I wore a diaper on the airplane ride home from my honeymoon. Yup. You read that right. An adult diaper on the 8-hour, trans-Atlantic flight from Rome to Minneapolis with a Christmas day stop in Chicago. I was in seat 5B snuggled in between my newly minted husband and my dad. This, my friends, is what romantic dreams are made of

Arbit, Debra

English

University of Dayton

University of Dayton eCommons Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop Blog Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop 4-7-2019 The honeymoon is over Debra Arbit Follow this and additional works at: https://ecommons.udayton.edu/ebww_blog eCommons Citation Arbit, Debra, "The honeymoon is over" (2019). Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop Blog. 1135. https://ecommons.udayton.edu/ebww_blog/1135 This Blog is brought to you for free and open access by the Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop at eCommons. It has been accepted for inclusion in Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop Blog by an authorized administrator of eCommons. For more information, please contact mschlangen1@udayton.edu, ecommons@udayton.edu. 1/3The honeymoon is over udayton.edu/blogs/erma/2019/04/the-honeymoon-is-over.phpSunday April 7, 2019I wore a diaper on the airplane ride home from my honeymoon. Yup. You read that right. Anadult diaper on the 8-hour, trans-Atlantic flight from Rome to Minneapolis with a Christmasday stop in Chicago. I was in seat 5B snuggled in between my newly minted husband andmy dad. This, my friends, is what romantic dreams are made of.We had arrived in Rome eleven days earlier. Wearing my first ever outfit from Lululemonbecause until this point, I had been way too cheap to fork over more than $100 forsweatpants, I was in the midst of the post-wedding afterglow standing at carousel 7 atLeonardo Di Vinci Airport. We watched for our orange luggage that we had gotten from oursecond wedding shower hostesses, a color chosen so it would be easy to spot. Alex'ssuitcase and "Groom" luggage tag tumbled down the carousel. We waited and watched asdozens of black suitcases slid down and around and happy tourists set off on their Italianadventures. The steady bag flow diminished to a trickle and then a full stop. No orangeluggage for me.2/3Three days later I was still wearing my Lululemon outfit and underwear that had now beenwashed in the sink several times and hung to dry on the shower rod. Nothing says sexy bridelike washing your semi-smelly underpants in the small Italian hotel's bathroom."Well, I have good news and bad news," my husband said as I awoke on day four."Please tell me they found my luggage.""They did! I just got a call from the airport. They have it.""Yes. Okwhat's the bad news?""They are shutting down the Rome airport because they are expecting the biggestsnowstorm they've seen in Italy since 1981."Now, this fact would have worried most. But not us. Snow was something we could handle.In fact, we had just successfully thrown a wedding with more than 300 guests amidst 22-inches of the stuff.We got to the airport, I was reunited with my coveted orange bag, I ran to the airportbathroom to change underwear and into real clothing for the first time since wearing myOscar de la Renta designer wedding gown and we were off in our tiny, silver smart car on theway to Tuscany.What should have been a two hour journey turned into 16. Yup. Again. You read that right.Sixteen hours. Highway shut down. Government trucks delivering diesel and food. White-knuckling it through tiny streets with signs we didn't understand until we arrived at ourTuscan winery at nearly 2 a.m. This was it. This is when it is all going to turn around. Nowthe honeymoon can begin.After being shut in our villa for 36 hours under a fresh blanket of snow, we were ready for ournext adventure in the silver smart car. It was off to the Leaning Tower of Pisa. This time, whatshould have been a 45-minute drive turned into a three hour one but at that point, it felt likenothing we couldn't handle.As the minutes ticked on, my stomach started protesting the long wait until its promised pizzalunch. We arrived in Pisa only 20 minutes before it was closed for the day."If you go quickly, you can still make it up to the top before you will have to come backdown," the irritable Italian ticket vendor said in a heavy accent. Despite my lowering bloodsugar, I pressed on and was promised an Italian feast upon arrival at the bottom.We ascended the winding stairs of the tilted wonder. Up and up. To the top. After severalminutes of being enclosed, I could see the sky's light at the top of the tower. We had made it.I was so happy to be at the top I hardly noticed the freezing rain that had begun to pour3/3down.I peered over the side and that's when things get fuzzy. Literally. The world was spinning.And then, it went dark.I woke up sitting in a frozen rain puddle in complete and total agony. My right anklescreamed. Shattered. I looked up and was surrounded by my husband and two securityguards calling whatever the Italian equivalent of 911 is.The rest of the details are a blur. And do they even matter? There was a stretcher carriedbackwards, head first down the winding staircase, an ambulance ride with no seatbelts, therewas a full staff of doctors who spoke exactly zero words of English, there was surgeryleaving me with permanent Italian "jewelry" inside my right leg, nine days in the hospital witha roommate in traction, a nurse who was unsure how catheters worked, my parents flyinghalfway across the world to help my terrified husband get me home after he had to call themto tell them that after less than a week under his care, I was broken. And then, there was thediaper.The diaper because the wheelchair wouldn't fit into the airplane bathroom. The diaper only11 days after I had felt like the most beautiful woman that had ever roamed this planet earth.The honeymoon was most definitely over, and I couldn't have been more thrilled.-Debra ArbitDebra is a 38-year-oldgirlwoman who is a sucker for a goal. After recently starting hersecond business (athenastrategy.co), she can officially be termed a serial entrepreneur. In aneffort to not become a "boring old person," she enjoys writing about her weird and funny life.When she's not wiping peanut butter off one of her three kid's faces, she loves to write andfeed people to the point of bursting. She's a big fan of cream in coffee and can usually befound asleep on her couch by 8:15 with her husband Alex by her side.

The honeymoon is over

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The honeymoon is over

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