTOP HURDLES STOP EVERYTHING STOP SCREAMED STOP PLAN STOPSPEED STOP COMPETITION STOP HELL STOP COLLISION STOP DRILLSSTOP TECHNIQUES STOPCATCH UP (ON SPEED IN HASTE)Speed is excess . . . a thing that’s always ahead . . .To understand what it is . . . abandon yourself . . . to the LIFE of the object!Catch up with . . . and get ahead of . . .The death of distance . . .You can’t miss . . . this great opportunity . . . while the rest of the WORLD. . . races ahead . . .Abbreviate to accelerate is my motto . . . As you can see I fell in love with myobject . . . it took a while . . . but now things are going . . . really fast . . .It’s the ride of my life!The ultimate transgression!It got me . . . ahead of myself . . .The time?It’s 5:15 . . .STARS DOWN TO EARTHLast month . . . you were eager to press FORWARD . . . but could not . . .because Mercury was retrograde . . . Sitting back and wait . . . is not your style. . . but to go against Mercury retrograde . . . was out of sync . . . with thevibrations at play . . . Now . . . with nothing to hold you back . . . you can goagain . . . full speed ahead . . . !The pace of life will slow down . . . from April through September . . . a verylong time . . . so put your foot to the pedal . . . and speed ahead . . . while allconditions are right for you . . . You will notice that the tempo of life . . . willpick up noticeably by February . . . when Mercury will have fine-tuned its orbitCULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY 32:118. . . Mars will make you eager to succeed . . . so develop your strategy . . . foryour aim must be PERFECT . . . You will defend your ideas passionately . . .and others will be drawn to you immediately . . . because of the attractive energyyou display . . .TEN WAYS TO SLOW DOWN (AND STILL GET THINGS DONE)1. Disc.2. Do ntg.3. Stare at pctr.4. Appreciate ntr.5. Focus on frnds.6. Choose an actv.7. Block tm.8. Eat lss.9. Say n.10. Brth.LOVE OF THE ULTRAFAST MACHINESinking fast? Need a break? This machine will serve you well!In the blink of an eye . . . it will make you SLOW down . . . It’s easy to handle. . . will never break down . . .We at Slow Ventures believe . . . that the future is very bright . . . and verydifferent than the present!Technology is our DNA . . .Flyover LivingTM . . . has been designed . . . to hasten things . . .So that you can rest . . . and take more time . . .Say goodbye . . . to the big hurry!Get rid of all the STRESS . . .Let someone else . . . be on call!The time?It’s 5:15 . . .SPEED CRASH COURSE19SPEED IN HEAVENRacing ahead . . . through the sky . . . five miles high . . .Seeking DISTRACTIONS . . . to pass the time . . .Reading . . . writing . . . watching . . . waiting . . .Delivered like a package . . . to a destination . . .Motionless . . . on the way to . . .Inert . . . in a rusty can . . . heading toward . . .I’m on it! I’m on it! I’m on it!Passenger or pilot?Speed . . . strapped me into a seat . . . and slowed me down . . .Plastered with waste and plastic . . .I’m craving for a crash . . .STANDSTILLSorry to interrupt your journey . . .but revolutions are an attempt . . .by passengers on a train . . .to pull the emergency brake . . .(Benjamin)TRIAGE (IN THE EVENT OF AN EMERGENCY)Black you can’t be help . . .Red you can be helped . . .Yellow your treatment can be delayed . . .White you’re FINE . . .THOUGHTS ON WAR (FULL SPEED)You are on prompt global strike mission now . . . you can attack any place onthe PLANET . . . in a matter of hours or less . . . You can tailor the attack forCULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY 32:120the actual target . . . and deliver it very quickly . . . with the shortest time lines. . .No delays! Not now!Lift up your head . . . and push the button . . . and join the war . . . on timeand space . . .THOUGHTS ON DEATH (HOW TO GET AHEAD OF)Sudden death . . . preferable to . . . slow death . . .The shortcut . . . in case of . . .A list . . . with OPTIONS . . . to meet your end . . . in a timely fashion . . .1. Drowning2. Heart attack (very common)3. Bleeding (speed of death depends on type of bleeding)4. Decapitation (nearly instantaneous)5. Electrocution6. Fall from height (if possible aim to land feet first)7. Hanging (speed of death depends on hangman’s skill)8. Lethal injection (is it really painless?)9. Explosive decompression (it takes your breath away)Apropos drowning (first option) . . . here’s another example . . . of telegraphiclyricism . . . from the TITANIC . . . to give you directions . . .WE ARE SINKING FAST STOP PASSENGERS ARE BEING PUT INTO BOATSSTOP PLEASE ADVISEThis is speed culture talking . . .It’s typing, not writing!The time?It’s 5:15 . . .ACKNOWLEDGMENTSMy thanks to Maria José de Abreu, Angie Heo, Tara Mahfoud, Rudolf Mrázek, AbinThomas, the Culture, Medicine, and Power research group, and the editors of this Openingscollection: Vincent Duclos, Tomás Sánchez Criado, and Vinh-Kim Nguyen.

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Speed Crash Course

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Speed Crash Course

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