Ten Brink, Charles J.

English

Charles J. Ten Brink

Humanities Commons

Cell Phones, Socializing ~ Psychotic Behavior A BRIEF GumE TO LIBRARY ETIQUETTE Charles]. Ten Brink 1JURING ORIENTATION, I TELL Stu-dents that the Library is intended to be a welcoming place, a home away from home, a sanctuary, a refuge. We really do believe all that warm and fuzzy stuff. but the message behind the veil is that you will be spending a shocking amount of time here studying, so you may as well be comfortable. Some people apparently take that a tad too literally, and their comfortable activities become a painful burden to others. Hence the request for this short essay on get-ting along. Library ~ules, contrary to popular belie£ are not designed by librarians to fulfill their fantasies of domination, but simply to keep the readers away from each other's throats. This is not as easy as it sounds. The Golden Rule is a very simple concept, but try creating a detailed legislative code to put it into prac-tice with a user group composed of students flexing their newly developed disputation muscles. We do the best we can, but there is no substitute for good manners and a will-ingness to let bygones be bygones. In coping with the habits of your fellow readers, it may help to characterize their behavior as negligent rather than malicious. Bear in mind that no one is actually trying to cause you pain, although the regular use of the simile that "the acquisition of knowledge is like driving a hot iron spike through your brain" by a certain member of the faculty may have created that impression. Allow me to introduce you to a vocabulary term I fab -ricated so11:1e years ago: lupolevulent, which means "raised by wolves:'1 Once you have mastered its use, you will have a handy poly-syllabic code word to describe the behavior of your less civilized peers. You may find some comfort in this. Now let us move on to some specific sug-Charles]. Ten Brink is a Professor of Law and the Director of Library and Technology Services at the Michigan State University College of Law. These guidelines were distributed to his students and other charges at the beginning of the 2003-04 school year. 1 Classics scholars may blanch at rnis coinage. but I am perfecdy willing to construct for them a false etymology from early Church Latin by way of medieval French. Besides, we work in a profession in which scienter is used as a noun, so let us not be pedantic. Cf?ar[e s J. 'Te n 13ri n k. gesnons for behavior modification. Aside from asking that you not bring farm animals into the Library, and char you limit streak-ing to such significant milestones as winning the NCAA rournament, there are a few simple rules. Cell Phones You all have them, you all use them, and you all hate the other people who have and use them. Much has been written on the psy-chology of that hatred, but it suffices to say that cell phone use in the Library is guar-anteed to put you on the fast track to win-ning the "most despised" category in rhe class elections. If you can't turn it off because you are obsessive-compulsive, place it in vibrate mode. If you forget and it rings, the best you can do is sprint for the exit while murmuring an apology. 2 Extended Conversation This is second only to cell phone use in the potential for making that big vein stand out in the forehead of the person across the ta-ble from you. You would think it would be worse than cell phones, because it involves twice as much talking, but apparently people are more irritated by their inability to fol-low both sides of the conversation. Some communication is inevitable, but if it goes beyond a couple of sentences, take it to the lounge. Besides, you really don't want the rest of the student body hearing how lame your pickup lines are. 3 Food ~Drink We have a pretty rebxed policy about this. You can have a drink (non-alcoholic, of course) anywhere in the Library if you are using one of those spill-resistant cups that make you feel like a three-year-old having a morning juice break. Food is limited to the lounge area across from the Circulation Desk. The purpose of this rule is to help acquaint you with one of the most impor-tant principles of the American system of criminal j ustice, which is that you won't get punished if you don't get caught. This also tends to serve the needs of the other read-ers, because it encourages the consumption of foods that can be eaten surreptitiously. A Twinkie is silent, but you may as well set off firecrackers if you want to eat Ooritos in the Quiet Room. Let me in dosing just add that this is a pretty civilized place, and we hope you all partici-pate in keeping it that way. By way of con-trast, consider this sign, posted for many years at the entrance to the main library at the University of Chicago: "Please keep your shoes on - many have been stolen:· Things could be much worse. /J3 2 This is somewhat like reaching for a Kleenex after you sneeze. People may still recoil in disgust, but you will at lease ger credit for recognizing char you should have done better. 3 This appears ro be a good place ro note subtly chat rhe Library is not an appropriate venue for meretri-cious activities. 122 8 {jR EEN tJ3A G 2D 121 

Cell Phones, Socializing & Psychotic Behavior

Michigan State University College of Law: Digital Commons

Michigan State University College of Law
Digital Commons at Michigan State University College of Law
Faculty Publications
1-1-2004
Cell Phones, Socializing & Psychotic Behavior
Charles J. Ten Brink
Michigan State University College of Law, cjtb@law.msu.edu
Follow this and additional works at: http://digitalcommons.law.msu.edu/facpubs
Part of the Other Law Commons
This Editorial is brought to you for free and open access by Digital Commons at Michigan State University College of Law. It has been accepted for
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Recommended Citation
Charles J. Ten Brink, Cell Phones, Socializing & Psychotic Behavior, 8 Green Bag 2d 121 (2004).
Cell Phones, Socializing ~ 
Psychotic Behavior 
A BRIEF GumE TO LIBRARY ETIQUETTE 
Charles]. Ten Brink 
1JURING ORIENTATION, I TELL Stu-dents that the Library is intended to be a welcoming place, a home 
away from home, a sanctuary, a refuge. We 
really do believe all that warm and fuzzy 
stuff. but the message behind the veil is that 
you will be spending a shocking amount of 
time here studying, so you may as well be 
comfortable. Some people apparently take 
that a tad too literally, and their comfortable 
activities become a painful burden to others. 
Hence the request for this short essay on get-
ting along. 
Library ~ules, contrary to popular belie£ 
are not designed by librarians to fulfill their 
fantasies of domination, but simply to keep 
the readers away from each other's throats. 
This is not as easy as it sounds. The Golden 
Rule is a very simple concept, but try creating 
a detailed legislative code to put it into prac-
tice with a user group composed of students 
flexing their newly developed disputation 
muscles. We do the best we can, but there is 
no substitute for good manners and a will-
ingness to let bygones be bygones. 
In coping with the habits of your fellow 
readers, it may help to characterize their 
behavior as negligent rather than malicious. 
Bear in mind that no one is actually trying to 
cause you pain, although the regular use of 
the simile that "the acquisition of knowledge 
is like driving a hot iron spike through your 
brain" by a certain member of the faculty 
may have created that impression. Allow me 
to introduce you to a vocabulary term I fab -
ricated so11:1e years ago: lupolevulent, which 
means "raised by wolves:'1 Once you have 
mastered its use, you will have a handy poly-
syllabic code word to describe the behavior 
of your less civilized peers. You may find 
some comfort in this. 
Now let us move on to some specific sug-
Charles]. Ten Brink is a Professor of Law and the Director of Library and Technology Services at the 
Michigan State University College of Law. These guidelines were distributed to his students and other charges 
at the beginning of the 2003-04 school year. 
1 Classics scholars may blanch at rnis coinage. but I am perfecdy willing to construct for them a false 
etymology from early Church Latin by way of medieval French. Besides, we work in a profession in 
which scienter is used as a noun, so let us not be pedantic. 
Cf?ar[e s J. 'Te n 13ri n k. 
gesnons for behavior modification. Aside 
from asking that you not bring farm animals 
into the Library, and char you limit streak-
ing to such significant milestones as winning 
the NCAA rournament, there are a few simple 
rules. 
Cell Phones 
You all have them, you all use them, and you 
all hate the other people who have and use 
them. Much has been written on the psy-
chology of that hatred, but it suffices to say 
that cell phone use in the Library is guar-
anteed to put you on the fast track to win-
ning the "most despised" category in rhe class 
elections. If you can't turn it off because you 
are obsessive-compulsive, place it in vibrate 
mode. If you forget and it rings, the best you 
can do is sprint for the exit while murmuring 
an apology. 2 
Extended Conversation 
This is second only to cell phone use in the 
potential for making that big vein stand out 
in the forehead of the person across the ta-
ble from you. You would think it would be 
worse than cell phones, because it involves 
twice as much talking, but apparently people 
are more irritated by their inability to fol-
low both sides of the conversation. Some 
communication is inevitable, but if it goes 
beyond a couple of sentences, take it to the 
lounge. Besides, you really don't want the rest 
of the student body hearing how lame your 
pickup lines are. 3 
Food ~Drink 
We have a pretty rebxed policy about this. 
You can have a drink (non-alcoholic, of 
course) anywhere in the Library if you are 
using one of those spill-resistant cups that 
make you feel like a three-year-old having 
a morning juice break. Food is limited to 
the lounge area across from the Circulation 
Desk. The purpose of this rule is to help 
acquaint you with one of the most impor-
tant principles of the American system of 
criminal j ustice, which is that you won't get 
punished if you don't get caught. This also 
tends to serve the needs of the other read-
ers, because it encourages the consumption 
of foods that can be eaten surreptitiously. A 
Twinkie is silent, but you may as well set off 
firecrackers if you want to eat Ooritos in the 
Quiet Room. 
Let me in dosing just add that this is a pretty 
civilized place, and we hope you all partici-
pate in keeping it that way. By way of con-
trast, consider this sign, posted for many 
years at the entrance to the main library at 
the University of Chicago: "Please keep your 
shoes on - many have been stolen:· Things 
could be much worse. /J3 
2 This is somewhat like reaching for a Kleenex after you sneeze. People may still recoil in disgust, but you 
will at lease ger credit for recognizing char you should have done better. 
3 This appears ro be a good place ro note subtly chat rhe Library is not an appropriate venue for meretri-
cious activities. 
122 8 {jR EEN tJ3A G 2D 121 


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