Ryan, Ila C.

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The Linacre QuarterlyVolume 52 | Number 1 Article 6February 1985Women Exploited by AbortionIla C. RyanFollow this and additional works at: http://epublications.marquette.edu/lnqRecommended CitationRyan, Ila C. (1985) "Women Exploited by Abortion," The Linacre Quarterly: Vol. 52 : No. 1 , Article 6.Available at: http://epublications.marquette.edu/lnq/vol52/iss1/6the mucus has a distinctly lubricative sensation, and the day foli o· 1g. During t he m onths which may sometimes elapse before mucus o is type occurs, the couple is encouraged to strive to improve the co t gal rPlationship and to strengthen the conjugal love. Experience sur ·sts that t his will increase the possibility of conception . The teac her has the res ponsibility to become well-informed ; J Ut the practical application of the method , and to concentrate o the communication of this information so that she is sure the c• •pie understands it. She shows by her respect for the dignity and privi1 . of the husband and wife, by her kindness and compassion and l her desire to establish an independence of continuing consultatio1 :ith her, that she has the necessary disposition. Having done th i.. she should be serene. Above all , she must convey to the husband am ,.v ife that if t hey choose to engage in coitus during the fertile phase. 1e is ready to give a loving welcome to the ch ild who is likely to h< ·on· ceived . She will be unable to do this unless she is genuine , her attitude of loving acceptance of the child. 28 PLAN TO ATTEND . . . The International Symposium on Human Sexuality April 18-21, 1985 Sheraton Inn Silver Spring, Maryland All tal ks and workshops will be based on the timeless Ch risti an truths about sex, life and the family. A faculty of 28 wor ld-renowned experts will discuss abortion, contraception, "l ivi ng together," population control, sterilization, pornography, t he Pill and the IUD, and other threats to the family. For further information, call or write Rev. Paul Marx, 0 .$. 8 ., Ph .D. (202-546-2257), Human Life International, 418 C Street, N.E., Wash ington , D.C . 20002. -Linacre QuarterlY Women Exploited by· Abortion Ila C. Ryan, R.N. lla _c. R yan , R .N., Maryland state director of WEBA (Women Exp_lotted by Abortion) spoke at the October, 1984 meeting of the Natzonal Federatzon of Catholic Physicians' Guilds. It_ was 1960. I was in my early 20s; I had just graduated from nursmg school and had a new career ahead of me. At thi s time, I f?und myself pregnant for the first time. I was scared to death . I was Sin I l ' . g e, IVmg away from home and the young man involved gave me only one suggestion . That was abortion; it seemed the easy answer. I was afraid to tell m y mother- I didn 't want her to find out about rny. promiscuous lifestyle and I knew she would kill me if I went home ~d told her I was pregr1ant. I did not want anyo~e or anything to :terfere with my lifes~yle and that was party, party, party. I did not ant to put forth the time and effort needed to raise a ch ild. I did not Want to face the embarrassment of having people see me pregnant and ~ ' d . . . rnarne . I was desperate, and illegal abortwn was th~ only option avallabl t I · · e o me, as saw it. All my excuses for abortion were self-centered. Abortion is the most self-centered act I know I . . traveled to Cuba alone and stayed across the street from the garnbr · a cr _mg casmos of t he Hava~a ~ilton .. In t he morning, I was taken to hi i~ic where I met an .abortwmst who spoke no English. Following a 8 Sign lan~age, I responded in agreement to general anesthesia. I Wakened, nd of my " problem ." The price was $250. ~Relief" would describe my conscious thoughts and feelings more ha "regret. " I was free of the " problem " and nobody knew what I d done. I returned to the States to try to live my life in t he normal Way - for myself. but year later I was in th_e sa_me condition, with the same problem, the procedure for solVIng it was not as simple. This t ime I made ~gements in Harlem, New York. I climt>ed up on a ki tc hen table in asement apartment and watched as the instruments were taken out February, 198 5 29 ·-• • .. . . of a dirty linen hamper and boiled on a kitchen stove. Withou he benefit of any anesthesia, my cervix was forced open . This Cc ;ed immediate vomiting. A rubber tube was left in my cervix for a . ort time and pitocin was · administered to stimulate contractions. 1 vas given an antibiotic and sent home. This treatment was suppos• to bring about abortion in 24 hours. It failed; I bled for a weel md returned to the abortionist to have the procedure repeated. The S• ·)nd time it worked- in less than 24 hours. After about six hours o1 ood labor, I had the baby in the toilet. I had to fish it out in order ' be sure everything had been expelled from the uterus. I had been out four to five months pregnant. My dead baby was a boy and cost 50. My third abortion was in an abortionist's office in Mor ·eal, Canada. I went in alone. A D and C was performed without anesl · ~s ia . I remember being in a great deal of pain which seemed as tho :h it would never end. Again, the "problem" was gone. The father ( the "problem" arrived to pick me up, and we returned to the hotel nere I found his gift of red roses waiting. The cost of this baby: $350 . Last Abortion Most Troub lesome My last abortion took place in 1964. It was the most troub ' ·some and difficult to obtain. A friend accompanied me to San Juan , • ·uerto Rico, with no contact previously arranged. After a two-day S ~' reb, I found a man who would do the abortion for $400. I was to r e•. ive a spinal anesthetic for this one. The next morning in the abor t ionist's office I received my spinal, to no avail. I did feel the scraping of the womb and, as with the second abortion, I vomited through t h t• vhole thing. I remember that during the entire procedure, I stared a c a big gold crucifix hanging from the neck of the butcher. What a h y pocrite! On the flight home, and for the next month, I suffered various complications: bleeding, abdominal pain, severe headaches. :\ nemia followed. Reluctantly, I went to a real doctor, who pulled o ut some "tissue" which had not been removed by the abortionist in Puerto Rico. Each time it seemed abortion was the only answer. After the first one, it's easier to go back the ·second, third, and fourth times. MY heart was hardened. Not once did I think of my baby as a baby. I couldn't allow myself to think that way. At no time, with any of the abortions was I informed of prenatal development, the procedure to be used, possible risks or complica-tions, or what to do if anything did happen. No operative permit was involved at all. I find ·this trend to be almost the same today . Women are not counseled on alternatives, . risks or complications. They are promised a local anesthetic which does not work most of the time and they feel the entire procedure which is somewhat of a shock when one 30 Linacre QuarterlY expects anesthesia. They sign an operative permit which relieves the abortion clinic of responsibility if there is a complication . I know of no other branch of medicine where this is allowed. They are never informed about prenatal development. The baby is never referred to as a baby, but rather as a product of conception, uterine contents, blob .of tissue, mass of cells- never a baby. The woman is coerced into an abortion during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy when she is at her lowest ebb, emotionally and physically. · What with nausea and vomiting and the ambiguous feelings about the baby (which is a symptom of pregnancy) , abortion seems like a quick end to the early discomforts of pregnancy. I personally feel a woman should not be pressured into making a hasty decision during the early months of pregnancy. I feel she is being manipulated in to this decision for the profit of the abortionist. It is a decision which she will regret the rest of her life. · It was almost 20 years before I began to talk about my abortions. The ultimate truth was hard to face. I had not solved four "prob-lems." I had not simply removed four growths of "tissue" from my womb. The truth was, I had murdered four innocent babies who were helplessly dependent upon me for their lives . I had chosen to give them death. I had sought to live my life the normal way - for myself. I had succeeded. The result was death, but not only for four babies. I was dead, too. And I deserved much more punishment than that Which I had inflicted upon the babies- I deserved the life apart from God which I had chosen for so many years. Moreover, I deserved to be shutout of His Presence forever . Before facing these hard truths - I lived in a continuous spiritual and mental state of alienation, guilt and self-hate. This sent me on a road of almost total self-destruction. I began to drink heavier than ever before - I tried to lose myself in the bottle - in the arms of many, many men and overwork. I could not stand to be alone with my thoughts. I so desperately wanted to be loved and accepted but I . COuld not allow people to get close to me. I was afraid if they knew What I had done, they wouldn't like me. My personal relationships were stormy and brief; I felt God could not possibly love me for all ~~e terrible .thing~ I had done. So beca~se I fel~ He hated me, I hated m, I demed Him and was very afraid of Him. During the 60s, a :attern formed - drink, fall into sexual relationships, get pregnant, ~rt, feel guilty, fearful, lonely, self-hateful- then start all over llgain. _M~ first marriage did not ease the soul-sickness, and because of my :kmg and numerous affairs, it ended in divorce after seven years. 1 ere were no children born to this marriage. I did not want children. couldn't look at a baby without crying. 1 eventually became so lonely, so guilt-ridden, and so desperate, I saw · · SUicide as the only way out of my torment . I overdosed on February, 1985 31 .  . . ' . Valium and Jack Daniels and was admitted to 'an alcohol rehabilit ion program on Oct. 10, 1976. It was while in rehab that I began be aware of a Power greater than myself. I prayed for the first t i ~ in many years and my ·prayer was answered. I suddenly realize0 hat there was a God out there and He heard me. He must care f1 me because He answered my prayer. My heart began to be filled w it joy and hope and I was no longer alone. He came to me where I wa~ in a nut-house with a bunch of drunks. Shortly after my new relationship with God was established , esus Christ was brought into my life and I accepted Him as my pe nal Savior and Lord of my life. My life changed rapidly and dramat ally. I was able to stop smoking three months later. The compuls n to drink left me. I know it had to be God Who did this; no hum r had ever been able to make me stop drinking before. Nurse-Anesthetist by Profession By profession, I am a nurse anesthetist (a person who puts v u to sleep for your operations). I had been giving anesthesia for ab< rt ions in the hospital I worked in. I felt I understood the women's d i mma and sympathized with them. I knew how lonely and scared the .• were, and I wanted them to know I understood. I wanted them to ha ve the best anesthesia I could give. I don't know how many times I d id this. The last time I gave anesthesia for an abortion, it was to be a hyster-otomy. The woman was about 6 lf2-7 months pregnant. I p ut her to sleep as usual, the incision was made in the abdomen, then into the uterus, and a baby was pulled out. I 'mean a fully developed , m oving, breathing baby. It hit me like a ton of bricks. The baby was pu t into a bucket of water and drowned. I was shaken and I knew at that mom· ent I had stood silently by and condoned murder, not only t his time but many times before. I told my boss I would no longer give anes· thesia for abortions and was removed from those duties. My life started to improve after this and I really began to im prove in my recovery from alcoholism. I began to like people and not be afraid of them. I prayed on a daily basis. I had an overwhelming desire to go to church which I did and still do to this day, not because I feel I should, but because I want to go to thank our marvelous G od for mY sobriety and all the wonderful blessings which He has bestowed o n me. About a year and a half after my suicide attempt, I was married again to a most wonderful man . He was so supportive to me and today gives me all the freedom I need. He can trust me and I trust m yself. The compulsion to seek out men has been removed. I am faithful to one man at long last. Our marriage has been blessed by the birth of a beautiful son on Aug. 23, 1980. To me, he is a direct sign of God's forgiveness. The 32 Linacre QuarterlY pregnancy, labor and dt:>livery were smooth as silk. I didn't even have morning sickness. I was so happy to bf' J.Jregnant at the age of -11. After four abortions. I was ablt> to carry an abso lutely normal prt>g-nancy to full-term and givP an easy birth to a normaL healthy \'hild. 0, Goc;l is so good . Only though Hi s gran· and His J.Jrutec t ion wa~ thiS possible . I later became involved in \\'Ork to open a cn~JS Pregnancy Center in my community . With the help of God and many good pt:>ople in my ehurch, I was able to finally talk about my abortion,., to large groups of people. My tl:'stimony was used to 111flut> nc e our t·hun:h planning munl'il to support the Center. I began to ~Pan·h out reading m ate rials and lt>arn all I l'o uld about abortiotL It wa~ 'v\htlP st>t>i ng so m e of the graphtL' pietun•s of ahortl'd babies -- all t·ut up tn J.Ji e1·e;; - th at I fully realized my sins as murder . I had only been abll' to talk and think about my stn as abortion. \\'hen I confessed be fore thP Lord my sin of "murder.·· I was ~ · omp!Ptt->ly frPP. Today I have J.Jeace o f mind . a lx>autrful gift from God . I Wt>nt on to heC'omt:> Involved in WEB:\ and know I must do all I (·an to help stoJJ lt>gal abortion in thts country. I do this by spt->a king to wuup!:t anyttmP I'm ill\' tli•d - i'hllrt 'hPs. pro-life groups. Sl'hools. etc. I rt•ach out to wom en who want hPlp and sharP my testimony with them to hP!p tht·m ftnd tht· one answt•r tu the Pmotio nal h ell that follows abort ton - - that i::,, fo rgivenPss through ,Jesus Christ. He waits Wtth arm~ outstn·ll ·hPrl Jll~t watt ing fur us to co me to Him and ask for and n·ct>tw IIi~ forgivt'rw ,; ~. Only in !lim do I havt · hope fur my babies who have di ed and for my husband. and my four -yt->ar -old son who lives. . To God belongs t hP glor)' 1 ~ 1 Ft>bruary, 1985 33 ·-. . 

Women Exploited by Abortion

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Women Exploited by Abortion

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