Readers are encouraged to send their own favorite linguistic kickshaws to the Associate Editor

Silverman, David L.

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46 KICKSHAWS DAVID L. SILVERMAN We st Los Angele s, California Readers are invited to send their own favorite linguistic Idckshaws to the Associate Editor. Correspondents who wish a quick acknowl­edgement should provide a self-addressed postcard (a stamped card is requested only if the contribution is filled with calumny, hauteur, scorn and invective). Unless questions are posed as Challenges (a euphemism for problems that the Kickshaws Editor was either too lazy or too inept to solve) , their resolutions will be found in the Ans­wers and Solutions section at the end of this issue. One Million Couplets (or How to Reduce The Muses! Work Factor) Pick any number less than a million. If it has fewer than six digits, add an appropriate number of zeroes at the left (thus, 2643 would be­come 002643). Reading down the A, B, C, D, E and F columns {on this page and the next} successively, accept your own private Kick­shavian couplet, selected from our stock of a million. (2643 results in the enchanting poem II Oh, the locusts hit the hay when Great Grand­ma made that playll .) Actually, there are four million rhyming coup­lets here since any of the four orders ABCDEF, AECDBR, ABFDEC and AEFDBC will work equally well. The idea was pilfered from Martin Gardner l s Mathematical Games department in the Decembe I" 1974 issue of Scientific American. whe re­in among other oddities and curiosities he exhibits a similar four­column table, a giveaway of Honeywell Incorporated, which generates ten thousand different sentences of purest technical jargon, called A B C 1. Hark! the neighbor s won't obey 2. Note - I finally hit the hay 3. Well, Nebraska had to pray 4. Jeez! your in-laws went astray 5. Ah, the Girl Scouts spent my pay 6. Whew! Ross Eckler came to stay 7. So my family felt so gay 8. Hmm, Venusians cried Hooray!9. Now our country caused delay 10. Oh, the locusts left today SIMP for 5il The idea pate in the I ble) Project you will hay ter and rhyn such as: He It made the case you (in, The best issue with gl staff is cons as first priz phia. Shiftwords a Ron Jer< zles readers hours combi Dictionary t( TEE. He S\l TRAUNGER strange r, in words. he p and SLOCKI bettered by IS M. the latl Hon. Soure, book in Engl The two corr As for de nal letter is ATE: TEA, SPICA: PIC) D I caus but yet for so wher and sinc4 thoul whi1( .istic kickshaws ick acknowl­,tamped card my, hauteur, hallenge s (a ; either too md in the Ans­ark Factor) r than six digits J 2643 would be­columns (on )ri vate Kick­(2643 results ~n Great Grand­rhyming coup­BR, ABFDEC ernatical Games nerican, where­milar four­·hich generates gon. called , 47 SIMP for Simplified Integrated Modular Prose. The idea is worth expanding, and we invite all reade r s to partici­pate in the IMPACT (Integrated Modular Poetry - Analytic Choice Ta­ble) Project. By having nine option columns with ten choices apiece, you will have the chance to compose a billion quatrains using any me­ter and rhyme scheme you wish. We recommerrl some simple format such as: He followed her to school one day / That was against the rule / It made the children laugh and play / To see a lamb in school. But in case you find this too confining J expand at will. The best two IMPACT formats will be featured in the August 1975 issue with generous prizes to be announced in the rv1ay issue. The staff is considering offering a weekI s paid vacation in Philadelphia a s fir st prize with second pri ze two week s' paid vacation in Philadel­phia. Shiftwords and Double Shiftwords Ron Jerome of Berkshire, England, well-known to Games & Puz­zles readers as a contest-winner par excellence, has spent several hours combing through the dense undergrowth of the Oxford English Dictionary to find longer wortl)..y shiftwords than EMANATE - MANA­TEE. He suggests GRIDELIN - RIDELING and the even longer ES­TRAUNGER - STRAUNGERE (variant spellings of estranger and stranger, in case you didn't recognize these). For unworthy shift-words, he proposes the apt SWORDSMANSHIP - WORDSMANSHIPS and SLOCKING-STONE - LOCKING-STONES, but these efforts are bettered by Dmitri Borgmann \ s EXHIBITIONISMS - SEXHIBITION­ISM, the latter from the American The saurus of Slang J Second Edi­tion. Sources are open on all shiftword challenge s, i. e., any word­book in English, including dictionaries, thesauruses and glossaries. The two component words need not come from the same source. As for double shiftwords, which also form words when the termi­nal letter is moved to the front, Dmitri improves somewhat on our ATE: TEA, EAT with EVIL: VILE, LEVI; MITE: ITEM, ElvlIT; SPICA: PICAS, ASPIC; MASSA: ASSAM, AMASS; LEASE: EASEL, D E F I cause the Coast Guard played croquet. but our children held full sway. yet Saint Nicholas made that play. for Great Grandma showed di smay. so Dick Nixon drew a trey. when the Hes'sians turned quite gray. and Jay Gatsby lost the way. r! since Big Brother found decay. though Black Sambo blew away. while the clergy seemed O. K. 48 ELEAS; TABLES: ABLEST, STABLE; TRAVES: RAVEST, STRAVE; TRIPES: RIPEST, STRIPE; TERNES: ERNEST, STERNE and EVOL­V£R: REVOLVE, VOLVERE. Six letters is the present official rec­ord since all of the above words appear in Webster I s except VOL­VERE, which is probably found as a main entry onl y in Latin dictionaries, Late Review We finally found a copy of a book that got by us nearly a decade ago. It took six months, which is about par these day s for out- o£- print books, but it was worth it, and we I d like to recomm.end to you Richard Ar­mour l s Punctured Poems (Famous First & Infamous Second Lines) , ably illustrated by Eric Gurney and published by Prentice-Hall in 1966. Of the eighty-odd couplets that make up the book, a collaboration be­tween Armour and some of the finest poets throughout the ages, here are a few of our favorites: Marlowe: Was this the face that launched a thousand ships? No wonder there are keel marks on her lips. Shakespeare:	 Full fathom five thy father lies. I pushed him. I apologize. Blake: Tiger! Tiger! burning bryte, What hath caused thee to ignyte? Congreve:	 Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast; That I s why I keep a ilute tucked in my ve st. Thomas Brown:	 I do not like thee, Doctor FelL The reason is you charge like hell. Browning:	 I sprang to the stir rup and J oris and he; I sat upon JOrlS, the third guy on me. Fitzgerald:	 The moving finger writes and having writ, Is badly stained with ink, you must admit. Milton:	 When I consider how my light is spent, 1'm glad utilities come with the rent. When we brought up the topic of punctured poems to the Poetaster, he expre s sed regret that, unlike the limerick, the c1erihew, and even the double dactyl, the punctured poetical form has, alas, simply not taken off. Why, I have at least fifty of my own" said he, and proceed­II ed to rattle them off while we searched vainly for a tactful way of stop­ping him so that we could resume the business of the day. We remem­ber only four of his -- collaborations, respectively, with Keats, Still, Spenser and Landor. We trust that Kickshavians can supply us with enough better examples than the Poetaster r 5 to generate a good kick­shaw: I V I E Partial Dige Kevin Ke calling our a you?" The 1 appeared in the human b, All right PIN, POT, to stick with obsolete or old ought to the Digest c We came up ARM EAR EYE ( Ye s, we kr when its ow ditional bod BOX, TAST COR (in me turns) , PAl medicine, a FAT (not s( (of the HngE The sec Blackledge, one to ten IE THEY, THI THEMSELV Buried Dog: The Bo)! thanatolog y, :;T, STRAVE; E and EVOL­official rec­ept VOL­,atin dictiona rie s. { a decade ago. - of- print books, ~ichard Ar­and Lines) , ~ - Ha11 in 196 6 . boration be­e ages, here sand ships? .er lips. tge breast; ly vest. he; writ, ,dmit. :It, :he Poetaster, lew, and even , simply not e, and proceed­ul way of stop-We remem­:l Keat s, Still, pply us with a good kick­49 My heart aches and a drowsy numbne s s pains My back; I always get this when it rains. I cannot eat but little meat; Which rises with the cost of wheat. Me seeInes the world is runne quite out of square, With naught but cattes and hippies everywhere. I strove with none, for none was worth my strife; Besides, I leave the fighting to my wife. Partial Dige shon Kevin Kearns sent us a copy of the September 1973 Reader I 6 Digest, calling our attention to a quiz on page 90 called How well-lettered areII you?1' The first question, reprinted froIYl a quiz by Mickey Porter that appeared in the Akron Beacon Journal, was: Can you naIYle ten parts of the human body (no slang words) that have only three letters? All right, that lets out ASS, BUM, CAN, DOG, GAM, NUT, PAW, PIN, POT, WIG and a dozen or Inore other slang terms. Let l s agree to stick with main entrie s in Webster I s Collegiate. That bar s certain obsolete 0 r archaic terms such as COD. Even so, the average ten-year­old ought to have little difficulty finding the Digest ' s ten terms (although the Digest claimed that few people are able to think of Inore than seven) . We caIne up with the following twenty: ARM GUM HIP LEG MAW RIB TOE EAR GUT JAW LID PAP SAC VAS EYE HAM LAP LIP ROD TIT ( Yes, we know LAP is a bit que stionable, since it I S a part that vanishes: when its owner stands up.) The Dayton Demon points out that three ad­ditional body parts are possible if two-word terms are allowed: VOICE BOX, TASTE BUD, PIA MATER. Diving into the Big Web, he adds COR (in medicine, the heart), CUP (the socket in which the hip-bone turns), PAD (the ball of the thumb), PAN (the cranium) and REN (in medicine, a kidney). If you really want to stretch it, he sugge sts FAT (not 60 much a part as a condition), PIT (of the stomach), TIP (of the finger or tongue) and TOP (II from top to toe ll ) • The second question in the Digest quiz, submitted by Ethel H. Blackledge, involved a sequence of pronouns increasing in length from one to te n letter s. One example Ii sted in the Dige s t was I, HE, YOU, THEY, THEIR, MYSELF. HIMSELF, YOURSELF, OURSELVES and THEMSELVES. Can you extend the sequence? Buried Dogs The Boys from Burial Hill came up with the following bit of canine thanatology. Ask any person much under 50 years old for the most so famous movie dog and you will probably get the answer LASSIE. Now, Illa s s ie" is in Webster I s Third buried io. for example, the word classier. On the other hand, anyone much over 50 would reply RIN­TINTIN. Can you find where" rintintin" is buried? The Big Challenge Only one reader, Faith Eckler, responded to the challenge that ap­peared at the end of this department in the November 1974 issue, but the response was so overwhelming a tour de force, that we have decid­ed to hold the challenge open just to see if it can be topped. The task was to select any ten letters of the alphabet and come up with the max­imum po s sible double - five r s, 1. e., divisions 0 f the ten lette r s into two groups of five. each group anagrammed into a word. Faith chose the letter s AEILNOPRST. Not content to find a single pair of words for each possible division, she searched out all the anagrams as well -­for example. SNAIL SLAIN NAILS SALIN vs. TOPE R REPOT PROTE PORET POTER. Restricting herself to boldface entries in Webster IS Second (plus inferred forms), she found pairs of words for 90 of the 126 possible divisions, plus more than 400 additional anagrams. Lack of space prevents us from giving the anagram variations, but the 90 pairs (plus a few single entries) are listed below. Our prior challenge had the rather inane requirement that each word appear as a main entry in some dictionary, but Faith wisely modi­fied the rules to allow all entries, including combining forms, below the line words, reformed spellings. dialect variants, etc. Sources are, therefore, open and include all words appearing explicitly or by inference in any dictionary published since 1900 or in any non-refer­ence work (novels J poetry collections, magazines, etc.) published since 1950. (Oh ye s. Dmitri, they must be in English.) Howeve r, to encourage reader s to use common words when available, we propose the following scoring system: 4 points for words in Webste,r' s Pocket Dictionary (u se the new 1974 edition) ; 3 points for words in Webster IS Second or Third; 2 points for words in other dictionaries such as Ox­iord, Random House, Chamber S Funk &: Wagnall s; and I point iorJ non- dictionary entries. Using this system, Faith scored 645 points (asterisked words in the Pocket Dictionary) • a total we think will be hard to beat. If it is bettered with another letter-group, the holder of the record as of November 1975 will receive the 12-volume set of Chadwick's Guide for the Wordsmith, consisting of alphabetical. re­verse-alphabetical, isomorphic, anagrammatic, syllabalary, rhyming and other convenient listings for English words, subdivided by word lengths [rom one letter to twenty. AEILN alien* sport* AEILO AEILP Pilea snort* AEILR Ariel pants AEILS aisle* AEILT alite AEINO AEINP AEINR niepa strol reina plots * AEIOT AEIPR AEINS anise* AEIPS sepia* AEINT AEIOP tinea slorp AEIPT AEIRS Fieta snorl raise * AEIOR AEIRT irate* AEIOS AEIST taise AELNO alan· AELNP plan AELNR lear AELNS lane AELNT lateJ AELOP pale AELOR oral AELOS aloe AELOT AELPR peal AELPS laps AELPT plat, AELRS lase AELRT late AELST leas AENOP paec AENOR AENOS AENOT aton AENPR arpE AENPS aspE AENPT pate AENRS snal AENRT antr AENST ante AEOPR opel AEOPS apo~ AEOPT poet AEORS aro~ AEORT orat AEOST asot AEPRS spaJ AEPRT tape AEPST past AERST stal Reversals SERUTA in mind, No liqueur) . W ASSIE. Now, :he word reply RIN­lenge that ap­4 issue, but \Ie have decid­d. The task with the max­~tters into two th chose the f words for ~ as well -­POT PRaTE in Webster \ s or 90 of the grams. Lack but the 90 that each h wisely modi­rms I below Source s licitly or by non-refer­published However, to we propose :er r S Pocket in Webster's such as Ox­point for ,45 points ink will be he holder of e set of ,etical, re­ry J rhyming d by word sepia* Pieta snorl raise * irate * taise AELNO AELNP AELNR AELNS AELNT AELOP AELOR AELOS AELOT AELPR AELPS AELPT AELRS AELRT AELST AENOP AENOR AENOS AENOT AENPR AENPS AENPT AENRS AENRT AENST AEOPR AEOPS AEOFT AEORS AEORT AEOST AEPRS AEPRT AEPST AERST alone* strip* plane * tor si * Ie ar n* po sit* lanes* orpit laten spiro paleo- snirt orale pint s * aloes* print* snirp pearl* sinto lapse* nitro* plate* irons* laser* point* later* spion least* arpin paeon	 slirt split* atone* pirls a rpen toil s * aspen* litro paten* roils * snare* pilot* antre spoil* antes* pirol opera* lints* apose poeta snir1* arose* orate* asate spare* Nilot taper* lions>:< paste* stare* pilon AILNO AILNP AILNR AILNS AILNT AILOP AILOR AILOS AlLOT AILPR AILPS AILPT AILRS AILRT AILST AINOP AINOR AINOS AINOT AlNPR AINPS AINPT AINRS AINRT AlNST AIOPR AIOPS AlOPT AIORS AlORT AIOST AIPRS AlPRT AIPST AIRST 51 aloin strep plain* store* larin poets* snail* toper* altin prose* poali stern* -orial spent* aliso prent Italo- snerp pilar stane* pails * tenor * plait* snore* rails * netop trail* peons* tails* prone* piano* noria	 spelt anito lerps rapin	 stole * pains * Ie rot paint* loser* rains* plote train* slope* stain* prole patio* ratio*	 splen ostia pai l' S * lento tapi r * elson spail enrol* stair * pelon ALNOP ALNOR ALNOS ALNOT ALNPR ALNPS ALNPT ALNRS ALNRT ALNST ALOPR ALOPS ALOPT ALORS ALORT ALOST ALPRS ALPRT ALPST ALRST ANOPR ANOPS ANOPT ANORS ANORT ANOST ANPRS ANPRT A NP.C;T ANRST AOPRS AOPRT AOPST AORST APRST lapon trie s* laron spite* loans* tripe* talon* spire* sotie plans* Torie plant* osier* snarl* poise * slant* polar * inset* aslop inert* ploat rinse* solar* inept* Rotal spine* sloat ripen>'~ larps tenio pratl noise* plats* norie slart opine * apron* shle* liter* panto riles* ar son* pitle trona piles* aston	 peril* toile pants* oriel* rants* olepi sapor inlet* aport* lines* stopa liner * roast * plein strap* olein Reversals SE RUT AN, a laxative, was a trade- name coined with the reversal in mind. Not so with TUMS (a stomach acid neutralizer) or BOLS (a liqueur). Would EMBARGO be an acceptable name for a brassiere? 

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