Bahra, Robert J.

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The Linacre QuarterlyVolume 33 | Number 2 Article 10May 1966To Hide Behind a Veil: (The Nun Without aVocation and the Problems of Leaving ReligiousLife)Robert J. BahraFollow this and additional works at: http://epublications.marquette.edu/lnqRecommended CitationBahra, Robert J. (1966) "To Hide Behind a Veil: (The Nun Without a Vocation and the Problems of Leaving Religious Life)," TheLinacre Quarterly: Vol. 33 : No. 2 , Article 10.Available at: http://epublications.marquette.edu/lnq/vol33/iss2/10such as Catholic Social Services, ifthe couple so desire. The essentialtruth is that help is available for couples who have an additionalproblem, more important, perhaps,than. the difficulties leading more proximately to the desire to planthe family. From the surveys mentioned above many couples indicated sometimesindirectly, that they 'were mostp_leased by the warmth of the physi­cians, nurses and priests who staffthe clinic. The accepting attitude ofthese people is of tremendous impor­tance in developing the atmosphere of trust which will allow the coupleswho do have problems to expressthe symptoms necessary to ascertainthe presence of a conflict, or even the cause of the marital disturbance.Those who write about the needfor free and spontaneous love simplyhav� not experienced a helping op­eration whereby couples learn howto accept the difficulties in marriageas part of this vale of tears. Grantedsome couples have a considerable struggle to restrain themselves, the very act of r fice itself is able to be used as ngth producing, to assist in relat to one another more perfectly an: . eply as human be-ings, bount1. • the divine-human love of God, n and woman. This love does t deny the need for physical ex; ion, but orients this need to t1 Jtal relationship ofhusband a·t ,-ife, as mother and father, as 'r and beloved, as friend and .1d. Counseling has this sort of . tionship in mind, as a goal to tc · ,Jward.We have mg way to go to re satisfied thr ·c are doing all thatcan be dm· :n the Family Lile Clinic, eithe,· · rectly in the rhythm system or · · reedy through the counseling in dews. However, we are helping, ·;d considerable suc­cess is evid, , We are confident that, given fr - , and proper motiva­tion each co•;· :r coming to us will be helped irr.i ,nsely to plan their famiHes <if they (lesire, to -bring about a pregnancy if ,reviousiy infertile, or to accept a ch;;d with greater cahn· ness and lor because of their improved marital relationship. A symposium - The Meaning of Christian Marriage in the Age of Vatican Council II - wi:H be held in Washington, D. C. Novem­ber 8-10. The National Federation is one of the co-sponsors. Writeto John R. Cavanagh, M.D:, 3225 Garfield St., N.W., Washqngton,D. C., 20008 for further details.134 LINACRE QUARTERLY To Hide Behind A Veil (THE NuN WITHOUT A VOCATION AND THE PROBLEMS . OF LEAVING RELIGIOUS LIFE) ROBERT J. BAHRA, M.D. Have we not in our opening an average young woman 1 affluent society, remove her hypothetical experiment accurate Y family ties, deny her the described the total sacrifice of the of material goods, dis- Catholic nun, in accepting and overly affectionate relation- submitting to the vows of poverty, her maternal instincts, chastity and obedience? Do the freedom of choice in ac- psychological laws of predictability ent, give her a monoto- suddenly lose their validity when b to wear, and request that applded to the nun? This would seem a never-ending, submis- inconceivable ; v-irtu•ally all nun_s sometimes rigid daily order, then should ultimately become neu­let us observe. We can be rotic. But only the most casual as-t that the general laws· of sociation with them will reveal thatwill prevail. The young the vast majority possess �11 of. thel progressively and pain- qualities that can be admired m aher ability to adequately personality, and are example� of true conform to this restricted stability and normalcy. In this seem­y because we have cleverly ing contradiction li_es the mr�tery ofso many of her important gvace and its magrnficent ability, not avenues of escape and com- to substitute for, but rather, to co�­All of her basic normal plement nature. From the viewpomt needs are severely frustrated, of psychology t�s . then is t�e realber, it is only in the sat- meaning of a rehg1ous vocation. Itof wholesome legitimate gives to that average but special c1o we obtain our contentment young woman a very remarkable ca­fllftllment in the natural order pacity for adaptation, for to be able lives. The end product of to suppress or repress natural hu­a controlled experience should man needs throughout a lifetime of ; a classic psychoneurotic sacrifice, without distorting the per­with its emotional upheav- sonality, still remains a very ex­*-atic malfunctions, disturb- traordinary psychic phenomenon. It of sleep and appetite, and does emphasize, nonetheless, that the social maladjustments. In nun is extremely vulnerable to theshe is unhappy and must ex- development of an emotional dis­It in some way. Our experi- order whenever religious life fails to II a success - or is it? provide a full measure of satisfac­is a Catholic psychiatrist inJllldice and is also on staff at llaapital, Ann Arbor, Michigan. He• consultant psychiatrist at Mercy in Detroit. tion and fulfillment. A general rule applicable to religious life can be established at this point. A nun without a vocation can ultrl.mately 135 be expected to develo . disorder Th P an emot10nal · e converse h need not be true Th ' owever, for awhile" is f ,:1 unwise and un-air to the ym religious con woman and to the 1ity. There � a an emotional d" . d de presence of rsor er oe essarily indicate that a n s 1:"ot 1:"ec­out a vocation. un rs with-The mature, stable and . nun who treasu h sincere . res er voe t· b vrously sh Id a 10n o -I . ou present no bl t rs the emotionally d" bpro em. ho rstur ed nun I w�ver, who creates the most chal' engmg pe I . . , rp exmg and t . fhcts a psychi t . rymg con -The d f . a nst can encounter e ensrve barriers . . . di . . promptly erected k ngr y and ation and t ma e proper evalu-and exhaus:�:etment an all too slow process. . Whenever an emotion I d. rs suspected a d . . a rsorder ethical and 'mo�al �: srte _of serious and truth dem d i; rcatrons, logicsideration be �n t at careful con­that . given to the possibility a vocat10n to religious l"f d not, in fact, exist. Th I e ?es psychiatl'ist is at once sev:r:te�d1�gica,pped because he is Y. an -area traditionally treatede7termg hansacrosanct manner Th" � a rat er h f . IS IS an ereto ore reserved f . . area rectors wh f or sprntual di-o requen tly d d responsibility to oun e�a e their nuns . thro h hy g discontented ug t e use of platitudes that sol d hs.angume ve not mg d postponed every th. an may be of · mg. Perhaps it mterest to I of the hidd exp ore some l . en reasons for th d "ffi cu ties encountered b e I . -turbed nun . ' ecause the dis-h . does mdeed hide b h" d er veil. . e m A young woman h . d about her de . . w O Is oubtful . c1s1on to e t 1· . hfe usually seeks the n e: re rg10us spiritual director advice of her or confessor Th very unfortunate and . . e d. , 1nappro · irect1on habitu ll . pnate . . a Y given to "t · 136 r y  It �ery importai ·uth to be learned m this matte- -,h d ' e more unstable an malad1·u, 1 an applicant is, the ess likelihoo• h h h ·r er to leave onl'! s e as eri" There are two major reasor th1· I th fi I s. n e �t p ace, it is 8 J ,ently far less trau· matic for h" the prospe;: : stay, than to fal'! 1 returning to the source of he lginal problems. In addition, sh,? d q lien tly harbors un• ue apprehe· .i;1 that leaving will cause humii •Jn and embarras.s· ment to her.'. and to her family. �ny attempt · ncover this conflict �s met with ti.· impregnable defense of denial ·· can maintain the facade of. c; -·ntment until final profession, a1 · , hen forevermore re· main a thor; in the side of her sup · h er_wr or tu �ommunity. Her un· a�pmess rn .. , 3Ubtly permeate an entire conver .. or an entire class· roo�. In the ::onvent, she becomes a disturbing r..�:deus from which the other nuns CJ.nnot escape and in th I ' . e c assrocrr., she can act out her mte�ior miseri:·� on unsuspecting or bewildered children. Once final vows are taken, the �ommunity is ham· pered severely in its ability to effect any change. There are instances, although few i:1 number, when one wonders about the wisdom of finalprofession except after a much longer proven period of time. An unhappy or unstable youngwoman may enter religious life for ma.ny improper motives, and she isoft�n partially or totally unaware oftheir existence or of their undennin'. ing influence. A mistress of novicesLJNACRE QUARTERLYseeks a "secure" refuge be­me of her own insecurity or Wings of inadequacy. She wants to run from an 1lllhappy or traumatic home ataation. She is chronically frustrated and very ambivalent about what she really wants to do in life. She submits to the naive belieftllat she is entering a "peace­ful" existence where sacrifice is always pleasant. Scrupulosity indicates her ap­poach to morality. A scru­pulous young woman should � be permitted to take ,auu vows. an age when she i, still un­aware of what life has to offer in the way of a choice. En­trance into religious life while still in the early teens is men­tioned only to be absolutelycondemned. The suspected presence of anysuch motivating urges should precip­itate  a most careful evaluation, andalways before final vows are taken.Once final vows are taken the complexity of our problem is at times almost insurmountable. When manyyears pass, and the nun begins todoubt the existence of a vocatfon,she is literally trapped. This is true because she is totally unprepared to meet the changing lay world and its economic demands. To encour­age leaving at this time would ren­der her helpless. To the young nun,however, the difficulty appears toarise, in part, from her exposure to many religious life concepts thatseem to be treated as absolutes.They represent the end product of misapplied or misunderstood spiritu­ality perpetuated through the years. Notable among the very many are three commonly believed: l .  Final· profession automatically ..and perpetuaUy confers the grace of a vocation. A vocation to religious life does not carry the indelible mark of a sacrament. It is permanent only so long asthe nun wills it to be so.She is compromising for an h appy or broken love affair. Vocations can be and are lost. A few spiritual writershave disputed this, but ob­servational experience teachesthat it is a very real possi­bility. At times, nuns are --�-h a s b e e n im p r op er l y· .puahed" b y  another nun, or n!mber of her own family, at 1966 137 complacent and �eem oblivi­ous to the fact that grace is �ot a permanent gift, it muste nurtured if it is to grow A ":e�kened vocation then, i� add1t1on to the ab fwill be happy, as a t(. _t empty and UD· I unable to grow person. It would seem l Jnable to assume sence o one, can start the v· .cy 1 f 1c1ous d. c e o events leading to . rsturbances. Once again it Is due to lack of fulfill ' and th ment . . e secondary frustra -twns mvolved. 2. Thoughts of 1 . life are almos eavm� religiousinspired. t always diabolically;:is notion virtually nullifies y attempt at exploration because of the profound guilt �nt self condemnation that rt egets. More often than once, any questions in the area of vocations have emit­ted _feelings indicative of dsee�mg cooperation with the evil. . 3. A nun leaving religious life . m great danger f I . rs vati f h O osmg the sal-on o er soul. 138 A more d · amagmg concept cannot be conceived, and it rep.resents ·&H· a1most-· ble h dl I mtposs1-d lur e. t was apparently eve oped as a fi 1 na argu-;en� to eliminate persistent ou t: When the doubt was not dispelled, then confusion was certainly added to th� :oblei_n. If sanc�ification is e ultimate goal in th 1·f f the h e I e o dist:�:l en the �motionally . I nun rs severely cnpp ed in her efforts Of 1:ecessity, she becomes �utis­;1c, and autism leads to neg-ect and indifference. She that st b �an e in greater dange.: losing her soul in the cc at than out of it Such inbrc id less than truth· ful ideas ar T1cul t to face and r esolve and ,. d - '? smouldering guilt an represse· A ,1ety. young nun may have st; · urges to leave be-cause she r: ·1izes or suspects amistake in . �ring, but will be ove�':helmeC: · · the anxiety of her decrswn �nd 'rench into her per· petual miser., Then too, pity the you n g  wor ··,1 who expresses thoughts of le· ing, for all too often, she becomes ·;.J:1re of an aloofnes.s remir:iscent r � he days of leprosy. :',t this time i;, :1er life when charity rs. most needc :. it may be the least given. WouF it not be better to �onsider tha·t ·,-,liatever time is spent !n religious lif::: represents a mean· mgful i nvestment? Any young wom· a� takes frcr.1 this experience a wisdom that can well sustain her in later life, and it should be so treated by �11 concerned, especially her own family. She will be a better wife, a better mother or simply a better woman. . One canonical provision can be of immense help both diagnostically and therapeutically, but unfortu· nately is almost unknown and unused. It is the privilege of ex· claustration. It simply means a nun can . request a limited time leave from religious life, and still return to her previous full status. Indis· criminately used it obviously can create havoc in a community. ButLINACRE QUARTERLY rery select few, it does pro­with an opportunity to to the lay world and test motives once again. For are immature, it can pro-period of significant growth them much more contented when they return. It· g to note that very fewnuns who exclaustrate ever to religious life again. We can with religious communities, , in their belief that in most teparation should be total and t. entire problem of entering :ving religious life needs an unbiased reappraisal. It a much more intensive of those entering and a atic way for those leav­stigma of leaving must be satisfy. The demands placed on thenun in her work are at times over­whelming, and little realized orappreciated by the laity. This isparticularly true of the teaching nunwho carries the heavy burden of anovercrowded. classroom and an in­flexible convent schedule, and hasprecious little time for her ownspiritual pursuits, or even for herown moments of relaxation. Thefeverish "heresy of activity" is cer-. tainly evident in convent life. Islove measured only by work? Thentoo, the vows of poverty and obedi­ence are occasionally carried toarchaic extremes. Although she ishuman, and has human needs, littleattempt has been made to find suit­able and wholesome outlets so thather own personality can express it­self in a more personal or individualway. Too often, superiors developan unconscious need to mold all ofthe young nuns under them aftertheir own image and likeness, ortheir own concept of personality be-sacrifice of a contemporary far more than that of her of fifty years ago. Herof poverty, chastity and obedi­teniand a type of self-immola-havior. If grace works through na­ture, then nature should not beneedlessly thwarted. One can becertain that emotional disordersamong religious have increased, andwill continue to increase. The lifeof the religious may very wellneed reexamination in the light ofour contemporary culture and ourknowledge of psychological laws. t would put her predecessor · This is true simply be­the society which she leavesmuch more to offer in away, and her natural hu­lleeds are so much easier to 139 

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To Hide Behind a Veil: (The Nun Without a Vocation and the Problems of Leaving Religious Life)

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