Kokai, Jenny

English

Digital Commons @ Butler University

Manuscripts Spring '99Bob's Beef Jerkyfor Brie(The stage lights come up on a woman chained to a vending machine with the large caption"Bob's Beef Jerky". She is holding note cards. A large padlock is draped across her chest.)GiriToday is the day I change the world. No longer am I willing to settle with just a vegetarianposter on my wall, eating healthy myself, or telling my friends. I'm going to tell everyonein the whole world! We're going to make everyone vegetarians! (Laughs maniacally) I'mgoing to stand here until the news comes, and the papers come, and I can convince Americathat I am right, and they are wrong.(A man enters rifling through his pockets for change. He looks up and notices Giriblocking the change slot.)EricExcuse me, but you've chained yourself to my future lunch. Could you move a little to theright so I can get the jerky out and then I'll be on my way and you can stay there.Giri(whips out a notecard) ehh-hem. Number three, for the hurried business executive whodoesn't think he has time to become a vegetarian.EricExcuse me?GiriYou ...EricMe?GiriYeah, you. The hurried business exec. who doesn't think he has time to become avegetarian.EricWho's talking about becoming a vegetarian? All I wanted was some beef jerky for lunchand now I'm going to be late for my meeting because you've chained yourself to themachine.9Manuscripts Spring '99GiriSee, you've proven my point. Ok, business, I can do business too. I'll cut you a deal, youstay long enough for me to tell you why you should become a vegetarian, and I'll maybeget out of you way so that you can have some beef jerky.EricYou'll maybe get out of my way??!!?? I'll counter offer, Ilisten to your spiel, and you mustget out of my way.Giri(hurriedly) We'll see. Ok, now, here are the reasons you should become a vegetarian. Asyou know, you are a hurried business executive with very little time. (She smilesknowingly at Eric) And since you have little time, you think that eating out of vendingmachines such as this one. (She gestures to the machine) is the only way to go. Guessagain! An exciting alternative to this is Vegetarianism! Modern vegetarianism comes inmany forms, first there are the vegans, who eat only ....Eric(Cuts in) OK, OK, now how about the beef jerky?GiriIhaven't finished yet!!! The deal was the whole speech for some beef jerky (under herbreath maybe).EricWhat did you say? Forget it, I'll go to the restaurant next door and treat myself to someVeal Parmesan.?GiriHow could you possibly think of eating veal??EricOK, no beef jerky, although I don't know why. WHY can't I eat veal?GiriBaby cows, separated from their mother. at birth, t~ed~milk mixture that causes them to.dieat three weeks old and while they're alive, they live IIIpens too small to move around m,never cleaned out. They get diseases, they suffer, they die, you eat them. Do you seeanything wrong with this? Do YOU? I DO!!! DO YOU?!?!?EricBut the cows are put on earth to be eaten!!!GiriThey're what???? Are you NUTS???10Manuscripts Spring '99EricLook, If cows were not made to be eaten, why would god have made them?GiriIf you weren't made to be eaten why would god have made you?EricYou're psycho, I'm calling the cops.GiriWait! You promised!! You said if you listened to my speech I would give you some beefjerky. And you haven't listened to my speech, so I'm not giving you any beef jerky.EricI said I would got to the restaurant and eat something else!(Enter a newswoman with a camera. She is busy adjusting her hair and checking a handmirror for her makeup. She looks bored and begins setting up the camera)MariaHere we are live at the scene of a sit-in in process. This woman, (Holds microphone up toGiri's face)//'GiriGiri Thomas. (Pulls out a note card) And I'm here today to tell everyone about themiracles of Vegetarianism. Vegetarianism. Vegetarianism is not just for the hippies andbeatniks people have thought it was at first. ..MariaThis woman, Giri Thomas, a rabid vegetarian, is holding this man here hostage. Thesuspect has chained herself to the Bob's Bee Jerky machine, and refuses to be unchained.More updates in a while from WSAM News. We're there when the news is happening.GiriI'm not holding him hostage!!!MariaYou're hanging onto his tie and you won't let him go. What do YOU call that?GiriI said I'd let him go if he'd just listen to my reas,?ns f?r why he shoul? become vegetarian!And now for you the modem woman who puts In a full day at the office, then goes homeand cooks Note card #8.EricCould you get her off of me? I can't breathe!11Manuscripts Spring '99GiriIf you'll just turn that camera on for a moment (looks at note card) and let me tell the worldabout the wonderful, healthful, cruelty free lifestyle that is vegetarianism! Then I'll let this. man go. ~ha~'s why I called you and told you that a woman was chaining herself to beefJerky machme m the basement of this building. So I could spread the message! That's whyyou came!!MariaIt was a slow news day.GiriDon't say that! You don't mean that! You came to hear the WORD!Maria(to Eric) And you are?EricEric ...Maria(Turns the camera back on) This is Maria Scott reporting back from the hostage scene. Theterrorist has made her demands and the SWAT team is now attempting to argue with her.The suspect still holds a man, believed to be named Eric, at gunpoint. We'll be back withmore news from the scene in just a moment.GiriThat's not TRUE! You can't say that! I don't have him at gunpoint! If he wanted to leavehe could have just wrenched away from me! I'm chained to a machine! And there are nopolice here! I don't believe in guns! I'm anti-gun! I'm a pacifist! That's why I DON'TEAT ANIMALS! Don't you understand? Now all those people out there watching thenews think that I'm some sort of awful insane woman! They won't listen to reasonablearguments form a woman they believe to be insane! It's .alllost, all of it! I might as wellgo home! You've killed all my hopes, my plans, everythmg! How can you do somethinglike that?MariaI told you! It was a slow news day! I just took the tru.tha~d embellished it a little!Nobody wants to hear about a story about a peaceful fanatic! You have to make it(Reverently) NEWSWORTHY!! I mean, do you really think the public would tune inevery night if all the news had were people like you? We're competing against Hollywood!We don't have big stars, or gorgeous models, or the money! So we have to have PLOT!12Manuscripts Spring '99EricWait a minute! Now I thought she was nuts (gestures to Giri) but you're even nuttier!Aren't there laws against that?MariaOh! Like anyone will care! The public doesn't want the boring old truth anymore! Itwants drama, excitement, adventure!EricWho are you to decide what the public wants?MariaWE have DEMOGRAPHICS! WE know what the public wants! Do you haveDEMOGRPHICS??EricI am a demographic! !GiriWait! Listen! I came here to tell the world about vegetarianism! Now YOU havedestroyed my reputation! And YOU still don't want to become a vegetarian! What am Ig?ing to do? They'll send me to prison! I'll be locked up! Behind bars! Away from myammals! And who will protect them? Someone like you will come along, claim their solepurpose for existence is to feed you, and eat them!And then, someone like you will come along and film their bloody carcasses for the sixo'clock news! I won't let you! You can't!MariaSure I can! I am THE NEWS!EricThat doesn't mean you can get away with just anything! You're supposed to give the publicthe truth!MariaWhy won't you listen to me? I told you! The public doesn't WANT the truth!GiriNo kidding! I keep trying to tell people what meat does to their heart~! And do they listento me? No, of course not! "Leave us alone Giri! We just want to enJoy our steaks!" "Bequiet Giri! We need that protein!" The average h~m.an.being gets three times the pr?teinhe needs a day! And along with all that extra proteI? ISfat, ~nd the f~t ca~ses h~art dlse~seand osteoporosis, and then they die! Heart disease ISon.eof the lead~ngkillers IIIAmencatoday! And it's things like beef jerky that cause a lot of It! Why don t you put that on yourTV tabloid show you call news?13Manuscripts Spring '99EricAre you serious? Meat causes heart disease? My grandfather died from a heart attack!GiriThat's all the more reason why you should take steps to see that you never have a heartattack. If it runs in your family, then you have a great chance!EricBut what do Ieat instead of meat? Imean, that is one major food group!Giri(begins to unchain herself from the machine) Well there are lots of things that you couldeat. For instance .MariaW~it a minute! If you're not chained up, how am Igoing to convince America that you'remsane? And if you really start listening to her, then how am Igoing to say that she'sholdin.g you hostage? You'll wreck my story! Can't you please chain yourself back to thatmachme? Come on, I'll buy everyone beef jerky on WSAM! Ihave an expen~e account!Just please chain yourself back to the machine? Pretty please? Pretty please WItha cherryon top?GiriIdon't want any beef jerky! What part of vegetarianism don't you .get?EricSo if Ieat beef jerky Icould die?!?GiriExactly!MariaSo you're not going to chain yourself back to the machine?GiriThere's no need to. I've given Eric my strongest arg.um~nt~for not eatinr the beef jerky,and so if he wants to go ahead and kill himself, then fine.Eric(Realization slowly dawning) Wait! You're saying that ifl eat t~is b~ef,jerky I'll die. Thisminute? But I've eaten meat before and I'm still alive!MariaYeah, and Ieat meat all the time and my doctor says I'm as fit as a fiddle!14Manuscripts Spring '99GiriOK, Ok. So you won't die today, or tomorrow, but eventually your arteries will begin toshrink, you can almost hear them! "Stop Eric! Don't shrink us! We should stay big andhealthy and allow blood to pass easily through us!" And eventually, your tiny pitifularteries will give out, and that meat, over all the years will have killed you. Maybe nottoday, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not for you. But with your family history of heartdisease .... well. ...EricOhmigod! I'm gonna' die!MariaGet a grip. You aren't going to die. She's misleading you.GiriOh, like you're one to talk!EricI'm not going to die?MariaTrust me, you're not going to die.GiriHow can you trust her? She said I was holding you at gunpoint./-:MariaYeah, but that was for work. I'm really a very honest person.EricIf you'll lie for work you're not an honest person. And if you go around telling everyonethat they're going to die today if they touch a hamburger, then you're not honest either.Maria+GiriBut I was dishonest for a purpose!GiriIf! don't give drastics, people won't listen!MariaHey, the same for me!GiriWait, I'm the same as you? I don't think so! I tell the people what could happen.15Manuscripts Spring '99MariaAre you saying that people don't hold others hostage at gunpoint? That could happen too!GiriI'm so confused. All I wanted to do was convince everyone that eating meat is bad.Maria(fakely) And all I wanted to do was tell everyone that taking hostages was bad.EricYou what?! Come on.Maria(Sullenly) OK, OK, so all I wanted was a story. But nobody ever would've known thedifference.EricThat's not the point.GiriYeah, the news is supposed to give the people the truth!MariaSo if we'd put your story on, with you telling everyone what you told Eric, would that havebeen any better?GiriSo we're both wrong?MariaWell, technically, but I always look at it as ... hey! Have you e~er considered being a TVnewsperson? There are many openings for people Withyour talents.GiriI don't think I'd like to consider "embellishing the truth" as one of my talents.EricIf you're both wrong, that leaves Me to be right. So I think I'll have that beef jerky now.GiriAfter everything that I've told you?EricYeah, but how much of that was truth? I mean, meat's harmless right? You were just,umm .. Embellishing.16Manuscripts Spring '99GiriExcept for the part about dying today I wasn't! Everything else I said was true, 100percent.EricThey really treat cows that way?GiriYeah, sad isn't it?MariaWhat way?EricGiri says that they lock little cows up in dirty pens and starve them to make VealParmesan!MariaHey! I bet I could get a story out of that! A big expose. I can see it now. (Switches toNewswoman voice). This is Maria Scott on the scene of one of man's greatestinhumanities, what do you call that?GiriFactory farming.//MariaFactory farming. (Reverts to normal voice) And you could come along as my residentanimal rights expert!GiriSo Icould really get the message to everyone?MariaEveryone who watches WSAM!GiriBut you'd have to promise to be truthful. Only the truth. No embellishing.MariaI'd try. And if people really treat cows like that, why then the truth would be big andbloody enough! (Giri grimaces)GiriOK, here's how ...17Manuscripts Spring '99(The two exit chattering excitedly about their story. Eric is left alone with the beef jerkymachine. He looks at it a long moment, glances around cautiously, then hurriedly sticks hismoney in the machine. He takes the beef jerky and runs out of the room embarrassed tohave it. Lights go down)-Jenny Kokai18

Bob\u27s Beef Jerky

https://digitalcommons.butler.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=4101&amp;context=manuscripts

Bob\u27s Beef Jerky

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