Word Ways resumes this anthology of light-hearted wordplay (see the May 1984 and November 1984 issues) with the perennial favorite, What\u27s the Question (orginated by Steve Allen in 1958)

Phillips, Louis

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I162 THE APPLE-SAUCE CHRONICLES LOUIS PHILLIPS New York, New York Word Ways resumes this anthology of light-hearted wordplay (see the May 1984 and November 1984 issues) with the perennial favor­ite, What IS The Question (originated by Steve Allen in 1958). CARBON COPY Why did the math teacher give John Carbon an F? ROBERT BROWNING What is Redford doing on the beach? DUNKIRK What did the bill collector do to the star of Champion? LAKE SUP ER lOR I s Veronica Lake as good an actress as Candace Bergen? TRADE RELATIONS What is the best way of dealing with your rela­tives? CYCLAMATES What does Cycla do on Saturday night? SALT SHAKER What religion is Wa"ldo Salt? THE BEAT GOES ON What did Ed Sullivan tell CBS when certain ex­ecutives objected to haVing Jack Kerouac on his show? CHARITY IS NOT PUFFED UP Does Charity look pregnant to you? INKA DINKA DO What members of the Dinka culture in Sudan oppose the Jonglei Canal project? ART OF THE VATICAN How should you not refer to Pope Arthur? THE BEST DEAL IN TOWN What do youget when you as"k Bret Mave­rick to play poker with you? SWEET DREAMS What does the actroess Blanche Sweet do at night? IRVING STONE Describe Irving Wallace after he looked into the face of Medusa? MAGIC CASTLES What did Houdini say to Vernon and Irene when asked what he did for a living? PUT ON A HAPPY FACE How do you disguise yourself as one of the seven dw ar fs? COUNT DOWN What is the mood of Dracula today? CRISS-CROSS How does Christopher Reeve feel about the review of his film Monsignor? SALES PITCH What did the baseball manager tell Soupy to do? HIGH TIDE What do you get when you put marijuana in a box of detergent? LUKE SHORT Why is the Gospel according to Luke so popular? FISH AND CHIPS Can you name two popular TV shows? ROGER SESSIONS What are names for orgies? TA IL GATE How did the press label the recent scandal in the pro­sti tution racket? FORMAL SPL 1T What happened when the wife of the Jolly Green Gi.­ant rented a ball gown two sizes too small? A HOST OF ANGELS How would you describe God if he threw a din­ner party in Heaven? SOAP BUBBI JOHN O'HAR OFF AND R after sh€ GIANT POWI WINNING H poker ta YELLOW PA LEMON PLt only car URGENT Wh KKK How dl BUZZ OFF GAYLE SAY] TIP TOE Ir MATCHING THE CRADL where to PRICE HIKI FRANK LOV 1RON EYES to do Wf FOOTLOOSE COUNT DRA Census? THE GREAT 1 MAY NEl after be CIGARETTE smoking~ ONE I F BY traveler DIRECT HI' The follow give the r, ZORROBA " on his E BIRTH OF human s LORNA Dm planet 0 THOSE MAC torture ABE'S LIN Chi.cago THE MOON buttocks THE WRIGJ-i THE GNAT' parks h THE HOME wordplay (see rennial favor­1958). ,on an F? =:hampion? ,s as Candace l th your re la-en certain ex­.,? to you? Sudan oppose Arthur? sk Bret Mave­at night? into the face d Irene when as one of the the review of to do? in a box of pular? 1 in the pro­,lly Green Gi­threw a din­163 SOAP BUBBLES What must you do when glVIng Beverly Sills a bath? JOHN O'HARA What do you call a bathroom in the Chicago airport? OFF AND RUNN ING How would you describe the secretary's stocki ngs after she undressed? GIANT POWER FAILURE Who was Goliath? WINNING HEARTS AND MINDS What was the cannibal doing at the poker table? YELLOW PAGES What was abhorred by King Arthur's knights? LEMON PLEDGE What is it called when you take an oath to buy only cars made in Detroit? URGENT What do you call Gilgamesh? KKK How do you indicate three strikeouts on a baseball score card? BUZZ OFF Is astronaut Aldrin working today? GAYLE SAYERS What do you call weathermen who predict hurricanes? TIP TOE In a restaurant, what should you do for waiter John Toe? MATCHING OUTFITS What do pyromaniacs specialize in? THE CRADLE WILL ROCK What do you tell William Rock when he asks where to put the sleeping baby? PRICE HIKE What does Leontyne do on her summer vacation? FRANK LOVEJOY How can you describe the Kama Sutra in two words? IRON EYES CODY What did Dr. Victor Frankenstein ask Buffalo Bill to do while building his monster? FOOTLOOSE AND FANCY FREE Why did the editor reject the poem? COUNT DRACULA What advice recently came from the Director of the Census? THE GREAT DIVIDE What do important amoebas do? 1 MAY NEVER PASS THIS WAY AGA IN What di d the quarterback say after being intercepted? CIGARETTE L IT How do you describe the literature dealing with smok ing? ONE IF BY LAND, TWO IF BY SEA How many martinis does a nervous traveler need? DIRECT HIT What did Mike Nichols do to The Real Thing? The following books, plays, movies and musical compositions may gIve the reader a sense of deja vu. ZORROBA THE GREEK A swordsman goes around Athens carving Zs on his enemies BIRTH OF A NASION The Ku Klux Klan gather at a point in the human skull LORNA DUNE A Scottish lass fights giant sandworms on the barren planet of Arrakis THOSE MAGN 1F ICENT MEN IN THE 1R FLAYING MACH INES A film a bout torture during the Inquisition ABE'S LINCOLN IN ILLINOIS A car chase movie on the streets of Chicago THE MOON IS BLUE Alaskan college pranksters flash their naked buttocks at strangers in sub-zero temperatures THE WRIGHT STUFF A biography of the inventors of the airplane THE GNATURAL A movie about a flea that hangs around baseball parks hoping to make a comeback THE HOME OF THE BRAVES An epic about a band of baseball 9lay­.164 ers as they move from Boston to Milwaukee to Atlanta TRUE GR I TS John Wayne plays the role of a professional food-taster in the South THE ADVENTURES OF ROB INSON CARUSO Enrico I s brother sings arias on Friday on a deserted island THE SPOONING RIVERS ANTHOLOGY Short stories about Joan Rivers I love life YO JUMBO Ak ika Kurosa wa 's comedy a bout a flying elephant over Tokyo THE ADVENTURES OF ROB IN I HOOD A children's book about a bird that joins the Mafia T IN PAN AL I The saga of an ex-boxing champ who turns to song­writing LOOK BACK IN ANGRA A drama by John Osborne about the capital of the Azores THE WILD BRUNCH Willi am HoI den and a gang of desperados tangle over a late breakfast in this violent Western TARZAN OF THE UPS A wild man from the jungles goes to work for a deli. very service DARTH OF A SALESMAN Darth Vader unsuccessfully tries to support his family by door-to-door sales . KING SOLOMON'S MIMES Starring Marcel Marceau, thIS film shows a great king acting out his life in pantomine RAC IN E WITH THE MOON Sean Penn and Nicolas Cage are small-town youths who want to stage classic French theater at night A	 MOST HAPPY FULLAH A new musical from Guinea SADI NIGHT FEVER A story about a Jewish scholar who works him­self into a sweat trying to remember the 18th letter of the alpha­bet YOU, KANT, TAKE IT WITH YOU A noted philosopher is thrown out of an Ivy League university and is told to take his mistress with him MY BONNIE LIES OVER THE OSSIAN A Gaelic folk tune DAYS OF SW INE AND ROSES Mi ss Piggy I S amazi ng dramatic debut in a film about alcoholism AUNTY MIME A movie starring Marcel Marceau in drag DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HUD Paul Newman plays a cynical cowboy with a split personality KONG-TIKI The story of a giant ape that sails from South America to Tahiti WADING FOR LEFTY How a famous pitcher was saved from drowning by his friends DR. JEKYLL AND MR. NAUGAHYDE A physician turns into a couch at night FOR HUME THE BELL TOLLS A Scottish philosopher goes off to fight in Spain THE IMPORTANCE OF BE I NG, ERNEST Till ich 's advice to Hemingway ZINDERELLA A Nigerian fairy tale FROM HERA TO ETERNITY A new film about Greek mythology I, THE JORY The autobiography of film actor Victor Jory THR EE DAYS OF THE CONDO Robert Redford pI ays a man on the run from a ruthless group of landlords who pose as CIA agents OF MICE AND MENU A novel about a restaurant that serves rodents for lunch ALL THE KON VERDIGO An mysterious SAMSONITE A that loses MUNI ON THE hoff and H IRMA LA DOU MY WICKET, quet playe PLAY IT AG, the makinf] THE CALL 0] Fairbanks HASH, HASH, open a be them out 0 HALL EL UJAH, to suit Blc SAIGON WITH RUBENS HOOD to the pOOl UPS, THE DOl PRO MISSES, THE HUNCHBl for the be" A.M.A.	 DEUS revenge on GUEST, WHO' burn star ter brings THE MAGIC F sings his ABAE'S IRISf­PIRATES OF for his pa EL NORTE Bi er and si~ CIA agent RA ISA IN THJ THE MEDEA I THE MADWOMJ STALLONE RA al food-taster r sings arias Joan Rivers' =lephant over about a bird lrns to song-t the capital erados tangle ; to work for es to support s fi 1m shows re small-town ight o works him­of the alpha­s	 thrown out hi s mistress amatic debut cowboy with louth America rom drowning into a couch off to fight Hemingway )gy 1 on the run igents =rves rodents 165 for lunch ALL THE KONG'S MEN An ape runs for governor of Louisiana VERDIGO An Alfred Hitchcock film about a composer who meets a mysterious woman in San Francisco SAMSON ITE AND DEll LAH A Biblical film a bout a piece of luggage that loses its strength MUNI ON THE BOUNTY A book of criticism by Paul Muni about Nord­hoff and Hall 1RMA LA DOUZE A film about twelve women named Irma MY WICKET, WICKET WAYS A movie starring Errol Flynn as a cro­quet player PLAY IT AGAIN, SPAM Woody Allen's hilarious documentary about the making of a popular luncheon meat THE CALL OF DE WILDE A film star tries to phone his agent from Fa i rbanks HASH, HASH, SWEET CHARLOTTE Betty Da vi sand Oli via DeHaviland open a beanery in a small town. and Victor Buono comes to eat them out of house and home HALLELUJAH, I'M A BUMSTEAD Dagwood tries to change his lifestyle to suit Blondie SAIGON WITH THE WIND The epic story of the fall of South Vietnam RUBENS HOOD The story of the painter who robbed the rich to give to the poor UPS, THE DOWN STAIRCASE A delivery company recarpets its stairs PRO MISSES, PRO MISSES A musical about women on the golf tour THE HUNCH BACH OF NOTRE DAME A noted musician composes music for the be lIs A.M.A.	 DEUS God joins the American Medical Association to take revenge on a composer who envies Mozart GUEST, WHO'S COMING TO DINNER Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hep­burn star in a film describing what happens when their daugh­ter brings home a noted American poet THE MAGIC FLUTIE An opera about a college football player who sings his way to a million-dollar contract ABAE'S I RISH ROSE An ancient play produced in Phocis. Greece PIRATES OF PENANCE Captain Kidd reforms and tries to make amends for his past behavior EL NORTE BY NORTHWEST An Alfred Hitchcock thriller about a broth­er and sister from Guatemala who are mistaken for an imaginary CIA agent RAISA IN THE SUN The story of Mrs. Gorbachev's life THE MEDEA IS THE MESSAGE Marshall McLuhan' s book on Euripides THE MADWOMAN OF SHALLOT The biography of Julia Child STALLONE RANGER Cowboy epic featuring the hero of Rambo 

The Apple-Sauce Chronicles

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The Apple-Sauce Chronicles

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