Atshan, Sa\u27ed

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Swarthmore College Works Peace & Conflict Studies Faculty Works Peace & Conflict Studies 10-1-2015 Realizing Wholeness: Reflections From A Gay Palestinian Quaker Sa'ed Atshan Swarthmore College, satshan1@swarthmore.edu Follow this and additional works at: https://works.swarthmore.edu/fac-peace  Part of the Peace and Conflict Studies Commons Let us know how access to these works benefits you  Recommended Citation Sa'ed Atshan. (2015). "Realizing Wholeness: Reflections From A Gay Palestinian Quaker". Friends Journal. https://works.swarthmore.edu/fac-peace/4 This work is brought to you for free by Swarthmore College Libraries' Works. It has been accepted for inclusion in Peace & Conflict Studies Faculty Works by an authorized administrator of Works. For more information, please contact myworks@swarthmore.edu. 1/4October 1, 2015Realizing Wholeness: Reflections from a Gay PalestinianQuakerfriendsjournal.org/realizing-wholeness-reflections-from-a-gay-palestinian-quakerOctober 1, 2015By Sa’ed AtshanRamallah Friends MeetinghouseThis summer I attended my first Gathering. Organized by Friends General Conference, theseannual retreats bring together hundreds of Quakers and their families from across the UnitedStates for a week of community programming and spiritual nourishment. It was a life-transforming experience, and I am still going through withdrawal after being surrounded by1,400 beautiful souls of all ages. Throughout the week, I wrestled with this year’s theme of“Seeking Wholeness,” and wanted to reflect upon what the pursuit of wholeness means tome as a Quaker who is gay and Palestinian.At the Gathering, I grew to understand that we may aspire to become whole but not fullyrealize that possibility, given our scattered beings and lives in today’s world. We spent theGathering week in a beautiful part of North Carolina, surrounded by lush green hills andcloud-capped skies. Despite meeting for worship every day and opportunities for meditation,yoga, hiking, and relaxation, the density of the schedule was exciting and sometimesoverwhelming. It was not possible for me to attend every event related to Israel/Palestine or2/4LGBTQ concerns, plus participate in all the programming for people of color. Furthermore,being present in North Carolina also meant that I had to leave behind my normal life for anumber of days. During one worship, I came to peace with the cognizance that despite beingpulled in so many different directions, my spirit at Gathering and beyond was whole. Oursouls are able to hold all the various parts of who we are. And when we hold one another inthe Light, we merge our spirits collectively in a community of love, nurturing our minds andbodies along the way.Realizing wholeness is also a challenge when we are broken. It is not always possible to findthe words to describe the pain we carry. While at Gathering, we commemorated the one-yearanniversary of Israel’s war in the Gaza Strip last summer, which took the lives of over 70Israelis (65 of whom were soldiers) and 2,200 Palestinians (the vast majority of whom werecivilians). Friends from Zimbabwe spoke of the trauma of experiencing state-sanctionedhomophobic violence in their country, reminding us of the anti-LGBT bigotry that is found inthe United States and around the globe. African American Friends discussed the agony ofwatching the Charleston shooting and the subsequent burning of black churches across theSouth. One individual described feeling the need to join a Baptist church in addition to hismeeting in order to be part of a black congregation during these difficult times. Anotherindividual contemplated how to reconcile our faith-based devotion to pacifism with thepossibility that she “might have still been a slave today if it were not for the Civil War.”Ramallah Friends SchoolAs a Palestinian Quaker who is deeply committed to nonviolence, I must confront similardebates on the most efficacious and ethical ways for Palestinians to achieve our basic rightsand dignity in the context of illegal Israeli military occupation of our ancestral homeland.Coming together with Friends in sharing our heartbreaks with one another was therapeuticand helped alleviate the pain. Knowing that we are not alone is such a critical step on thepath to wholeness. Remembering the words of the Lebanese poet Kahlil Gibran has alsoshaped my understanding of wholesome resilience: “The deeper that sorrow carves into yourbeing, the more joy you can contain.”3/4The spirits of our ancestors guide us in these lifelong journeys in search of healing andresistance to oppression amidst so much suffering. As a Quaker, I am proud of being part ofa faith-based community that has a rich history of unwavering nonviolence and social justicein spite of a world that has long been mired in violence and injustice. From the abolition ofslavery to women’s suffrage, LGBT liberation, and Palestinian human rights, Quakers havebeen at the forefront of countless struggles for equality, and this activism is informed by aspiritual imperative of speaking truth to power.It was through the Ramallah Friends School, a Quaker institution established in 1869 inPalestine, that I was introduced to Quakerism. The school serves both Palestinian Christianand Muslim students, the former tracing their heritage back to the earliest Christiancommunities in the land the Romans called Palestine. The school’s environment of toleranceand respect, celebration of diversity, and high standards of education allowed me to thrive asan intellectually curious teenager who was coming to terms with his sexuality as a gayperson.When away from school, I seriously considered taking my life away. I did not think I couldbear the conditions under Israeli military occupation during the Second Intifada (orPalestinian “uprising”) coupled with my traditional and patriarchal society’s expectations ofmasculinity. Yet the Ramallah Friends School enabled me to experience Quaker moments ofsilence, even while we could hear the sounds of Apache helicopters, Caterpillar bulldozers,F-16 jets, missiles and bombs, tanks and jeeps, as well as funeral processions, marches,and demonstrations. I also performed on stage in the school’s theater, participated in eventsat the chapel, and served as president of student government. Books and the spaces on thebeautiful campus provided me with an escape from the harsh reality around me. I knew that Icould do social justice work using nonviolent tools informed by a theology of compassion.And that I could make my dream come true of attending Swarthmore College, anundergraduate institution founded by Quakers in Pennsylvania, and then Harvard Universityfor my graduate degrees. It became possible for me to find meaning and purpose whilemaintaining my belief in God. Being Quaker has enabled me to be part of a spiritualcommunity that accepts me for all that I am and with all of my complexities.I returned to Swarthmore at the end of this summer for a three-year professorship in peaceand conflict studies, with the honor of teaching at the institution that offered the first peacestudies course in the nation. I hope to keep alive the legacy of the Quakers there andeverywhere who have recognized the Light of God in every human being. The steadfastnessof the Palestinian people who refuse to accept displacement and dispossession and thecourage of LGBTQ people around the world who refuse to languish in closets gives mestrength. As I seek wholeness for myself and my sisters, brothers, and queer siblings inhumanity, I remember the 1824 words of Elizabeth Heyrick, a British Quaker and abolitionist:“Truth and justice, make their best way in the world, when they appear in bold and simplemajesty; their demands are most willingly conceded when they are most fearlessly claimed.”Quakers might be pacifists, but we are not afraid, and this fearlessness brings us closer to4/4wholeness. Quakerism today is not only the most powerful source for my moral compass, itis also the ideology, practice, and community that saved my life. I am forever grateful to theReligious Society of Friends for these reasons, and I’m so happy to be continuing my journeyof wholeness as part of the Quaker community in Philadelphia.Sa’ed AtshanSa’ed Atshan is a visiting assistant professor of peace and conflict studies at SwarthmoreCollege. He is a member of Central Philadelphia (Pa.) Meeting.  

Realizing Wholeness: Reflections From A Gay Palestinian Quaker

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Realizing Wholeness: Reflections From A Gay Palestinian Quaker

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