The ideas of mathematics can provide metaphors to help people handle traumatic situations, or to better understand life experiences. In this short note, the author describes three ways in which the study of mathematics has given her ways to cope with her own difficult experiences

Sine, Veronica G

English

Scholarship@Claremont

Journal of Humanistic Mathematics Volume 10 | Issue 1 January 2020 The Healing Powers of Mathematics in the Age of #metoo Veronica G. Sine An Anonymous University Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarship.claremont.edu/jhm  Part of the Other Mathematics Commons Recommended Citation Sine, V. G. "The Healing Powers of Mathematics in the Age of #metoo," Journal of Humanistic Mathematics, Volume 10 Issue 1 (January 2020), pages 364-367. DOI: 10.5642/jhummath.202001.17 . Available at: https://scholarship.claremont.edu/jhm/vol10/iss1/17 ©2020 by the authors. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License. JHM is an open access bi-annual journal sponsored by the Claremont Center for the Mathematical Sciences and published by the Claremont Colleges Library | ISSN 2159-8118 | http://scholarship.claremont.edu/jhm/ The editorial staff of JHM works hard to make sure the scholarship disseminated in JHM is accurate and upholds professional ethical guidelines. However the views and opinions expressed in each published manuscript belong exclusively to the individual contributor(s). The publisher and the editors do not endorse or accept responsibility for them. See https://scholarship.claremont.edu/jhm/policies.html for more information. The Healing Powers of Mathematicsin the Age of #metooVeronica G. SineAn Anonymous University, USAveronica.g.sine@gmail.comSynopsisThe ideas of mathematics can provide metaphors to help people handle traumaticsituations, or to better understand life experiences. In this short note, the authordescribes three ways in which the study of mathematics has given her ways tocope with her own difficult experiences.It’s common to hear about a student’s grades suffering after they’ve beenthrough a trauma. After all, it is hard to concentrate when you are goingthrough something awful, whether it’s a death in the family, sexual assault,or any other particularly terrible experience. It’s less common to hear aboutpeople escaping into their mathematics classes, though it certainly happens.I found mathematics to be a refuge during a time of crisis. Later, I foundthat mathematics gave me metaphors that helped me understand and processwhat I’d been through.Content warning: This article includes domestic violence and sexual as-sault.———o———0———o———When I was an undergraduate, I was in a relationship with a controllingand jealous boyfriend. The abuse escalated quickly. Eventually I was not“allowed” to spend time with others or go out for any reason other thanwork or class. He shouted at me for hours, calling me names like “stupid”or “slut” or “worthless.” I was walking on eggshells to avoid angering him.Journal of Humanistic Mathematics Volume 10 Number 1 (January 2020)Veronica G. Sine 365He used threats to control me. I lacked the experience to understand thatwhat he was doing was wrong. In particular, this kind of thing wasn’t talkedabout at my selective liberal arts college. In my mind, the word “abuse”described what happened to poor women or uneducated women, not smartmiddle-class women like me.In this context, my math classes were a respite. Class time was my onlyopportunity to be free. In mathematics class, I didn’t have to think aboutmy boyfriend’s fits of rage. I could forget about the abuse for a little while bybecoming absorbed in analysis or number theory or something else that fullyengaged my mind. Mathematics offered me an escape from my unhappiness.One day a fellow student came to my aid. He knocked on the door of mydorm room while my boyfriend was away. He said, “When I grew up, mydad used to beat up my mom. From what I’m hearing through the wall, Ithink your boyfriend is abusing you.” I completely and totally denied this,insisting that everything was fine. The truth was, I was scared to admit whatwas happening, even to myself. In spite of my denials, his words started tosink in, opening a crack through which light began to flow. I think of thatmoment as a turning point, where I learned to tell myself that the way I wasbeing treated was not okay. In the moment, I couldn’t say it out loud to myfellow student. He had no way of knowing if he had helped me at all.In the same way, research in pure mathematics does not always immediatelyseem useful or important. I think of number theory, once considered themost pure of mathematical subjects, and how it later turned out to haveapplications in computer science and cryptography. In much the way thatmy fellow student’s words might have seemed to have no effect, pure math-ematics may seem pointless to people who are more interested in real worldapplications. But that student gave me a great gift by sharing those wordswith me, never knowing if they would have any impact. I am very comfort-able doing research that has no apparent real-world applications. Now I alsotry to do good things for people without expecting an immediate result. Re-search in domestic violence shows that many victims go back to their abusersmore than once in the process of trying to break it off. It can be frustratingfor friends and family to watch, wondering why their loved one doesn’t justleave. Just as it may take some time to fully appreciate the applicationsof number theory, it may take time for supportive words to make a visibledifference in someone’s life.366 The Healing Powers of Mathematics in the Age of #metooAnother mathematical analogy helped me come to terms with being sexuallyassaulted by my boyfriend. I spent hours in therapy talking about “the timehe had sex with me even though I didn’t want to have sex.” It was a longphrase that almost became hyphenated by the repetition, “the time-he-had-sex-with-me-even-though-I-didn’t-want-to-have-sex.” As you can imagine,this is a little unwieldy, but I couldn’t manage to call it by any other name.At one point the therapist leaned forward and said, “You mean when heraped you?” It was like a slap in the face. I started to protest, and thenrealized that my long phrase was almost the definition of rape. I then thoughtto myself that it was as if I had been talking about “closed and bounded” setsfor years, and my therapist had just said, “You mean compact sets?” I wouldprotest that “closed and bounded” was not always equivalent to “compact”,but the therapist could point out that we live in Rn, where the Heine-BorelTheorem says they are equivalent. I started laughing as I thought of thisanalogy, and then I tried to explain it to the therapist. Needless to say, shedidn’t understand the analogy at all, but she was happy that it made senseto me. I saw that I had been using the long, hyphenated phrase as a wayto avoid acknowledging that it was a sexual assault. Thinking about therelationship between “closed and bounded” versus “compact” helped me tosee my own traumatic experience more clearly, accept that it had happened,and say the right words out loud.In general, the times that I am most content are when I am completelyabsorbed in something. This could be a math problem in which I’m totallyengrossed. Sometimes it’s when I’m teaching a class, where all my energy isfocused on my students and the material, and the outside world fades away.Mathematics has been a source of comfort to me over the years, first as Inavigated through a particularly traumatic time, and then in my years ofrecovery. I feel lucky to have found solace in math to help me through somedifficult experiences.Veronica G. Sine is the pen name of a mathematician in the United States.She can be reached at the email address veronica.g.sine@gmail.com.

The Healing Powers of Mathematics in the Age of #metoo

Keck Graduate Institute

Journal of Humanistic Mathematics 
Volume 10 | Issue 1 January 2020 
The Healing Powers of Mathematics in the Age of #metoo 
Veronica G. Sine 
An Anonymous University 
Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarship.claremont.edu/jhm 
 Part of the Other Mathematics Commons 
Recommended Citation 
Sine, V. G. "The Healing Powers of Mathematics in the Age of #metoo," Journal of Humanistic 
Mathematics, Volume 10 Issue 1 (January 2020), pages 364-367. DOI: 10.5642/jhummath.202001.17 . 
Available at: https://scholarship.claremont.edu/jhm/vol10/iss1/17 
©2020 by the authors. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License. 
JHM is an open access bi-annual journal sponsored by the Claremont Center for the Mathematical Sciences and 
published by the Claremont Colleges Library | ISSN 2159-8118 | http://scholarship.claremont.edu/jhm/ 
The editorial staff of JHM works hard to make sure the scholarship disseminated in JHM is accurate and upholds 
professional ethical guidelines. However the views and opinions expressed in each published manuscript belong 
exclusively to the individual contributor(s). The publisher and the editors do not endorse or accept responsibility for 
them. See https://scholarship.claremont.edu/jhm/policies.html for more information. 
The Healing Powers of Mathematics
in the Age of #metoo
Veronica G. Sine
An Anonymous University, USA
veronica.g.sine@gmail.com
Synopsis
The ideas of mathematics can provide metaphors to help people handle traumatic
situations, or to better understand life experiences. In this short note, the author
describes three ways in which the study of mathematics has given her ways to
cope with her own difficult experiences.
It’s common to hear about a student’s grades suffering after they’ve been
through a trauma. After all, it is hard to concentrate when you are going
through something awful, whether it’s a death in the family, sexual assault,
or any other particularly terrible experience. It’s less common to hear about
people escaping into their mathematics classes, though it certainly happens.
I found mathematics to be a refuge during a time of crisis. Later, I found
that mathematics gave me metaphors that helped me understand and process
what I’d been through.
Content warning: This article includes domestic violence and sexual as-
sault.
———o———0———o———
When I was an undergraduate, I was in a relationship with a controlling
and jealous boyfriend. The abuse escalated quickly. Eventually I was not
“allowed” to spend time with others or go out for any reason other than
work or class. He shouted at me for hours, calling me names like “stupid”
or “slut” or “worthless.” I was walking on eggshells to avoid angering him.
Journal of Humanistic Mathematics Volume 10 Number 1 (January 2020)
Veronica G. Sine 365
He used threats to control me. I lacked the experience to understand that
what he was doing was wrong. In particular, this kind of thing wasn’t talked
about at my selective liberal arts college. In my mind, the word “abuse”
described what happened to poor women or uneducated women, not smart
middle-class women like me.
In this context, my math classes were a respite. Class time was my only
opportunity to be free. In mathematics class, I didn’t have to think about
my boyfriend’s fits of rage. I could forget about the abuse for a little while by
becoming absorbed in analysis or number theory or something else that fully
engaged my mind. Mathematics offered me an escape from my unhappiness.
One day a fellow student came to my aid. He knocked on the door of my
dorm room while my boyfriend was away. He said, “When I grew up, my
dad used to beat up my mom. From what I’m hearing through the wall, I
think your boyfriend is abusing you.” I completely and totally denied this,
insisting that everything was fine. The truth was, I was scared to admit what
was happening, even to myself. In spite of my denials, his words started to
sink in, opening a crack through which light began to flow. I think of that
moment as a turning point, where I learned to tell myself that the way I was
being treated was not okay. In the moment, I couldn’t say it out loud to my
fellow student. He had no way of knowing if he had helped me at all.
In the same way, research in pure mathematics does not always immediately
seem useful or important. I think of number theory, once considered the
most pure of mathematical subjects, and how it later turned out to have
applications in computer science and cryptography. In much the way that
my fellow student’s words might have seemed to have no effect, pure math-
ematics may seem pointless to people who are more interested in real world
applications. But that student gave me a great gift by sharing those words
with me, never knowing if they would have any impact. I am very comfort-
able doing research that has no apparent real-world applications. Now I also
try to do good things for people without expecting an immediate result. Re-
search in domestic violence shows that many victims go back to their abusers
more than once in the process of trying to break it off. It can be frustrating
for friends and family to watch, wondering why their loved one doesn’t just
leave. Just as it may take some time to fully appreciate the applications
of number theory, it may take time for supportive words to make a visible
difference in someone’s life.
366 The Healing Powers of Mathematics in the Age of #metoo
Another mathematical analogy helped me come to terms with being sexually
assaulted by my boyfriend. I spent hours in therapy talking about “the time
he had sex with me even though I didn’t want to have sex.” It was a long
phrase that almost became hyphenated by the repetition, “the time-he-had-
sex-with-me-even-though-I-didn’t-want-to-have-sex.” As you can imagine,
this is a little unwieldy, but I couldn’t manage to call it by any other name.
At one point the therapist leaned forward and said, “You mean when he
raped you?” It was like a slap in the face. I started to protest, and then
realized that my long phrase was almost the definition of rape. I then thought
to myself that it was as if I had been talking about “closed and bounded” sets
for years, and my therapist had just said, “You mean compact sets?” I would
protest that “closed and bounded” was not always equivalent to “compact”,
but the therapist could point out that we live in Rn, where the Heine-Borel
Theorem says they are equivalent. I started laughing as I thought of this
analogy, and then I tried to explain it to the therapist. Needless to say, she
didn’t understand the analogy at all, but she was happy that it made sense
to me. I saw that I had been using the long, hyphenated phrase as a way
to avoid acknowledging that it was a sexual assault. Thinking about the
relationship between “closed and bounded” versus “compact” helped me to
see my own traumatic experience more clearly, accept that it had happened,
and say the right words out loud.
In general, the times that I am most content are when I am completely
absorbed in something. This could be a math problem in which I’m totally
engrossed. Sometimes it’s when I’m teaching a class, where all my energy is
focused on my students and the material, and the outside world fades away.
Mathematics has been a source of comfort to me over the years, first as I
navigated through a particularly traumatic time, and then in my years of
recovery. I feel lucky to have found solace in math to help me through some
difficult experiences.
Veronica G. Sine is the pen name of a mathematician in the United States.
She can be reached at the email address veronica.g.sine@gmail.com.


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The Healing Powers of Mathematics in the Age of #metoo

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