Blumreich, Kathleen M.

Pace, Diana G.

English

Scholarworks@GVSU

Grand Valley ReviewVolume 18 | Issue 1 Article 121-1-1998Review of Because I Remember Terror, Father, IRemember YouDiana G. PaceGrand Valley State UniversityKathleen M. BlumreichGrand Valley State UniversityFollow this and additional works at: http://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/gvrThis Article is brought to you for free and open access by ScholarWorks@GVSU. It has been accepted for inclusion in Grand Valley Review by anauthorized administrator of ScholarWorks@GVSU. For more information, please contact scholarworks@gvsu.edu.Recommended CitationPace, Diana G. and Blumreich, Kathleen M. (1998) "Review of Because I Remember Terror, Father, I Remember You," Grand ValleyReview: Vol. 18: Iss. 1, Article 12.Available at: http://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/gvr/vol18/iss1/12Review of Because I Remember Terror, Father, I Remember You (by Sue William Silverman) by Diana G. Pace and Kathleen M. Blumreich + In this award-winning memoir, Sue William Silverman relates the physical and emotional trauma she endured as a victim of incest. From the ages of four to eighteen, Silverman was sexually abused by her father, a highly respected and influential figure in politics and business. Focusing on the key aspects of her experience, Silverman graphically details the sexual molestation, explores the coping be-haviors she employed in order to survive-first within a severely disturbed family and later as an independent adult-and describes the ways in which therapy helped her to overcome the shame that incest victims invariably feel. To say that this autobiography is beautifully written is at once a description both apt and incongruous: apt because Silverman's prose is vivid, lively, graceful, and rich in metaphor, the labor of one who deeply senses the rhythms of written language; but incongruous because Silverman's experiences were so profoundly painful that one begins to wonder how the writer found strength to voice them in any language at all. Indeed, much of the book deals with Silverman's attempts to break out of silence, to recover her sense of self and to learn to speak a new language, one in which "love" isn't synonymous with "terror" and "father" synonymous with "lover." A particular strength of the work, then, is its brutally honest writ-ing. The depiction of the author's physical and mental suffering, though often difficult to read, gives us a key to understanding the path of damage brought on by incest. 50 Ofp Psychotht strating 1 of famil through, a facade the pers< child-par lyzed. Outv equally d sel to the in a varic fortable : parent at however, whose se appearan maker ar aware of than face became i behavior. her a "sl1 germs," a underwea abused as been mole ing refug{ the house An es1 have been major pre ' Y O Y ,  L t e s  t h e  i n c e s t .  . 1 s e d  b y  i c s  a n d  v e r m a n  [ n g  b e -e v e r e l y  : s c r i b e s  n e  t h a t  o n c e  a  s  p r o s e  1 e  w h o  g r u o u s  . 1 l  t h a t  ; :  t h e m  s  w i t h  ~nse o f  e "  i s n ' t  l o v e r . "  t  w r i t -f e r i n g ,  n g  t h e  B o o k  R e v i e w  5 1  O f  p a r t i c u l a r  i n t e r e s t  t o  r e a d e r s  o f  j o u r n a l  o f  C o l l e g e  S t u d e n t  P s y c h o t h e r a p y  i s  t h e  i n s i d e r ' s  v i e w  o f  a n  i n c e s t u o u s  f a m i l y .  D e m o n -s t r a t i n g  t h a t  t h i s  d y n a m i c  c a n  o c c u r  i n  t h e  m o s t  n o r m a l - a p p e a r i n g  o f  f a m i l i e s ,  t h e  w r i t e r  s i m u l t a n e o u s l y  e x p o s e s  t h e  m e c h a n i s m s  t h r o u g h  w h i c h  s u c h  f a m i l i e s  m a n a g e  t o  c o n c e a l  t h e  t r u t h  a n d  p r e s e n t  a  f a c a d e  t o  t h e  o u t s i d e  w o r l d .  T h r o u g h  S i l v e r m a n ' s  a u t o b i o g r a p h y ,  t h e  p e r s o n a l i t y  s t r u c t u r e s  o f  t h e  p a r e n t s  a n d  t h e  d y n a m i c s  o f  t h e  c h i l d - p a r e n t  a n d  s i b l i n g  r e l a t i o n s h i p s  c a n  a l s o  b e  d i s c e r n e d  a n d  a n a -l y z e d .  O u t w a r d l y ,  S i l v e r m a n ' s  f a t h e r  w a s  a  s u c c e s s f u l  b u s i n e s s m a n ,  e q u a l l y  d e v o t e d  t o  h i s  w i f e  a n d  c h i l d r e n :  h e  s e r v e d  a s  C h i e f  C o u n -s e l  t o  t h e  S e c r e t a r y  o f  t h e  I n t e r i o r  f r o m  1 9 3 3 - 1 9 5 3 ,  w i e l d e d  p o w e r  i n  a  v a r i e t y  o f  p o l i t i c a l  a n d  f i n a n c i a l  v e n t u r e s ,  m a i n t a i n e d  a  c o m -f o r t a b l e  l i f e s t y l e  f o r  h i s  f a m i l y ,  a n d  p r e s e n t e d  h i m s e l f  a s  a  l o v i n g  p a r e n t  a n d  h u s b a n d .  I n  t h e  s e c r e t  w o r l d  h e  m a i n t a i n e d  a t  h o m e ,  h o w e v e r ,  h e  w a s  c o n t r o l l i n g ,  s a d i s t i c ,  a n d  o f t e n  v i o l e n t ,  a  r a p i s t  w h o s e  s e x u a l  p a t h o l o g y  n e a r l y  d e s t r o y e d  h i s  o w n  d a u g h t e r .  T o  a l l  a p p e a r a n c e s ,  S i l v e r m a n ' s  m o t h e r  w a s  l i k e w i s e  a  d e d i c a t e d  h o m e -m a k e r  a n d  a c c o m p l i s h e d  s o c i a l  c o m p a n i o n  t o  h e r  h u s b a n d .  B u t  a w a r e  o f  t h e  a b u s e ,  s h e  m a d e  n o  e f f o r t  t o  p r o t e c t  h e r  c h i l d .  R a t h e r  t h a n  f a c e  a  l i f e  w i t h o u t  t h e  s e c u r i t y  o f  h e r  h u s b a n d ' s  i n c o m e ,  s h e  b e c a m e  i n s t e a d  a  c o - c o n s p i r a t o r ,  t a c i t l y  a c c e p t i n g  h e r  h u s b a n d ' s  b e h a v i o r .  P l a c i n g  b l a m e  o n  t h e  v i c t i m ,  S i l v e r m a n ' s  m o t h e r  c a l l e d  h e r  a  " s l u t , "  v i c i o u s l y  s c r u b b e d  t h e  c h i l d ' s  g e n i t a l s  t o  " k i l l  a n y  g e r m s , "  a n d  e v e n  f o r c e d  t h e  y o u n g  g i r l  t o  w a s h  h e r  o w n  b l o o d i e d  u n d e r w e a r .  S i g n i f i c a n t l y ,  b o t h  o f  t h e  a u t h o r ' s  p a r e n t s  w e r e  s e x u a l l y  a b u s e d  a s  c h i l d r e n .  S i l v e r m a n ' s  o l d e r  s i s t e r ,  w h o  c l a i m s  n o t  t o  h a v e  b e e n  m o l e s t e d ,  n e v e r t h e l e s s  c h o s e  t o  e s c a p e  t h e  c h a o s  a t  h o m e ,  f i n d -i n g  r e f u g e  i n  b o t h  p s y c h o l o g i c a l  w i t h d r a w a l  a n d  l i t e r a l  a b s e n c e  f r o m  t h e  h o u s e h o l d .  A n  e s t i m a t e d  2 0 %  t o  4 0 %  o f  w o m e n  a n d  1  O o / o  t o  1 8 %  o f  m e n  h a v e  b e e n  s e x u a l l y  a b u s e d  a s  c h i l d r e n  ( M o r r o w  &  S m i t h ,  1 9 9 5 ) .  A  m a j o r  p r e s e n t i n g  c o n c e r n  o f  s t u d e n t s  i n  u n i v e r s i t y  a n d  c o l l e g e  c o u n -52 Diana G. Pace and Kathleen M. Blumreich seling centers today, incest is also cited as one of the reasons for the increase in students seeking psychotherapy (Stone & Archer, 1990). Research further suggests a negative attitude by practitioners to-ward such clients (deYoung, 1982; Courtois & Watts, 1982), and that this non-empathic response can impact the client in a harmful way. Therefore, one of the most important aspects of successful therapy with incest survivors is the therapist's attitude and knowl-edge (Adams & Betz, 1993). In diagnosing and working with individuals who have been sexually abused as children, practitioners tend to think in terms of symptoms (Courtois, 1988). While this methodology can be useful to some degree, merely listing symptoms does not portray the psychosocial setting in which the abuse occurred, nor does it illuminate the logic behind what appear to be random and malfunctional coping behaviors. Morrow and Smith (1995) suggest that a qualitative examination of the stories of actual incest survivors can help to shift the focus from presenting concerns and coping mechanisms to the "individual-in-context," reducing the sense of personal blame and examining the common social themes of incest. Similarly, Long and Jackson (1993) suggest that victims of childhood sexual abuse utilize those strategies which they developed at the time of the abuse in order to avoid feeling emotionally overwhelmed. As Silverman shows throughout her work, the victim of incest must acquire a remarkably strong will to survive: in the author's case, this included childhood escapes into fantasy, reading, and at times into the fevered haze of physical illness in order to gain respite from the abuse and be nurtured in a non-sexual, non-violent man-ner. To preserve her core identity and distance herself from the abuse, Silverman also created separate personalities capable of enduring the violations of her body for her. Later, in her adolescent and adult years, Silverman sought comfort in promiscuous, often unfulfilling or abusive relationships, extra-marital affairs, and food; this latter coping behavior evolved into actions characteristically associated with bul afforded to see he be dysfu scribes s< dialogue, "works" By e:l! her, Silve healing F many vic are strugl hear that severe tha assistance scriptions own sens; is perhaps too distu the early Altho1 others, th she does victim's ar ceeds as n tionship v way in w rendered i of those r Silverman with her I ing visits ately prior f o r  t h e  '  1 9 9 0 ) .  : 1 e r s  t o -2 ) ,  a n d  h a r m f u l  c c e s s f u l  k n o w l -v e  b e e n  e r m s  o f  e  u s e f u l  r a y  t h e  d o e s  i t  1 m  a n d  s u g g e s t  U r V l V O r S  c o p m g  ; e n s e  o f  f  i n c e s t .  i l d h o o d  l  a t  t h e  h e l m e d .  f  i n c e s t  a u t h o r ' s  a n d  a t  1  r e s p i t e  u  m a n -e  a b u s e ,  1 d u r i n g  1 d  a d u l t  u l f i l l i n g  i s  l a t t e r  ; o c i a t e d  B o o k  R e v i e w  5 3  w i t h  b u l i m i a .  T h r o u g h  r e a d i n g  t h i s  m e m o i r ,  t h e n ,  t h e r a p i s t s  a r e  a f f o r d e d  a n  o p p o r t u n i t y  t o  d e v e l o p  g r e a t e r  e m p a t h y  f o r  c l i e n t s  a n d  t o  s e e  h o w  a n d  w h e r e  c e r t a i n  a d u l t  b e h a v i o r s ,  w h i c h  m a y  a p p e a r  t o  b e  d y s f u n c t i o n a l ,  o r i g i n a t e d .  I n  a d d i t i o n ,  b e c a u s e  S i l v e r m a n  d e -s c r i b e s  s o m e  o f  h e r  t h e r a p y  s e s s i o n s ,  a t  t i m e s  i n c o r p o r a t i n g  a c t u a l  d i a l o g u e ,  p r a c t i t i o n e r s  r e a d i n g  t h i s  b o o k  a r e  a l l o w e d  t o  s e e  w h a t  " w o r k s "  f r o m  a  c l i e n t ' s  p e r s p e c t i v e .  B y  e x p r e s s i n g  t h e  d e p t h s  o f  t h e  p a i n  a n d  v i o l e n c e  f o r c e d  u p o n  h e r ,  S i l v e r m a n  e n g a g e s  i n  a  c a t h a r s i s  v a l u a b l e  n o t  o n l y  f o r  h e r  o w n  h e a l i n g  p r o c e s s  b u r  f o r  o t h e r  s u r v i v o r s  o f  i n c e s t  a s  w e l l .  B e c a u s e  m a n y  v i c t i m s  h a v e  n o t  d i s c u s s e d  t h e i r  e x p e r i e n c e s  w i t h  a n y o n e  a n d  a r e  s t r u g g l i n g  t o  h i d e  t h e  r e a l i t y  o f  t h e i r  p a s t ,  t h e y  o f t e n  n e e d  t o  h e a r  t h a t  o t h e r s  h a v e  e n d u r e d  s i m i l a r  s i t u a t i o n s - p o s s i b l y  m o r e  s e v e r e  t h a n  t h e i r  o w n - s o  t h a t  t h e y  c a n  b e g i n  t o  o p e n  t h e m s e l v e s  t o  a s s i s t a n c e .  I n c e s t  s u r v i v o r s  s h o u l d  f i n d  S i l v e r m a n ' s  a r t i c u l a t e  d e -s c r i p t i o n s  o f  h e r  f e e l i n g s  h e l p f u l  f o r  i d e n t i f y i n g  a n d  l a b e l i n g  t h e i r  o w n  s e n s a t i o n s  o f  s h a m e ,  g u i l t ,  a n d  i s o l a t i o n .  O n e  w o r d  o f  c a u t i o n  i s  p e r h a p s  w a r r a n t e d  h e r e :  t h e  n a r r a t i v e  i s  q u i t e  e x p l i c i t  a n d  m a y  b e  t o o  d i s t u r b i n g  f o r  s o m e  s u r v i v o r s  p r i o r  t o  e n t e r i n g  t h e r a p y  o r  i n  t h e  e a r l y  s t a g e s  o f  t h e r a p y .  A l t h o u g h  S i l v e r m a n  e n d s  o n  a  p o s i t i v e  n o t e ,  o f f e r i n g  h o p e  t o  o t h e r s ,  t h e  t o n e  o f  h e r  b o o k  i s  n e i t h e r  m i s l e a d i n g  n o r  u n r e a l i s t i c :  s h e  d o e s  n o t  i m p l y  t h a t  t h e r a p y  a u t o m a t i c a l l y  p u t s  a n  e n d  t o  t h e  v i c t i m ' s  a n g u i s h ,  o r  t h a t  o n c e  t h e r a p y  i s  c o m p l e t e d ,  l i f e  s i m p l y  p r o -c e e d s  a s  n o r m a l .  I n s t e a d ,  S i l v e r m a n  a d d r e s s e s  t h e  n a t u r e  o f  h e r  r e l a -t i o n s h i p  w i t h  h e r  f a m i l y  m e m b e r s  p o s t - a b u s e  a n d  p o s t - t h e r a p y .  T h e  w a y  i n  w h i c h  s h e  d e a l s  w i t h  t h e  f a i l i n g  h e a l t h  o f  h e r  p a r e n t s  i s  r e n d e r e d  i n  a  p a r t i c u l a r l y  i n s i g h t f u l  m a n n e r ,  s p e a k i n g  t o  t h e  p o w e r  o f  t h o s e  r e l a t i o n s h i p s  i n  w h i c h  a b u s e  h a s  b e e n  t h e  b i n d i n g  f o r c e .  S i l v e r m a n  d o e s  n o t  p a i n t  a n  i d e a l i z e d  p i c t u r e  o f  t h o s e  f i n a l  d a y s  w i t h  h e r  p a r e n t s ,  n o r  d o e s  s h e  f o r g i v e  t h e m .  H o w e v e r ,  i n  d e s c r i b -i n g  v i s i t s  a n d  c o n v e r s a t i o n s  w i t h  h e r  f a t h e r  a n d  m o t h e r  i m m e d i -a t e l y  p r i o r  t o  t h e i r  d e a t h s ,  a n d  i n  a c k n o w l e d g i n g  h e r  o w n  g r i e f  a t  54 Diana G. Pace and Kathleen M. Blumreich their passing, Silverman underscores the false simplicity of the as-sumption that there can be no further relationship development or ongoing contact among members of an incestuous family. Re-living the experiences of incest victims from their perspec-tive can be very useful to practitioners since all too often they may rely only on the "professional literature" to gain an understanding of a psychological dynamic or problem. Because I Remember Terror, Father, I Remember You is a comprehensive account of the events, interpersonal interactions, physical and psychological damage, and progression of one woman's life during and after childhood sexual abuse. If Silverman's goals in writing this memoir were to under-stand her past, communicate the secrets of her family to the outside world, and in so doing help other incest survivors to heal, she has succeeded admirably. We highly recommend this book. + *Reprinted with permission from the journal of Student Psychotherapy 12.2 (1997). References Adams, E.M. & Betz, N.E. (1993). Gender differences in counselors' attitudes toward and attributions about incest. journal of Counseling Psychology, 40, 210-216. Courtois, C.A. (1988). Healing the incest wound: Adult survivors in therapy. New York: Norton. Courtois, C.A. & WattS, D.L. (1982). Counseling adult women who experienced incest in childhood or adolescence. Personnel and Guidance journal, 60, 275-279. DeYoung, M. (1982). Innocent seducer or innocently seduced: The role of the child incest victim. journal of Clinical Child Psychology, 11, 56-60. Long, P.J. & Jackson, J.L. (1993). Childhood coping strategies and the adult adjustment of adult sexual abuse victims. journal of Child Sexual Abuse, 2, 23-39. Morrow, S.L. & Smith, M.L. (1995). Constructions of survival and coping by women who have survived childhood sexual abuse. journal of Counseling Psychology, 42, 24-33. Stone, G.L. & Archer, J., Jr. (1990). College and universiry counseling centers in the 1990s: Challenges and limits. The Counseling Psychologist, 18, 539-607. Assign. Universi who got two oft The 2 becarr until fin God He dament~ Call tion; eac duction mg gun! business than an one-act to cut li1 too won most re' new beg paced, tc follows. new lim its man) And lished w do: rewr 

Childhood coping strategies and the adult adjustment of adult sexual abuse victims.

College and universiry counseling centers in the 1990s: Challenges and limits.

Constructions of survival and coping by women who have survived childhood sexual abuse.

Counseling adult women who experienced incest in childhood or adolescence.

Gender differences in counselors' attitudes toward and attributions about incest.

Healing the incest wound: Adult survivors in therapy.

Innocent seducer or innocently seduced: The role of the child incest victim.

Review of \u3ci\u3eBecause I Remember Terror, Father, I Remember You\u3c/i\u3e

http://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/gvr/vol18/iss1/12

Review of \u3ci\u3eBecause I Remember Terror, Father, I Remember You\u3c/i\u3e

Abstract

Similar works

Full text

Available Versions

Scholarworks@GVSU