Vertreace, Martha M.

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Language Arts Journal of MichiganVolume 9Issue 2 Focus: Winds of Change Article 71-1-1993The Use of Revision Journals in the BeginningPoetry WorkshopMartha M. VertreaceFollow this and additional works at: http://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/lajmThis Article is brought to you for free and open access by ScholarWorks@GVSU. It has been accepted for inclusion in Language Arts Journal ofMichigan by an authorized administrator of ScholarWorks@GVSU. For more information, please contact scholarworks@gvsu.edu.Recommended CitationVertreace, Martha M. (1993) "The Use of Revision Journals in the Beginning Poetry Workshop," Language Arts Journal of Michigan:Vol. 9: Iss. 2, Article 7.Available at: http://dx.doi.org/10.9707/2168-149X.1594cccc. ~00~ __ _ The Use of Revision Journals in the Beginning Poetry Workshop Martha M. Vertreace Theodore Roethke's often anthologized villanelle, "The Watching," repeats the intriguing line. "I learn by going where 1have to go." For the beginning writer, no other lesson is more impor­tant, or more difficult. As a teacher of creative writing, I find that it is hard for my stUdents to "learn by going." Instead they often seek "quick fix" answers. as if writing poetry were an exact science or simply a matter of applying some formula which students must try to coax out of me. Writing is a journey with unclear beginnings and endings and that is somethIng students find scary. More familiar with multiple choice or fill­in-the-blank work, they experience anxiety with open-ended aSSignments and are reluctant to challenge established assumptions about the nature of writing. Assigning a journal has been my way of circumventing those difficulties. Aware of the students' desires for self expres­sion in a nonthreatening context, I experimented with various types of journals after assuring the class that, unlike the procedurewith their poems, I would be the only person to read the entries. At first, I let the students decide themselves what kind of entries they would make, requiring only a setnumber ofpages for each class period. Mygoal was to have students develop conscious, internal control of the writing process, rather than relate to it primarily as automatic and completely exter­nal to their rational processes of learning. The lack of specificity of that aSSignment pleased someofthe students,who sawthejournal as their first experience in writing about very personal concerns. For them, this writing was often the only outlet for such discussion. ==-=-=--;;;_ Journals were due once a month. 1read them. commenting on the content and potential topics for further development. The students wrote a great amount about events and feelings impor­tant to them, but 1 saw little carry-over into their poetry no matter how many times 1indicated that a given entry would be good material for develop­ment. The journals also exhibited little reflection about the writing process itself. "Writing is a journey with unclear beginnings and endings and that is something students find scary." It seemed to me that part of the problem was the students' lack of experience in the creative arts generally. Many seldom read anything unas­signed and so, had little background in literature. Few practiced any other art form in a consistent, formal way. This meant there existed no common experience to bring to the journal so it could function usefully as a creative writing tool. The class was starting at ground zero in terms of writingpoetry. One semesterwas hardlyenough­for them or for me. My suspicions about the value of creative experiences were strengthened substantiallywhen I taught a class of students whose background was quite different. These stUdents self-identi­fied as artists, practicing in various media. Those primarily interested in becoming writers had a wide range of experience, from students who had written seriously for years to the begtnner who Fall 1993 25 seemed more interested in the persona ofbeing a writer. Other students practiced various arts­film making. fashion designing. painting. sculpt­ing. Few of them had done writing outside the classroom setting. however, or read much litera­ture. Neither group had read much contempo­rary poetry. Yet these students had experience within the context ofthetr chosen art form. so there existed a common foundation for discussing issues of creativity. Whether we talked of images. details, or symbolism, students were able to relate to the ideas within the context of the form with which they were familiar. Consequently, the lack of having read widely in poetry was temporarily compensated for by reference to artistic media which they knew. Rather than encourage students to keep a free form journal, as I had in the first class, I explained that the journals would be consistent with the kind of revision journals many poets keep. Such a journal would achieve two goals: 1. It would provide a context for doing revi­sions. Many of my students felt revisions were unnecessary and went against the idea of "inspi­ration." To them. revisions seemed more like punishment for work badly done rather than an essential part of the writing process. 2. It would make the process of revision conscious. Students would have to explain the reasons why they made choices. Working out such explanations would encourage the use of higher order thinking. I limited the journal to a reflection on one poem previously assigned, due at midterm. This kind ofjournalwas asmuch an experiment for me as it was for the students. I did not want to lock myself into something which simply might not work. Iwanted the freedom to change it substan­tially without causing a lot of anxiety. Ifall writingwas autobiographical, as Donald Hall suggests. then proper use of the journal could provide access to a wealth of material. By making the process more subject to conscious control, students would grow beyond being lim­ited to their individual biographies, seeing them as possibilities for the art form rather than as its limiting parameter. The need to tell the "truth" about an event or person could be subsumed within the artistic demand that subject matter be secondary to artistic considerations, such as conciseness, or emphasis. I feel it is important for writing teachers to share theirwriting. so I brought in two ofmy own poems for the class during the semester. Many college texts now publish draft versions of their model writings as well, so examples ofwriting in the developmental stages are not hard to fmd. My poems illustrated two revision models. The drafts of "Time Is a River Without Banks" contained only the scratch outs. questions which I raised about several stanzas, and other mar­ginal notes. My changes were presented without explanation. The drafts of a poem called "Muse" includedextensive commentaryin paragraphform about the process ofwriting the poem. the reason I made the changes, the effect I was after, etc. Students were given a choice, as to which kind of revision approach they would take in their jour­nals. "Many of my stUdents felt revisions were unnecessary and went against the idea of 'inspiration. f" I have chosen selections from the journals of two students, Christopher Morford and Jay Ramella. Both examples are early revisions. These students chose the first "Time Is A River" format for their journal. makingchanges without necessarily explaining their reasoning in writing. Chris carried around a bound notebook in which he recorded his thoughts. It was an organiC. free-flowingjournal which he began prior to the class. The pages copied here are a draft of "Coda." He bolded portions with which he is uncomfortable, indicating the problemhe iswork­ing on, the question he is asking, or the area he is exploring (figure A). Because Chris is both an experienced poet and journal keeper, there is an ease which flows through his entries. He allows himself the free­dom to speculate. The ending of the poem pre­sented dIfficulties for him. In drafts not repro­duced here he asks, "Stop hereT and later, "more sense of resolution? Still not sure." While Chris used the traditional pencil and paperscratch-outs for initial drafts, JayRamella's poem "Careful, the Gods MightHearYou, " whirled from his thoughts into his computer. This was Jay's first attempt at creating this kind ofjournal. He approached it with some skepticism but after­wards found it a helpful tool. In his original drafts, he highlighted his commentary with yel­lowmarkers. Usingthe computergave Jayquicker access to changes, and he could view his results right away (figure B). Revision journals guIde the student into do­ing writing which emanates from personal goals 26 Language Arts Journal of Michigan -and is not limited to the need to earn college credit. They allow students to develop a product which comes as much from their experience and values as it does from new techniques, and they provide a foundation for further explorations. Learning becomes more authentic than it would be were the students simply reproducing knowl­edge which the instructor deemed Important. Teachers ofwriting workshops occupy a posi­tion which allows them access to students' most personal feelings. Because students tend to use this material as subject matter for poems, they are often unable to commit to the drafting pro-c===~~_=*.........._-.. . cess, as ifto change something calls into question the truth of what the student experienced. The revision journal. however it is constructed, helps the student to gain distance from the subject in order to objectify the writing project. The per­sonal focus of the journal also allows for levels of participation based on a student's own experi­ence, rather than in comparison with other writ­ers in the class. Whether students come to class with an extensive background in the creative arts or are Just beginning to explore their interests. revision journals can provide useful guidance and visible records of their growth as writers. -_,_~~··-~·------Figure A Chris Morford # 1 A fever creeps into my room -fSounds harsh & awkward) A blockade Of commitments and priorities block my door ("Block" repeated too closely) I curse beneath the traffic Someone's going somewhere (Sounds too simple That someone isn't me too obvious) Mere sounds As the vulture flies to the main runway At O'Hare International Airport (sticks out, too long) . The planes rattle my windows (need stronger word, could and shake the china nifer to single engine planes They send their rumble too small to shake things) through the floor Up my chair. Into my bones And when they pass the sound lingers In the body of a Spanish gUitar Leaning In the comer ("slouched" would Smudged by the fingerprints of a stranger work better, a Loosened plaster settles on its shoulders sense ojdrudgery,boredom} (Sounds An Ivon: tuning key rattles Awkward, In need of a string (Loses sense oj rhythm does n 'tjlow) broken long ag'-.. remove) ~ Sounds corny five still remam Awkward Discordant and lifeless Stretched loosely across Fall 1993 27 A yawning hole We travelled together.....-----attaching too much personality In the flight paths above to an inanimate object With new strings and new threads..-------sounds outdated And new songs to write ? corny I could look down upon the sUver Unings of clouds cliche' justifled? soar high above stormss------don't need both Eye To Eye with the sun But now I retire to fluorescent bulbs and hang my jacket upon toojormal? the Spanish guitar Until bright strips of morning awkward transition, like the Leak through my blinds passage, make it work A grand staff of light Burns on the waU-------- too bright, too "grand" presenting each day Sounds like a sermon As an unfinished song Obviously summing things up FIGURE B Jay Ramella March 9. 1993 First Revision Poetry Workshop Careful, The Gods Might Hear You Got rid oj quotation marks I took this Object (what one might call my heart) and I threw it into the sky. A prudent sacrifice. The Gods mused why? I got rid oj "retorted, " Take my heart, this thing since I'm stating this line that I have absolutely no use for. and the reader knows that. The Gods said regret this moment until your dying day. I changed "til" to until Years later. one unaccompanied evening I met a beautiful stranger. Hair the color of chestnut. Eyes like mahogany. I felt a union, a passion so great. Something was astir this exalted night. Got rid oj "looked upwards, because it's So I kneeled and I asked the Gods assumed you look up when you what could this feeling possibly be? talk to the Gods anyway 28 Language Arts Journal of Michigan And the Gods laughed. It's something that you will never be able to understand. It is an emotion This ts all abstract that is both innocent and ardent. so I wtll get It is a confidence rid of itfor that most mortals can only try to grasp. the second revtsion It was to be love. Thus I began to cry. 	 Changed weep to cry. it sounded archaic for suddenly. after many years Changed "after all of these years" to "many" I could now feel the cold. grating emptiness within me. I collapsed upon the earth Right hand clutching the left side of my chest. and I remembered: In this stanza I was dying and speaking That once. long age. or perhaps I had died already. so I I had taken that entity made it a thought tnstead ofa death (what one might have called a heart) scene and I had thrown it up into the sky. Second Reyision 	 Jay Ramella March 9. 1993 Poetry Workshop Careful, the Gods Might Hear You I took this object (what one might call my heart) and threw it way up into the sky. A prudent sacrifice. The Gods mused why? Take my heart. this thing that I have absolutely no use for. The Gods said regret this moment until your dying day. Years later. one unaccompanied evening I met a beautiful stranger. I will Hair the color of chestnut. Eyes like mahogany. Get rid oj "hair I felt a union. a passion so great. the color oj... Something was astir this exalted night. It sounds too much like ajatry tale Fal11993 29 So I kneeled and asked the Gods I got rid oj the abstractwhat could this feeling possibly be? emotion In this stanzaAnd the Gods laughed: It was to be love. Thus I began to cry. For suddenly. after many years I could now feel the cold. grating emptiness within me. I collapsed upon the earth Right hand clutching the left side of my chest. and I remembered: That once. long ago I had taken that entity (what one might have called a heart) and I had thrown it changed "way into the sky" toup into the sky. "up into the sky" since it was considered to be archaic 30 Language Arts Journal of Michigan 

The Use of Revision Journals in the Beginning Poetry Workshop

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