Without warning, the dark clouds roll in. From posing prettilt for the camera, three-year-old Lily Maryam's face suddenly contorts with unbridled rage as she lunges at her mother, who had been getting herself into position with her husband for a special pose for photographer Rohanis Shukri

New Sunday Times, Intan Maizura Ahmad Kamal

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A matter of commitmentsTheir separation is a necessary journeytowards their ultimate goal - to be ahappy and fulfilled family unit, writesINTAN MAIZURA AHMAD KAMALPlay time with mummy and daddyWITHOUT warning,the dark clouds rollin. From posingprettily for thecamera, three-year-old Lily Maryam's face suddenlycontorts with unbridled rage asshe lunges at her mother, whohad been getting herself intoposition with her husband for aspecial pose for photographerRohanis Shukri.There's no way Ida BaizuraBahar's little girl is going to allowmummy and daddy to get "cosy".As Ida patiently tries to sootheher only child's tempest, daddy, orMohamed Feizal Razali, looks on,bewildered. Then, with a resignedsmile, he gets up, leaving Ida withthe unenviable task of chasing theclouds away.It's not easy being the favouritewhen you're hardly around.Feizal works in the UK as aretail supply chain analyst. It'sbeen over eight months since theaffable 36-year-old last returnedto Malaysia to visit his wife anddaughter. "My daughter and Iaren't that close. She prefers hermother and her grandmother!" hesheepishly confides. .Married for five years, thecouple and their daughter werepreviously living together in theUK. In fact, Lily was born therein January, 2006. Ida was doingdata collection for her PhD at theSchool Of Oriental And AfricanStudies. But when Lily turnedfour months old, Ida returnedto Malaysia to fulfil some priorcommitments, taking Lily along."I stayed on because we'd justbought a house and I had tosettle things here," adds Feizai."Initially we were only supposedto be separated for six months,but it took my wife nine monthsto complete her work."Having calmed her daughter,Ida chips in: "Feizal made asurprise visit in September 2006.But by the first day of Ramadan,he had to go back to London.We didn't meet again untilMarch 2007 when he returned toMalaysia to take us back to theUK."They were a family for a yearbefore Ida had to return toMalaysia once again to reportto her sponsors, UPM (UniversitiPertanian Malaysia). It was onlyin November that year that theymet again as a family in KL.For Feizal, it's not easy to beaway from his family. "It's asad feeling not being there tosee my daughter grow up andmissing important milestoneslike Lily's first birthday, herAqiqah (slaughtering an animal tocelebrate the birth of a newbornto show the parents' gratitudeand joy to God), our first Raya asa family, Fathers Day.....But the couple keeps inconstant touch. "We'll call eachother, send sms-es and dotele-conferencing - skyping.The weekend is used forcommunicating. We'll tell eachother when one of us is on skypeso the other will switch on hislhercamera. Skyping is an integralpart of our communication butsometimes it'd be quite frustrating·as the connection would be quitebad so all you see are picturesbut the words didn't come out."Chips in Ida: "Lily would talk tothe camera. She knows that it'sdaddy on the screen. But I thinkbecause she's still small, it isn'tWe are family ... albeit a long distance one!Pictures by ROHANIS SHUKRIthe visual that's important, it's thevoice. She recognises the voicemore."Despite the constantcommunication, distance is nevereasy to handle. Confides Feizal:"It's tough for both of us. Wequarrel, we make up but it'll allbe on the phone. There's alwayspressure from both sides as beingaway is not easy emotionally. Imiss my wife, my daughter, theconnection, everything."But Feizal's comfortedsomewhat by the knowledgethat his wife and daughter aresafe. "Thankfully, they're livingwith Ida's parents. Knowing thatmy wife comes back to a strongsupport system helps a lot. Thesafety side is taken care of. I canjust focus on what I have to do."Ida, who currently tutors atUPM's English Department'sFaculty of Modern Languages andCommunications, adds: "It's veryimportant to have family support.Without it, I wouldn't have beenable to cope."Looking thoughtful, the chatty35-year-old continues: "I reallyfelt like a single mum in thebeginning. Whenever Lily fell sick,I'd be very worried and oftenwished that my husband was backbecause when there are two ofyou, the burden is halved."Fortunately she had her family."I depend on my father or mybrothers to take us around.Whenever Lily is sick, they'll stepin on Feizal's behalf. My father,or Lily's Tok Bah has become thefather figure."The bigger challenge, agreethe couple, is dealing with otherpeople's sentiments. "A lot ofpeople don't understand whywe have to be apart," says Ida."What they don't know is thatwe both have prior professionalcommitments, which need to beacknowledged and respected."Nods Feizal: "Whatever it is, weknow what we're doing and whatwe're trying to achieve. Ours is ajourney that's taking longer thanmost but we're confident that we'llbe together again as a family ... ahappy and fulfilled one."intanm@nstp.com.my

A matter of commitments

http://psasir.upm.edu.my/id/eprint/1757/1/0164

A matter of commitments

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