Locklin, Gerald

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A HELLER OF A MESSi'm working the last dayof walk-in registrationand nearly all our classes are closed.a bright-looking kid says,"i need advanced composition." i ask, "have you taken freshman composition?" and he says, "no."so I say, "you have to take freshman composition before you can take advanced composition," and he says, "okay, then, give me a card for freshman comp."i have to tell him: "i can't. all the sections are closed."from the way he's looking at mei can tell what's going through his mind,so i say, "i know it sounds like catch-22,but that's only natural, we do the best catch-22'sof all in the english departmentbecause, you see, we're required to memorize the book before we can be hired."i don't have the heart to tell him that none of this has mattered anyway because all the advanced comp sections are also closed.KINESTHETIC SCULPTURE OF JOHN STUART MILL BANGING HIS HEAD AGAINST THE ROCKjohn stuart mill, in his essay on liberty, enunciated a principle that proved, for over a hundred years, as workable as it was simple:make laws only against tangible, direct, measurable harm, don't make laws against people harming themselves or giving bad example or lowering the moral tone of the society.murder was out; the private life was in.then, in the late 20th century,someone in the insurance companieshad a brainstorm —  if you harmed yourself45you were probably raising the insurance rates for everybody, therefore, you were actually (or actuarially, at least) doing tangible, economically measurable harm to others.thus, the mandatory seatbelt law.thus, the smoker leftwith no place to smoke.thus, the sin taxes —  pay in advancefor your eventual cirrhosis.if aids were confined to the homosexual population the country would just let them all die off. but since it may not be, don't be surprised to see the nisei internment camps extended to gays.i'm sure the technology already existsto detect whether you are brushing your teethregularly and correctly.if not, why should i or my employerpay your periodontist for you?and if you get robbed or rapedby someone who's just reada book of my poems,why shouldn't you be able to sue me for damages?what's frightening is that i find that allbut a few of my students,even the brightest of them,see nothing wrong with the above.they are comfortable with a world asprojected and protected by the statisticians,politicians, criminologists, a.m.a.,and the radical leaders of theseand other pseudo-liberal reforms.but maybe they're right, god (read: b.f. skinner) knows how much of an impediment to our blandest of new worlds might prove even so pitiful a reactionary remonstranceas this poem.I'VE HAD MY UPS AND DOWNS WITH WOMENusually i knock them up and they knock me down.46

A Heller of a Mess

https://ddd.uab.cat/pub/wormwood/wormwood_a1987v27n2-3i106-107/wormwood_a1987v27n2-3i106-107p45.pdf

A Heller of a Mess

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