Brandys, R. Ryan

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DigitalCommons@C.O.D.

The Prairie Light ReviewVolume 26Number 1 So-called immortal moments Article 29Fall 12-1-2005Katrina and the WavesR. Ryan BrandysCollege of DuPageFollow this and additional works at: http://dc.cod.edu/plrThis Selection is brought to you for free and open access by the College Publications at DigitalCommons@COD. It has been accepted for inclusion inThe Prairie Light Review by an authorized editor of DigitalCommons@COD. For more information, please contact koteles@cod.edu.Recommended CitationBrandys, R. Ryan (2005) "Katrina and the Waves," The Prairie Light Review: Vol. 26 : No. 1 , Article 29.Available at: http://dc.cod.edu/plr/vol26/iss1/29Katrina and the WavesR. Ryan BrandysImagine you have a summer home down in New Orleans. Wonderful beachfront prop-erty and you try to shoot down there once a year for Marti Gras.But you haven’t been there for six months or so. Your last visit was the worst vaca-tion ever. You were watching some TV and melting into your black leather couch.You left some food out on the counter - pop tarts and whipped cream - when theswarm came. Thousands of black cockroaches poured from behind the refrigerator;the stove; the sink. The pop tart never had a chance.A pesticide allergy means you can’t call the Orkin man, so you’ve got to find anothersolution to this problem. You remember that you’re paying out the ass for that extraflood insurance. You’re not stupid; you know if the levees were to breach aroundLake Pontchartrain, not even your cockroaches would survive.On the other hand, flooding your infested summer home would solve all your prob-lems. You never cared for the place all that much. You wanted granite floors, notmarble. Why not take the insurance money now - and rebuild it next year after every-thing dries out?Coekroach problem solved."k -k itWhen you’re not on your couch eating pop tarts, you work for the Federal EmergencyManagement Agency. Your job is to prepare for natural disasters and respond to themas they occur. Or at least, that was your job - before FEMA was absorbed into theDepartment of Homeland Security. You and your new boss both honestly believe thatsuicide bombers - not floods - are the real threat to our nation.You’re back at your office in Washington, munching a pop tart and looking over yournew budget figures. DHS cut your funding again. Crumbly fruit filling trickles downyour shirt, onto your freshly waxed mahogany desk. Your secretary scrambles intothe room. She’s fiddling with the remote control. It’s the Fox News Channel. Wordsscroll at the bottom of the screen.CATEGORY FIVE HURRICANEFIFTY MILES FROM THE NEW ORLEANS COASTWILL MAKE LANDFALL IN 24 HOURSYour secretary plops a big binder on your desk. Three-inches thick. 448 Pages.“What is this?” you ask. More crumbs.“Last year, we asked lEM to theorize about this situation and they drafted aresponse plan. Here, it says right here.” She flips the binder open and continues.“ Southeast Louisiana Catastrophic Hurricane Plan . See, here’s Pam - a slow-moving261Brandys: Katrina and the WavesPublished by DigitalCommons@COD, 2017category-three Hurricane, and she’s hitting New Orleans - and the levees havefailed.”“I don’t remember voting on this...” You say.“This isn’t finalized yet. The new budget cuts mean we can’t pay for IBM to finishthe study. But it’s pretty comprehensive. See, here are the evacuation routes, and...”(she flips some pages) “...people to contact to get truckloads of ice, water, and food tothe affected areas. There’s a section near the back on how to coordinate search-and-rescue operations. Should I start making some phone calls? We only have 24 hours...”Your secretary’s name is Lindsay. You hired her because she was motivated. But youcan hear a lilt of fear and urgency in her voice as she flips through the report. Yourphone rings. Not the black phone on your desk. The red phone. Underneath. It’s yourboss. Your new boss. From DHS. You give Lindsay a nod; she and the binder arequickly absent. You answer on the second ring.“About that draft of that response plan...” your boss speaks in a gruff tone, slowand cautious, “ya’ll hold off on that, for a while, please. That there document wasnot designed to be the response hible for a maior event like this. Seems we don’t haveall the pieces of the puzzle yet. Cheney kept saying something about keeping all ourducks in a row, and I’m inclined to listen to him. He’s calling it Operation CleanSlate. We’re not to act until we hear back from the cabinet. They said they’re coordi-nating the matter personally.”“We won’t have all those puzzle pieces until after nature takes its course. Mostlywelfare nigger democrats anyway ...they can wait two or three days...” you add.“Glad to see we’re on the same page. We’ll be mobilizing all the trucks soonenough; they’ll be plentya time for the media to paint us as heroes, but we wait untilafter the storm hits. 48 hours should be long enough.”You chew on your pop tart.Your boss is wheezing into a whisper. “Look at it this way. About this time next year,all those displaced folks that survived the storm will have found other places to live,and the ones that are washed away, well ... all we have to do is lose their deeds andsocial security numbers. Then the land becomes county property. We’re talking tencents on the dollar. Half-acre.”The prospect of cheap real estate has you envisioning a granite living room, yourown private tennis court, and a swimming pool on the patio.“Lindsay, um... hold the phone there. Go file your nails or something. This timenext year, you can have your own piece of New New Orleans. Whaddya say?”Music starts playing in the other room. Lindsay’s got on her favorite CD. An 80’s popband. They called themselves Katrina and the Waves.“Now I m walking on sunshine, whoa oh, and don t it feel good, hey... ”272The Prairie Light Review, Vol. 26 [2017], No. 1, Art. 29http://dc.cod.edu/plr/vol26/iss1/29

Katrina and the Waves

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