The idea of mothering (or parenting for the sake of being inclusive) from the margins is derived from the understanding that the experiences of women are not monolithic. Motherhood and parenting can be a source for activism and change both by challenging societal norms of who can successfully raise children, and by educating and empowering children to rethink current structures dictating family norms

Muller Sullivan, Jessica

English

The College at Brockport, State University of New York: Digital Commons @Brockport

Dissenting Voices
Volume 1 | Issue 1
8-21-2012
Parenting from the Margins
Jessica Muller Sullivan
The College at Brockport, jmull2@brockport.edu
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Muller Sullivan, Jessica (2012) "Parenting from the Margins," Dissenting Voices: Vol. 1 : Iss. 1 , Article 9.
Available at: http://digitalcommons.brockport.edu/dissentingvoices/vol1/iss1/9
 Parenting from the Margins 
Jessica Muller 
 
Think Again! 
The category of woman is often seen as monolithic in feminism. The nuclear 
family is seen as an enormous obstacle to women’s liberation (Martin, 2011). According 
to many feminist viewpoints, motherhood is simply a duty forced upon women by 
patriarchal structures. Mothers are thought to lose all sense of identity and self. 
Feminism suggests that women reject marriage and the nuclear family model. Women 
would be better off refraining from having children. Women with children already 
should stop defending nuclear motherhood because “it is the nuclear family in which 
patriarchy reproduces itself” (Martin).  
The idea of mothering (or parenting for the sake of being inclusive) from the 
margins is derived from the understanding that the experiences of women are not 
monolithic.  For example, white women are mothers; white babies are seen as wanted. 
Child rearing as any other identity is seen as less than. Racial minorities fight to be seen 
as anything other than “irresponsible breeders” (Martin).   Rarely does one encounter a 
positive reaction as a pregnant teenager, black woman, LGBT person, or poor person. 
People who identify with one or more of these identities must fight every day to be seen 
Dissenting Voices, v. 1, issue 1, Spring 2012 52
as legitimate parents. Feminism should reconsider having a child in a marginal group 
and fighting this daily fight is a challenge to the patriarchy. Motherhood and parenting 
can be a source for activism and change both by challenging societal norms of who can 
successfully raise children, and by educating and empowering children to rethink 
current structures dictating family norms. 
Who better than a feminist to raise a child? Children of feminists will be far less 
tolerant of the current hierarchy and social inequities. A parenting feminist is actively 
creating a better world each day. 
 While giving a presentation about the representation of motherhood and 
feminism, I asked a group of people to build a list of qualities that define a good mother, 
or parent. 
Qualities That Make a Good Parent 
Loving 
Patient 
Accepting 
Supportive 
Creative 
Nurturing 
Involved 
Stable 
Flexible 
Committed 
Then I challenged the group. Using a list of identifiers that commonly evoke 
discrimination from others, we made comparisons between the identifiers and the 
Dissenting Voices, v. 1, issue 1, Spring 2012 53
qualities that were decided make a good parent. Is it possible to both possess an identity 
discriminated against or be a part of a group stereotyped as bad parents, and still be a 
good parent according to the parenting standards we created? Do the qualities that 
make a good parent have any barriers to minority identities? For instance, is there a 
cause specific relationship between being black and neglectful (the common stereotype) 
and is there anything preventing a black mother from being an involved parent? This 
exercise forced us to look past stereotypes and recognize that anyone can possess the 
qualities of a good parent. However, there are structural issues that make it more 
challenging for marginalized individuals to meet these parenting expectations. If a poor, 
racially oppressed mother must work three jobs to feed her children, does she have the 
freedom to be an involved parent?  Working three jobs doesn’t distract from her desire 
to be an involved parent, it simply prevents it. 
Dissenting Voices, v. 1, issue 1, Spring 2012 54
Can a person possess both qualities? 
      Identity                                        Emotional Agency                             
Teenager Loving 
Transgender Patient 
Fat Accepting 
Single Supportive 
Old Creative 
Black Nurturing 
Man Involved 
Gay Stable 
Poor Flexible 
Disabled Committed 
 
 People possess a variety of qualities. Our daily experiences tell us so. By 
encountering real people, or possibly possessing a marginalized identity ourselves, we 
can say that people break down stereotypes every day. The issue is, people in the 
identity list, and other groups not listed, face discrimination for having children based 
on the assumption that they will not be good parents.  The diagram above shows that the 
Dissenting Voices, v. 1, issue 1, Spring 2012 55
qualities deemed most important 
of people. So what exactly is the problem with poor, young or disabled people 
parenting? What is at the root of the stigma?
 I believe it is an issue of stability. 
unable to provide stable families or 
Wait a minute! Back up! Has anyone ever done it alone?
What if all parents had sufficient 
to them? 
Would a young single parent continue to be 
Is it possible to live in a world that truly provides the 
or not to parent? While feminists celebrate choice and the ability to follow 
unconventional paths to motherhood, feminists ignore the ideological binary of 
legitimate choice-making mothers and ‘bad’ choice
break the social narratives of timing a
would these choices to parent against social norms continue to be viewed as bad with a 
stronger societal foundation of parental support 
What would it look like if all parents had access to…
• Safe Housing 
• Food 
• Healthcare 
• Education 
for parents to possess can be held by a diverse group 
 
 Society views these disenfranchised 
as ill-equipped to parent without assistance.
 
SUPPORT and COMMUNITY 
constructed as devastating to society?
freedom to decide whether 
-making mothers. Mothers who 
re often viewed as ‘bad’ choice-makers. However, 
in place? 
 
groups as 
 
available 
 
Dissenting Voices, v. 1, issue 1, Spring 2012 56
• Childcare 
• Transportation 
• Supportive work environment 
• Emotional support system 
These necessities are NOT handouts. Basic programs for childhood well-being would 
begin building a strong foundation of education, preventative health care, and 
nourishing food, causing children to have a greater chance of positively contributing to 
society as adults.  By providing basic parenting resources as prevention, the cost of 
safety nets and crisis programs would be significantly reduced.  The common example of 
welfare as a financial drain on society would decrease if more jobs with a living wage 
and supportive work environment existed. Single parents or households with two 
working adults could afford to remain employed if childcare were subsidized. The more 
adults in the workforce, the stronger the economy becomes for the entire country. How 
many more parents could provide stability, attention, patience and creativity when 
they’re not worried about where to live next month or whether they can afford to 
purchase baby formula with their next paycheck? 
 Look Around You  
We must BUILD and SUSTAIN communities. We must THANK the people 
around us that contribute and contribute to those around us. A community is similar to 
an eco-system; we must put back in what we take from it. There are no plants or animals 
that function on their own, only those that have a role within the system. Communities 
are an organism that requires effort, consistency, and flexibility. The outcome benefits 
every person that is a part of it.  
Dissenting Voices, v. 1, issue 1, Spring 2012 57
I have thanked the people in my community. Without these individuals, I would 
not have an education, a safe place to live, child care, flexible employment or an 
emotional support system. Without these people, my children would not be growing into 
lovely, empathetic, well rounded people. Every day I work to give back to my community 
and build stability for others. By putting my efforts into my community, I know that my 
children will have a safe and productive environment to live in.  
What Can YOU Do? 
RECOGNIZE that good parents are found in many places and in diverse 
packages. Tell them they are doing a good job and you appreciate the hard work it takes 
to raise children into ethical people. These children are the leaders of the future, and it 
is important to teach them strong ethics and values.  Pay attention to the way fruitful 
communities function. Realize your role in the give and take actions of your community. 
How do you contribute and what more could you be doing? What resources in your 
community do you use? Are there more resources that would benefit your community 
and how can you make these a reality? 
RALLY  for programs and initiatives that provide support and stability for 
families.  Access to food, safe housing, health care and quality child care should not be a 
privilege but a human right. Providing everyone with an equal and strong foundation 
leads to a strong and stable community and economy for everyone. The well-being of 
children determines their future as adults and ultimately their future is EVERYONE’S 
future.  
  
Dissenting Voices, v. 1, issue 1, Spring 2012 58
References 
Martin, R. (2011, October 24). Once again white radical feminists miss the point in the 
mommyhood debates [Web log message]. Retrieved from http://www.womanist-  
musings.com/2011/10/once-again-white-radical-feminists-miss_24.html 
 
Further Readings 
Massino, J. (2012). Making the history of 1989: Women’s reflections on motherhood and 
reproduction under socialism. Retrieved from: 
http://chnm.gmu.edu/1989/items/show/560 
Solidarity. (2010). From abortion rights to reproductive justice: A socialist feminist agenda. 
Retrieved from http://www.solidarity-us.org/pdfs/reproductivejustice.pdf 
Thompson, M. (2006). Third wave feminism and the politics of motherhood. Genders, (43), 1-
40. Retrieved from http://www.genders.org/g43/g43_marythompson.html 
 
 
Dissenting Voices, v. 1, issue 1, Spring 2012 59


Parenting from the Margins

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