Rezension des Werkes: Dina Wardi, Memorial Candles: Children of the Holocaust. London, Taylor & Francis Books Ltd, 1992. 288 pp. (Deutsche Ausgabe: Siegel der Erinnerung. Das Trauma des Holocaust – Psychotherapie mit den Kindern der Überlebenden 

Gelder, Frederik van

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Frederik van Gelder, Frankfurt am Mainhttp://www.traumaresearch.net/review1/geld.htm[12.11.2008 10:12:07]Special Review Issue 2007  /  Special Issue2006  /  Newsletter 2  /  Newsletter 1Archive          Books            BookReviews   Dina Wardi, Memorial Candles:Children of the Holocaust. London,Taylor & Francis Books Ltd, 1992.288 pp.(In German under the title Siegelder Erinnerung. Das Trauma desHolocaust – Psychotherapie mit denKindern der Üeberlebenden.Translated from the Hebrew byAlmuth Lessing, Antje ClaraNaujoks, Christoph Trunk.Preface to the German edition byTilman Moser; foreword by Prof.Haim Dasberg, former director ofthe psychiatric hospital "EsratNashim" in Jerusalem.)Page references are to the Englishedition. Frederik van Gelder, Frankfurt am Main "It´s hard for me to cope with life. With thedead it's easier." Dina Wardi´s book about the children of the HolocaustThe yahrzeit (the anniversary of the death of a loved one) is remembered by lighting a twenty-four hour memorial candle, by making a charitable contribution in memory of the departed,and by reciting Kaddish. Kaddish is recited at the Shabbat service that precedes the yahrzeitand at Yiskor services throughout the year. The yahrzeit occurs on the same date every yearaccording to the Hebrew calendar. In Hebrew, yiskor means "May He Remember".Definition of "memorial candle" found on the Internet A review of this book in Germany must of necessity touch on two different themes, andthey are not easy to keep apart. Theme (A) is the innerpsychoanalytic debate about thenature of (psycho)trauma, the psychic mechanisms involved, the process of theoretic andtherapeutic reorientation going on within the psychoanalytic profession as it comes toterms with the legacy of the Holocaust; as well as the growing ubiquity of violence incontemporary society. Theme (B) has to do with the fact that this book onHolocaustsurvivors is being discussed in Germany, with all which that implies in terms ofthe (unequal) confrontation between children of victims and children of perpetratorsgoing on in this country. The attitude of dispassionate objectivity which the medical andtherapeutic professions aim at – an ideal which, as the literature on vicarioustraumatization shows, is difficult enough to maintain even in ordinary circumstances, i.e.when faced with the clinical consequences of brutality, murder, torture – is strained tothe limit in a situation in which everything to do with trauma is already highly politicised;here in Germany more so than anywhere else.I confine myself, for the moment, to (A). Frederik van Gelder, Frankfurt am Mainhttp://www.traumaresearch.net/review1/geld.htm[12.11.2008 10:12:07]"The echo of the shot which killed my mother ..."Men and women now in their fifties, who are of Jewish extraction, who were born inEurope or after immigration somewhere else after 1945, were raised in circumstanceswhich are historically unique. The very existence of "child survivors" or the "secondgeneration" is a statistical improbability; the atmosphere of their childhood was soextraordinary that a literature is now emerging the purpose of which is to document andanalyse the identifications which were operative during their formative years. A literaturewhich shows every indication of marking as fundamental a challenge to thepsychoanalytic paradigm as any which the profession has had to face since the death ofFreud on the eve of the Second World War.Dina Wardi is an Israeli group therapist who has specialized in the treatment of childrenof Holocaust survivors. Her book is the result of twenty years of observation, therapy,theoretical reflection with regard to the way in which that unprecedented, state-organized policy of systematic torture and mass murder we have come to indicate withthe inadequate word "Holocaust" leaves its scars even on subsequent generations. (Notto mention those directly involved.)From the notes I took during a lecture she held at the Sigmund Freud Institut inFrankfurt some years ago, concerning a case history she presented:The echo of the shot that killed my mother has accompanied me every hour of the day of the fourtyyears since it rang out; the only difference has been, in recent years, that I've occasionally, with greatpain, been able to talk about it.In her book this case history is fleshed out. Mina, a woman of 55, herself now a motherof a grown daughter, witnessed the murder of her mother. I quote:When I heard the echo of the shot at my mother, who was marching behind us in that death march, Iwas stricken dumb. I couldn't utter a sound. For more than a month I was unable to speak. [...]When I returned from the camps no one was able to understand me. I felt a hundred years old,ancient in my soul although my body was only sixteen years old. I no longer had any desire for aspiritual or social life, or for a marital life. Nothing interested me any more. Very slowly we returned tothe cycle of ordinary life, but we never came back to ourselves. We did not remain embittered, we didnot hate anyone, but we did not want to remember, we only wanted to forget. (11)The question which Dina Wardi seeks to answer in this book is: if this is the kind ofworld which so many survivor parents carry with them, then what are the effects on theirchildren?That the psychic "closing-off" described here (the despair, rage, fear, mourning, painand guilt, as well as the defense mechanisms mobilised to contain them) are of suchintensity that they "mark" the individual for their mostly short lives (in those cases wherethey survive them at all) has been known since the sixties, if not earlier. Howeverharrowing these case histories may be, these reactions have been documented before.The same thing holds for the very special forms of identification encountered in the"second generation", which have been analysed under headings like "telescoping","doubling" and "concretism" and have been widely discussed since the publication ofEpstein's "Children of the Holocaust" twenty years ago. New in this book is Wardi'sdescription of the very special super-ego formation of those "second generation" childrenshe calls "memorial candles", and which is the main focus of this work.In her extensive experience with such children (who are now of course in their fifties,often with children, even grandchildren of their own) she notes a recurrent pattern, inwhich one child in the family is singled out and both burdened and honoured with a life-long mission. If the unconscious demand on such children could be verbalised, it wouldrun something like this:[... ] you are the continuing generation. Behind us are ruin and death and infinite emotionalemptiness. It is your obligation and your privilege to maintain the nation, to reestablish the vanishedfamily and to fill the enormous physical and emotional void left by the Holocaust in our surroundingsand in our hearts. (30)Frequently such children are named after murdered family members, as a symbol of thelonged-for connection to a past which is vital for the fragile equilibrium of the parents,Frederik van Gelder, Frankfurt am Mainhttp://www.traumaresearch.net/review1/geld.htm[12.11.2008 10:12:07]and is at the same time a containment for the latter's feelings of loss, guilt, and rage. Ineffect such children are "deputising" for the dead – or as one client put it: "I want themto take their dead back, but they can't and they don't. I'm not the family hearse, yetafter all that's what I am." (36) Which is not to say that these unconscious demandsmade upon them are exclusively negative: the child is also a "chosen" one, embued witha "messianic mission" to mend the world – tikkun olam – is also, in spite of everythingelse, for its parents as well as the wider community, an ancient symbol of the hope forrestitution and healing.This division of labour appears over and over again in the families of many survivors – one of thechildren, the "memorial candle", remains emotionally tied to the parents; he is the emotional healer,who liberates his siblings ... (38)Memorial candlesAlthough we feel, as we read it, intuitively, a tiny bit of the horror reported in the "shotthat killed my mother" quote above (and defend ourselves automatically against it bybrightly proffering our pet therapies) the actual mechanisms by means of which"trauma" is transmitted accross the generations is not well understood. Such children, asHaim Dasberg puts it in his foreword,[...] grew up in the shadow of psychic conflicts stemming from bereavement, mourning, guilt feelings,excessive anxiety, overprotection and overexpectation – with parents who were irreparably damaged,both physically and psychologically. But in the psyches of the children a struggle for an independentidentity developed including personal, social and even historical identity. The survivors' children arebent almost double under the weight of the burden placed on their shoulders, yet at the same timedue precisely to this burden itself, but also due to their therapy – they are becoming stronger. Forwhat are involved here are not only emotional load, conflicts and the need for therapy, but alsopsychological strength, stamina, and the ability to identify with others. Indeed, many of the childrenof survivors chose careers such as social work, teaching, psychology, medicine and psychiatry. (x)In some ways the excessive burden placed on such children is comparable to whathappens in "scapegoating" families, in which one or both parents seek relief from theirown suffering by hounding one of their children instead. (Interesting that "scapegoat"has the same etymology as the word "pharmacology" – such children are, as it were, the"ointment" on the wounded souls of their parents.) But there is a difference: survivorparents cannot be "blamed" – their psychic "closing off" is a normal reaction tointolerable suffering, and their unconscious appeal to their children is at the same time apreremptory cry for help and succour. The "memorial candle" alsofeels loved andspecial, so that there is very seldom that aggressive narcissism which is so typical ofneglected or abused children. Ambivalence is not the same as cold indifference.That is, the main role of the scapegoat in ordinary families is the discharge of the intrapsychic andinterpersonal conflicts in the family relationships, while in the families of survivors this role is only oneof the tasks imposed on the scapegoat. Not only must they fill an enormous emotional void, but theymust also construct the continuation of the entire family history all by themselves, and thus create ahidden connection with the objects that perished in the Holocaust. Therefore, because of the uniquesignificance of the role the children were chosen to play, the word "scapegoat" is not appropriate, andit would be better to call them "memorial candles". (30)A candle is a thing, an instrument, which in itself is meaningless. A yahrzeit candle (oran "eternal flame", a commemoration, an anniversary) can play an important function inthe "working-through" of grief and mourning, but is not – as an object or a point in time– in itself of any significance. This experience of being a "substitute" for something orsomeone else, a "symbol" of murdered family members, a link to the past, but not inthemselves being of any importance for their parents is an experience which Wardi notesin very many of her clients. "They were not perceived as separate individuals but assymbols of everything the parents had lost ... " (27) – a kind of offshoot of their parents'egos rather than as autonomous individuals on the way towards creating their ownbiographies. This corresponds to the atmosphere of intense ambivalence they grew upwith: on the one hand they are "lifesavers" for the confused souls of vulnerable parentsFrederik van Gelder, Frankfurt am Mainhttp://www.traumaresearch.net/review1/geld.htm[12.11.2008 10:12:07]in need of protection; on the other they grow up in a disorienting, anxiety-ridden andneglectful environment in which there are few boundaries, much suspicion and littleindividual attention. The individuation-separation problems to which this leads inadolescence, the difficulties such people have when it comes to intimate relationshiphave been known since Keilson's book on Jewish war orphans in the Netherlands, andWardi deals with them in her chapter "Self-esteem and sexual identity". In effect suchfamilies lack everything which object relations theory regards as essential for a happyand uncomplicated childhood, and great turmoil during adolescence is the more or lessinevitable result.What is remarkable about this book – where it seems to me to be probing theboundaries of what it is that can be conceptualised within the object-relationsframework, perhaps within the therapeutic framework altogether – is the discussion ofthe role which death and destruction plays in the phantasies of the "memorial candles":she gives this chapter the title of "Identification with death".Identification with deathA moment's reflection makes it plausible why, for "memorial candles", death comes toplay such a central role in their phantasies and dreams. The road to their parent'saffection leads to what it is that makes up the core of their – the parent's – existence:the Holocaust. Like moths caught in a flame, the world of the survivor-parents circlesendlessly around the axis of their pain, and it is to this place of darkness and silencethat the children have to follow them to find the attention and appreciation upon whichtheir own ego-integration depends. Two dream sequences to illustrate:A large hall. A smell of smoke. Darkness, torches burning. In the middle of the hall there's a blackcoffin with blood pouring out of it. The coffin is in the middle of the room and on the coffin there's alittle bird. I am very afraid of the bird. Suddenly the bird comes down from the coffin and approachesme, and then a deathly fear attacks me.At the end of the recital of the dream Ariela was silent and immersed within herself.After a while she began speaking again, with her head down, in a whispery andmonotonous voice:It's really strange, I can cope with the coffin pouring blood, but not with the live bird. I'm so scaredand helpless. In general, in all sorts of areas it's hard for me to cope with life. With the dead it'seasier.What is exceptional in the phantasies and dreams of children of survivor parents,especially the "memorial candles", according to Wardi's findings, is not so much theanxiety in itself, but its extraordinary intensity, and the way this is interwoven with thedeath motif. It is a the combination of the two which is, according to Wardi, unique tothe children of survivors.A second dream sequence, which I include here for its uncanny invocation of a themefrom Paul Celan's "Black Milk" poem:Ruth, twenty-eight, the daughter of two survivors, related a recurrent dream: "My father and I are ona tour of the Weizmann Institute. The place is very beautiful and full of greenery. Grass, trees andflowers everywhere. We reach Weizmann's grave, and there, in the middle of the grass, under a treegrowing near the grave, we take a picnic table and chairs out of the car and we start eating in themiddle of nature. We eat lentil soup, like the kind my mother usually cooks at home. But suddenly,while we're eating, I sense a strange odour and taste in the soup. There's something sticking to thelentils, and suddenly I know that they are made of ground-up human bones. I stop eating and feelvery nauseous. I look at my father, but it seems that he doesn't notice anything, and he continueseating with enjoyment."A book review such as this is not the place to go into a detailed discussion of the manythemes raised by Wardi's analysis of a mode of ego-integration which is both a reactionto great suffering and a search for restitution and healing. The big themes are all there:death, suffering, anguish, testimony, dissolution in the face of overwhelming fear,etching themselves on our mind like a Greek tragedy. But also their opposite: the searchfor truth, justice, beauty, serenity, a better world. That all this could be raised inFrederik van Gelder, Frankfurt am Mainhttp://www.traumaresearch.net/review1/geld.htm[12.11.2008 10:12:07]something as prosaic as a psychoanalytic case study fills me with wonder – as well asadmiration and gratitude for Wardi's own courage and persistence. I can confirm whatHaim Dasberg says in the preface: "Memorial Candles touched me deeply."« Dr. Frederik van GelderInstitut fuer Sozialforschungan der J.W.Goethe UniversitaetFrankfurtSenckenberganlage 26D-60325 Frankfurt a. M.Email gelder@em.uni-frankfurt.deShort biographical note Frederikvan Gelder is fellow at the Institutfuer Sozialforschung,Frankfurt/Main. He was born at theend of World War II in theNetherlands, of Jewish parents. Dr.van Gelder holds degrees inmedicine, anthropology, andsociology from the Universities ofJohannesburg and Natal, SouthAfrica and a Ph.D. (Philosophy)from the University of Frankfurt. Hewas active in the anti-apartheidmovement in the seventies(NUSAS).Some of his latest articles can beread at the homepage of theFrankfurt Institute for SocialResearch http://www.rz.uni-frankfurt.de/ifs/ifstexte.htmlCitation Frederik van Gelder, Frankfurt, "It´s hard for me tocope with life. With the dead it´s easier." Dina Wardi´s bookabout the children of the Holocaust. Review of Dina Wardi,Memorial Candles: Children of the Holocaust. London, Taylor &Francis Books Ltd, 1992. 288 pp. In: Trauma ResearchNewsletter 1, Hamburg Institute for Social Research, July 2000.URL: http://www.TraumaResearch.net/review1/geld.htmCopyright © 2000, Frederik van Gelder and trauma newsletter,all rights reserved. This work may be copied for non-profiteducational use if proper credit is given to the author and thetrauma newsletter. For other permission questions, pleasecontact via email the editor Cornelia_Berens@his-online.de

"It´s hard for me to cope with life. With the dead it´s easier" : Dina Wardi´s book about the children of the Holocaust

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