O\u27Sullivan, Joan

English

Digital Commons @ Butler University

46 MANUSCRIPT!"Ok, so what's your game? Oh, yeah, they said you'd bearound. A real headshrinker, huh? Hey, you know, you're thefirst one I ever met. Yeah, my mother goes to one all the time,but you're the first real live one I've talked to. No bit with thecouch, though, huh? Well, I guess you have to expect that aroundhere.Sure, I'll tell you about it. You probably know what I'm herefor. Yeah, it was a pot party-last night at my house. Nobodywas home, you see, that's why we had it there-I mean, my parentsaren't potheads or anything. They're in Spain now-they left justbefore vacation started. My sister was home from school for awhile, but then she went skiing in Vermont with her boyfriend, soI've been home alone all week. So I was really glad when Bill-Bill Carl-he's in here someplace, too-well, he called yesterdayand said he'd gotten some stuff in the Village. We called a coupleother guys and got some elates, and they all come over last nightaround eight. It was our regular crowd, mostly. 'vVeused to havepot parties at the beach last summer, but really, it's better in ahouse where you can spread out and get comfortable and really turnon, you know? Well, anyway, they all came over last night andwe started puffing-it was really nice-a real smooth affair untilthe heat showed, I still don't know who fingered us-they won'tlet me talk to any of the other guys. I don't have a clue who tippedthem off about it. They brought us here and I haven't seen any-body except my father's lawyer since-from the real world, I mean.My parents? Oh, yeah, they were mad, I guess, but mostlybecause I called them in Spain, 1 think. My father kept yellingabout never being able to have any peace and quiet and did thewhole tired-businessman bit. My mother didn't say too much-sheusually doesn't get excited. She just asked if it was going to be inthe papers. It was, wasn't it? Yeah, well, finally my father goton the line again and told me to call his Jawyer and to keep mymouth shut. Oh, yeah, he also said it was pretty stupid to getcaught. My parents weren't too surprised, though, there's been aMANUSCRIPTS 47lot of it going around Greenwich lately-people are kind of gettingused to it now. The ones I feel sorry for are the girls-it's badenough [or a guy to have a record, but a girl-well, if it gets aroundtoo much she can really be hung-up socially. All the ones there lastnight were swingers, too, I mean, like their fathers are all big dealsand all that. This could really screw them up college-wise, too, youknow? Could screw us all up, for that matter. What do you thinkwe'll get? I heard the judge is a real bear about it cause so manykids were going in for it around here. Like, zow, I've been IIItrouble before, but this time they may really have me.Yeah, I was in trouble a couple of times, but I never had to goto court about it. One time, there was this girl up at school-St.James' Prep up in Massachusetts-e-anyway, there was this townieup there that I used to bang around with for a while. Well, shegot pregnant and all that, but rny father's lawyer worked it out-paid off her old man or something, I don't know. I haven't seenher in a long time. Don't know if she ever had the kid or not.Then there was this other time, when I was sixteen. A bunch ofus stole a car one night-just for kicks, you know? VI,!e took offfor the city, but we didn't even get to the state line before they gotus. The lawyer got me out of that one, too-out of court. Mydad's pretty good at that stuff, really. Otherwise-well, he's ok,I guess. I hardly ever see him. I've been going away to schoolsince I was eleven, and he's always away on trips and things, any-way. He's a big man in the city though, so he kind of has to playthat role. And my mother, well, she's all right. She makes theparty scene all the time, so she's not home much either. Usuallyshe goes to Bermuda or someplace for the winter. She and myfather fight all the time, but they're not divorced or anything, atleast not yet. My sister and I just try to stay out of their way whenthey're horne, cause it's easier that way. My sister-Francie-is acouple of years older than I arn-goes to Smith. vVe've always beenclose, you know? I guess cause my parents were never around.But now she's usually with her boyfriend, so I don't even see hermuch anymore. I can't complain though-I've always gotten prettymuch what I wanted. Like I have my own boat and I got a car assoon as I was sixteen. They give me a pretty good allowance too,which is more than a lot 0 [ guys get. I guess they're not the greatestparents in the world, but they're ok. I mean, like my father neverhit me or anything, except a couple 0 [ times when he was drunk.48 MANUSCRIPTS/Do I drink? Hell, yes-what do you think? The New Yorkline's only twenty minutes away, for God's sake. vVe've been goingover since we were fifteen. A whole carload of guys would go,and whoever looked the oldest went in and got the stuff, then we'ddrive around drinking it. I usually bought it cause I'm tall, youknow? After a while you get to know the places where they don'tcard you, and you never have any trouble. After I got my car, itwas really great-I would bomb over before a date and pick up somestuff, then we'd go to a drive-in or someplace. Man, we used toget so smashed it was unreal. I guess it was last summer, though,when we started getting bored with the old pint-and-a-drive-in bit.Some kid started telling us about how they used to get high at schoolon cough syrup, and we decided to try it. It got to be a really bigthing for a while, then we started mixing it with goof balls andbennies-that's even wilder. This guy we knew had a contact outon the Island-it was really a good deal for us. One night aroundthe end of July this one kid-well, I don't know exactly what hetook, but whatever it was, it was too much. He was always kind ofa dumb kid, anyway. They found him the next day out behind abeach house-nobody knew exactly how he got there or anything.That really put the heat on, though, and you couldn't get a pillunless you were dying and fifteen doctors said it was ok.So we went back to booze for a while, then this kid made acontact in the Village and started getting pot for us. It was a lotmore expensive than the pills, a hell 0 f a lot 1110re,but it wasn't asif we couldn't get the money. Like at my house-my parents alwayshave cash laying around. After that, we were on pot for the restof the summer, and, man, what a di fference! Well, you see, withthe pills, you get a kick, sure-it's like you could run forever if youwanted to, or fly or something. Or else-depends on what youtake-you just feel kind of dreamy and above it all-like you'llnever die. And everything's beautiful-the world's beautiful, themusic's beautiful, your girl's beautiful, you're beautiful-everything.You just kind of float along and look at it all, you know?But with the weed, it's elifferent. All of a sudden you're there-it's happening and you dig all kinds of things you never really gotbefore at all. Like you hear something new in the music, or yousee something in someone you never even suspected. You know?Everything jumps out at you-every thing's clear and simple andsharp. You see all the big things that matter and all the pettyMANUSCRIPTS 49things you say and do that don't matter at all. It's just big thingsand you. I mean, it's a feeling you don't even come close to onbeer or pills-it's not physical like that.Once I felt that way when I wasn't on pot. It was whenFrancie-that's my sister I told you about-Francie was in thiswreck one night. They called us up hom the hospital and said tocome down right away-that she might not live. So we all wentdown-my mother and my father and I. It was like one in themorning when we got there, and we sat there almost all night. Myfather kept walking around yelling at my mother for letting her goout with boys in cars and that whole bit, but my mother just satthere and looked kind of blank. She's not the type to cry or any-thing-she just sat there. I kept thinking-all night-what I'd doif she died. I thought I'd probably go crazy or something like that-she was all I had, you know? So anyway, we waited there in thisclingy little room with a crazy dock that ticked like a time bomb.Finally at quarter of six a doctor came in and said she was going tolive. When I heard that, I just took off. Ran out of the hospitaland just kept going until I couldn't run anymore and I fell down inthe grass along the side of the road. It was early June, and thesun was just starting to come up. Everything was drenched indew, and it was all kind of sparkling and shiny. The whole worldwas beautiful, as if I'd never seen it before. The flowers and thegrass were fantastic, and the sky was unbelievable and the birds'singing was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard. It was likesomebody had pulled a blanket off my head and all of a sudden Icould see and hear and smell for the first time. It was amazing,really. Pretty soon my parents came along and picked me up. They'dbeen fighting again-about whether Mother should go to Greecethe next day as she'd planned or not-and the feeling faded and Ifell back to the same old dirty world again. But that's how I feelon pot-like I did that clay after I found out Francie wouldn't die.I guess that's why I take it, really. I mean, if you can forget aboutyour crummy stinking life and all the crummy stinking people in it,if you can just get out of yourself and be something good and cleanfor a change, why not? What's so wrong with it, for God's sake?I never feel like I'm breaking a law 01- any think. You know?Hey, so what do you think we'll get? You must have someidea. God, I hope it's only a fine-I'm supposed to be back atschool next week for a game-I'm on the team, you know?

The Cell

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