Dalg, Saul T.

Tepel, S. Timmerman

English

University of Baltimore School of Law

University of Baltimore Law ForumVolume 6Number 2 November, 1975 Article 811-1975How to Find a Job - How to Understand aChauvinist; or How to Read "The Truth isImportant...' by Saul T. DalgS. Timmerman TepelSaul T. DalgFollow this and additional works at: http://scholarworks.law.ubalt.edu/lfPart of the Law CommonsThis Article is brought to you for free and open access by ScholarWorks@University of Baltimore School of Law. It has been accepted for inclusion inUniversity of Baltimore Law Forum by an authorized editor of ScholarWorks@University of Baltimore School of Law. For more information, pleasecontact snolan@ubalt.edu.Recommended CitationTepel, S. Timmerman and Dalg, Saul T. (1975) "How to Find a Job - How to Understand a Chauvinist; or How to Read "The Truth isImportant...' by Saul T. Dalg," University of Baltimore Law Forum: Vol. 6 : No. 2 , Article 8.Available at: http://scholarworks.law.ubalt.edu/lf/vol6/iss2/8How to Understand a Chauvinist; or How to Read "The Truth is Important . . ~' by Saul T. Dalg by S. Timmerman Tepel My apologies to the "little ladies" of our FORUM audience for the sexist stance embodied in the following article. Publishing a piece of this nature is-obviously - violative of THE FORUM'S policy; however, it occurred to me that Mr. Dalg's article is, in micro-cosm, to be sure, an outstanding exam-ple of the way in which the average male "legal mind" (speaking euphemistically, of course) works. Forewarned is forearmed! The Truth is Important, But Lies Are Often More Important by Saul T. Dalg, B.S., L.B.S., B.B.S.,D.D.B.S., (ed. note: The writer is an expert at finding jobs, having found fourteen jobs in the last two years.) Most graduating law students are con-cerned about finding a job. While there are quite a few openings for attorneys, there always seem to be more applicants than positions. It is therefore necessary to resort to extreme measures in order to create a more favorable impression 1m THE FORUM upon an employer than all the other applicants. First, remember the value of first im-pressions. While Americans histOrically reacted favorably to humility, character and good manners, they now respect only profit. The more flamboyant the lawyer, the more outrageous his fee. Rather than walking respectfully. hat in hand, into the office and politely request-ing an audience, hire ten beautiful models to carry you into the office in a large stuffed armchair. Once inside, clap to be put down, clap to have your cigar lighted, and rudely demand to speak to the senior partner. Boss the secretaries around and call every male "JACK." Wear a large ring on every finger. When you see the senior partner, repeat his name softly several times while squinting your eyes and rubbing your chin. Then shrug, and say nothing. Do not ask for a job, but hint broadly that you night accept one if the price is right. Never forget that money is the most important thing in life. During the interview, accept a phone from one of your models, tell the interviewer to wait, pick up the receiver, and say "Sell it! Fire him! Have my jet ready in an hour!" Slam down the receiver and glare at the interviewer as if considering whether to fire him, too. Women looking for a job should al-ways offer a carnal bribe. Men expect it, and it is the proper thing to do. If both parties are of the same sex, always con-sider all alternatives. Employers respect adaptability. Truth is important, but lies are often more impressive. Never lie about insigni-ficant details, or in little ways. Lie out-rageously with confidence and imagina-tion. The bigger the lie the less likely it is to be checked. Inc:licate that you were elected to the law review, graduated first, started successful corporations, quarter-backed the football team, and are pres-ently under indictment (the 1976 status symbol is an indictment; only prominent or rich people are indicted today). Intimidate the interviewer. Never let him gain the upper hand. If he does manage to ask a question, ignore it. You should ask the questions, and probe deeply into the interviewer's private life. His habits, the IQ of his children, the background of his wife, even the muscu-lar c:lisease of his tailor should be brought into the open. Preparation is of paramount importance. Do your homework. Learn the names of attor-neys in the position you want, and for two days before the interview, call the senior partner every hour and complain about the idiot. Initiate a whopping law-suit against him for malpractice, and helpwantedhelp wantedhel~wanted helpwanteohelp wantedhel~wanted helpwanteohelp wantedhelpwanted helpwantedhelp wantedhel~wanted helpwanteohelp wantedhelpwanted helpwantedhelp wantedhel~wanted helpwanteohelp send him flowers. Pace around the office; harangue; point fingers; inform the employer that money is everything; that you never in-tend to lose a case, because everybody has a price. Indicate that you know the Govemor very well, and that most of the state judges are close relatives. Call the interviewer by his first name, but insist on being called Doctor your-self. Tell him he has a blotch of mayon-naise on his cheek. Wear your oldest suit of clothing, but on the first button hang the purloined price tag of a baby grand piano. If you are told that you will not be hired, smile sympathetically, and agree that your price is probablY too high for most "average" law firms. As you are being carried away, tell the interviewer you really hope to see him in court one day, and start to laugh hysterically. If you don't receive a call, at least you had fun. Since you are reading this arti-cle it is obvious that you are a loser any-way, and have no change whatsoever of getting a job. Give up! 

How to Find a Job - How to Understand a Chauvinist; or How to Read  The Truth is Important...\u27 by Saul T. Dalg

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How to Find a Job - How to Understand a Chauvinist; or How to Read The Truth is Important...\u27 by Saul T. Dalg

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