Negrete, Nicholas E.

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The Vermont ConnectionVolume 28 The Common in Community: EngagingAcross Difference in Higher Education Article 18January 2007Relationships and Life: Some Lessons LearnedNicholas E. NegreteFollow this and additional works at: http://scholarworks.uvm.edu/tvcPart of the Higher Education Administration CommonsThis Reflection is brought to you for free and open access by the College of Education and Social Services at ScholarWorks @ UVM. It has beenaccepted for inclusion in The Vermont Connection by an authorized administrator of ScholarWorks @ UVM. For more information, please contactdonna.omalley@uvm.edu.Recommended CitationNegrete, Nicholas E. (2007) "Relationships and Life: Some Lessons Learned," The Vermont Connection: Vol. 28, Article 18.Available at: http://scholarworks.uvm.edu/tvc/vol28/iss1/18148 •  The Vermont Connection • 2007 • Volume 28Relationships and Life: Some Lessons Learned Nicholas E. Negrete2006 Saurman Award RecipientWhen you see a new trail, or a footprint you do not know, follow it to the point of  knowing. (Uncheedah, The Grandmother of  Ohiyesa) (Nerburn, 1999, p. 78)Relationships inform who we are as individuals and enrich the lives of  those around us. They allow us to explore those things that are unknown and bring us to a place of  knowing. Relationships are often the foundation of  many success stories, build bridges toward understanding difference, and help us navigate a world where loneliness is a feeling that can easily surface. As I reflect on my time in the Higher Education and Student Affairs Administration (HESA) program at the University of  Vermont (UVM) and my current profession, I am struck by this one word: relationships. Prior to HESA, I never really thought about myself  as a relational person, and I certainly took many relationships for granted, expect-ing them to occur and persevere in a vacuum. Much of  why I chose to attend UVM’s HESA program, however, was because of  relationships I had developed with people in the program and those that were established in my time during interview weekend. In the same way, much of  my decision to stay and develop as a professional at UVM was due to the relationships I had established and the people with whom I had closely connected. The word relationships continues to surface in every realm of  my life, and I cannot help but recognize the importance of  relationships in my personal and profes-sional life. Relationships, good and bad, inform who we are and who we want to become. I recently read Mitch Albom’s book, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, and I connected strongly to some of  the lessons learned by the main character, Eddie. I think these lessons can be translated in many of  our own lives. This reflection will take a few lessons learned and apply them to my personal and professional life under the premise that relationships make life what we know it to be. Without them, we would struggle to make meaning of  our own lives in every realm—personally and professionally. If  one’s life were visually mapped out, its blueprint would be guided by the relationships within that one life. It is our relationships that inspire us to keep going, follow our curiosities, and grow from a point of  not knowing to a point of  knowing.Nick Negrete received a Bachelor of  Arts degree in Psychology and Chicana/o  Studies at the University of  California, Santa Barbara. He graduated from the HESA program in 2006 and currently serves as the Student Services Advisor for the African, Latino, Asian, and Native American (ALANA) Student Center.• 149NegreteWith FamilySacrifice is a part of  life. It’s supposed to be. It’s not something to regret. It’s something to aspire to. Little sacrifices. Big sacrifices. (Albom, 2003, p. 93)Deciding to go away to college was one of  the most challenging decisions I have had to make. To some, this decision is not a difficult one to make, but to others like myself, there is much at stake when leaving family for a considerable length of  time. My parents tried very hard to entice me to stay home and attend a uni-versity that was within fifteen minutes of  my house. I turned down a car offer and gift money to get away and have a “traditional college experience.” At first, this was a decision I was very happy with, and I soon learned how to establish my own autonomy. After my first couple of  years as an undergraduate student, however, I began to feel distant from my family. I noticed that our conversations had changed in ways that made me feel like an outsider. Others believed I thought I was too good for the family, being one of  the only people in my family pursuing a bachelor’s degree. I soon realized that I had made a sacrifice in my decision to go away to college. I sacrificed relationships with my family members, both extended and immediate. I sacrificed family vacations, birthdays of  loved ones, even births, deaths, and marriages. All of  these life-changing experiences were the cost of  my pursuit of  a degree in higher education. Many say that everything has its costs. I never thought everything meant my family.In retrospect, I do not regret going away to college. In fact, I think I learned what it meant to be an adult very quickly and how to be more self-reliant. I learned how to build new relationships and create a different kind of  family, a home away from home. I learned how to cherish what I had at home and made a more concerted effort to strengthen my family ties. Even now, I am constantly reminded of  the distance that exists between my family and me, both physically and emotionally. Being the only one in my family with a master’s degree is something many people look at as a success, and rightfully so. However, as I admire my degree on the wall, I am not only reminded of  my successes and triumphs but also the sacrifices and challenges that afforded me such a degree. As a student affairs educator who works closely with students, specifically first-generation college students, I witness similar struggles and sacrifices being made. Sometimes my students come to me and share how conflicted they feel about being so far away from home. Other times I can see it in their performance, socially and academically. I often refer back to my personal experiences as a college student and share my perspectives on family, relationships, and the similarly difficult decisions and sacrifices I made. My hope is that I am able to illuminate some realizations within my students and empower them to take the relationships they are so scared to lose and redefine them so that they have permanence in their lives.150 •  The Vermont Connection • 2007 • Volume 28With ColleaguesSometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you’re not really losing it. You’re just passing it on to someone else. (Albom, 2003, p. 94)Upon arriving at UVM to begin my graduate work, I was asked the constant question, “Why UVM?” At first, I would ramble off  an answer that was socially pleasing and portrayed the HESA program in a positive light. However, I finally took some time to really ask myself, “Why UVM?” As my time at UVM became a little more permanent, and I surprisingly took a job offer that required me to stay at UVM (as I was certain I was going back to California), I really began to ask myself, “Why UVM?” Through this questioning, I found myself  reflecting on the strong relationships that were built at UVM with many colleagues―some who have moved away from Vermont and some who have given me much reason to work at an institution like UVM. Nevertheless, I truly believe that “sometimes you are where you are supposed to be and you may not even know it” (Albom, 2003, p. 58). Entering the HESA program with a cohort of  17 people was enticing to me, as I was able to establish meaningful relationships with people who had come from very different backgrounds and experiences. The investment of  such relationships allowed me to expand my worldview, and dig deeper within myself  to answer questions like, “What is my student affairs philosophy?”; “How are my multiple identities infused in such a philosophy?”; and, “How do I enact my philosophy in the work that I do with those who may come from other philosophies and nar-ratives?” There’s that word again, relationships. The relationships I had established allowed me to enact what we know as moral conversation and understand the various perspectives and experiences that inform who we are and what we do. Of  course, none of  this would be possible without the personal sacrifices neces-sary to spend time in the classroom, at work, and in the community of  student affairs. The precious sacrifices I chose to make are the friends and family back home that I left behind to pursue my chosen profession in student affairs. On the other hand, this allowed both my colleagues and me to share with each other our past experiences, which allowed us to establish a more grounded worldview of  who we are and what we aspire to become, passing along to each other our wisdom, character, and personal narratives. For this, I will be forever grateful to know that my student affairs narrative has been shaped by those who have chal-lenged me, nurtured me, and validated me, all the while experiencing their own personal sacrifices.• 151NegreteWith the WorldThere are no random acts. That we are all connected. That you can no more separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind. (Albom, 2003, p. 48)Higher education in the United States has gone through many transformations; however, those who experience it remain some of  the most privileged people in the United States and across the world. Social responsibility is a tenet that I strive to infuse within my own student affairs philosophy and is one with which I hope our students leave college, embracing their roles as socially responsible and educated citizens. Institutions of  higher education have the capacity to promote dialogue around social responsibility and empower students to enact such a tenet in ways that educate, enlighten, and enrich campus communities. I like to think of  myself  as a world citizen―not just a citizen of  my own city, state, and country, but a citizen who acknowledges my role in the world and how closely I am connected to world issues. My relationship with the world happens through my interactions with people, as I share with others my worldviews on life and understand the world from their own lenses. It is amazing how much one can learn by simply stepping out of  the comfort zone of  one’s own backgrounds and perspectives, taking a moment to be enlightened in another’s. College should be a time in which students prepare to be world citizens and own the concept of  interconnectivity, understanding that “we move through places everyday that would never have been if  not for those who came before us” (Albom, 2003, p. 123). I challenge myself  everyday to connect myself  with the world in ways that put things into perspective for me, as I am developing a sense of  who I am and who I want to become.With ImpermanenceLife has to end, Love doesn’t. (Albom, 2003, p. 173)Moving forward in my life as a student affairs educator, I have come to the realiza-tion that many students and colleagues will come and go, including myself. Nothing is permanent, and how we approach this reality affects the way we approach our own lives. There are numerous opportunities to establish relationships within a field in which people are at the center of  our profession. People may come and go, but relationships have the ability to remain strong and persevere with change. Whether that is moving across the country, finding a new job, or coping with the passing of  a loved one, I think the fear most of  us have around establishing great relationships is the fear of  losing them. Like death, it is our fear of  impermanence in the world, or in this case, impermanence in someone’s life. How do we make 

Relationships and Life: Some Lessons Learned

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Relationships and Life: Some Lessons Learned

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