The pursuit of virginity in Thai gay culture: the exploration through autoethnographic letter-writing

Abstract

This part is the abstract of my doctoral thesis or the electronic letters I have written to many addressees. In case someone else comes across this abstract, Sawatdee Krub. My thesis and the letters I wrote are about virginity, a controversial concept that receives much criticism. However, the maintenance of virginity seemed to be important to me, a gay from Bangkok, Thailand, until I reached the age of thirty when I decided to lose it. Why is virginity valued, and sexual intercourse to be refrained from and discouraged? This thesis aims to understand this phenomenon through letter writing. But why letters? You might be curious. These 12 electronic letters represent the whole journey I had engaged in virginity since 2021 when I wrote - typed - monthly explorations to my supervisor, Jonathan Wyatt. Inspired by Laurel Richardson’s writing as a method of inquiry, I began my journey by including stories, articles, and literature that relate to sex and virginity. Another essential element is autoethnography. This methodology uses the researcher’s personal experiences and connects them to the culture, disclosing self-stories and vulnerability and then creating a format that retrospectively looks like writing a letter to someone close. It encompasses both personal and professional elements. This autoethnographic letter format provides the space to reflect by going back and forth between past and present, academic and personal selves, and between myself and other addressees, you, for example. Therefore, I kept this format and recrafted all monthly letters to be written to significant others, including my family members, gay best friends, therapist, supervisor, Examiners, and even myself. The first letter began with the story of the night I lost my virginity. Then, each crafted letter was written to trace back and understand what societal and cultural elements in family, school, and the wider society - Thailand - seemed to affect the understanding of sex and virginity. The secrecy of sex talk, sexuality education in the Thai educational curriculum, Buddhist and Christian doctrines and HIV/AIDS were narrated in respective letters. Attitudes during the time I grew up seemed to discourage sex. Virginity was valued. The plot seemed to thicken when it connected to my Phet (Thai gender and sexuality) as a gay. Being gay or kathoey (Transgender men) was tolerated but not accepted in my childhood and young years. I brought you to witness the heteronormativity/heterosexism and the hegemony of two genders in Thailand. Like me, the other Phets/genders seemed to be against the norm. Panopticon, disciplinary power, and poststructuralist thinkers were engaged to show how my gay friends and I were bullied and disrespected, which crystallised in my 8th letter of the idea of being a good person or Kon Dee in the Thai context. This keyword encompassed desirable and admirable qualities of Thai society that guaranteed safety and love for Thai gays. Virginity or refraining from sex seemed to be one of the manifestations of being Kon Dee. Metaphorically, it was like a cloak gathered round me. Thai gays might experience the condition of Kon Dee differently in their own life. Still, this condition/discourse needs to be recognised, reflected on, or challenged by gay people or Thai LGBTQ+. Perhaps not only gay people but family members, counsellors, or general readers, both Thai and internationally, may also benefit from engaging with these letters reflectively and critically. These letters could be helpful for gender/sexuality equality. I hope you will enjoy this letter/thesis