Schvaneveldt, Jay D.

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Remembering at Death:Funeral and Related RitualsJay D. Schvaneveldt, PhDDepartment of Family and Human Development1989 FL 245A Historical PerspectivePeople have always died at all points in history and the living have always mourned thedeath of loved ones with some type of ceremony. The typical funeral that is popular in modernday America is, however, a very recent happening. In the past, funerals tended to be very plain, apine box, family and friends caring for the body, and simple burial. This is in dramatic contrast tothe modern funeral that is carried out by professionals who transform the dead body into a livingmemorial.Making Critical DecisionsMost people give little thought to type, cost, and transactions in a funeral until they arethrust into a crisis context of resolving critical questions. People tend to go with tradition, mostdo not shop around, and few seek alternatives to a standard funeral. Choice of a service or lastrites is influenced by family preferences, traditions, religious beliefs, and customs of thecommunity.The various ways of remembering people when they die involve going back in time toreflect, cry, mourn, and start the healing process. One can start the healing process, and one canover time learn to live with and accept the death of loved ones, but few if any people actuallycompletely heal.It was not until the time of the American Civil War that embalming was used with anytype of systematic application, and it was not until the late 19th century that it becamewidespread in America. Embalming the dead for eternity is indeed a very recent and foreignpractice to what Americans have done for many centuries. With embalming and modern funeralpractices has come a general denial of death in America. This denial is illustrated in words usedat the time of death. For example, the words mortician and funeral director have replacedundertaker. The corpse is now the loved one. Loved ones are now interred, not buried. The coffinhas become a casket and embalming is now preparation. The list goes on and on.The ChangesBut while all these changes have occurred with the now accepted standard funeral, someother changes have also occurred in post World War II America. These changes are welcomed bymany people as they permit people to have more choices and options at this major crisis time inlife.The alternatives are many. Embalming is not required by law anywhere in the UnitedStates. If one wishes to ship a body or keep the body for a longer period of time, then embalmingmay be a necessary choice. One can, however, refrigerate the body, and keep it for a period oftime while funeral services are pending.The standard American funeral is a coping mechanism and a fairly good one, but there aremany other useful ways of disposing of a body and coping with death. Worldwide, the dead areregularly burned, buried in the earth, buried in the sea, exposed to air, and preserved.In America most bodies are buried in the earth, but cremation, as an attractive alternative,has gained great acceptance in the last 40 years. Cremation was practiced by Native Americans,is widely accepted in Europe today, and is the preferred method of body disposition in India andChina. In 1985 there were 277,000 cremations in the USA, accounting for about 13.5 percent ofthe total number of deaths for the year. There were 847 crematories in the United States by 1985,up from 567 in just 10 years. It is estimated that by the year 2000, 25 percent of deaths will betaken care of via cremation.Cremated remains can be buried in a cemetery plot, placed in a columbarium niche,scattered at sea or on land, kept by the family, or buried in an urn garden. Cremation costs muchless—anywhere from $50.00 up to $500.00. The $500.00 amount covers everything—picking upthe body, completing the paperwork, cremating the body, and disposing of the ashes.Cremation and memorial societies are clearly meeting a need felt by many Americans.Also, with the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) ruling of April 30, 1984, it has becomerelatively easy to obtain information and compare costs of funerals and body disposition. Atelephone call is all that is necessary to obtain relevant pricing information. The new regulationsstipulate:1. Funeral homes have to provide price information over the phone and provide, uponrequest, a written itemized price list.2. A prohibition of embalming for a fee unless authorized by the customer or required bylaw.3. A ban on requiring a casket for direct cremation.The general motivation for the new law was to prohibit unfair practices in terms ofprotecting grief-stricken customers.Memorial ServicesA memorial service after cremation or quick burial is seen by many as a very attractivealternative to the standard funeral. Dealing with disposition of the body at death is the mostpressing issue for almost all families. If the decision is cremation, then all energies can go intodealing with friends, family, and other loved ones. One does not have to “get ready for a funeral.”Later—many times a week or more later—one can invite friends and family to a memorialservice that serves many of the same functions of a funeral, but relatively free of the timepressures of the funeral. As we move into the 21st century, memorial services and cremationswill more and more replace the standard body preparation for ground burial and the traditionalfuneral service.William Lamers has defined the funeral as “an organized, purposeful, time-limited,flexible, group-centered response to death” (1974).The Standard FuneralFuneral costs are usually made up of the following:1. Services provided by the funeral director, use of facilities, the casket, and related funeralmerchandise selected by the customer.2. Actual disposition of the body is a second category. This may include cost of a grave site,opening and closing a grave, entombment, cremation, etc.3. Memorialization is a third cost and includes grave markers, plaques, or a memorial nichefor cremated remains.4. A fourth category of expenses may include fees paid for use of clergy, limousines,flowers, notices of death for newspapers, and other supplemental expenses.People spend a lot of resources on a funeral, but clearly this is not always necessary.People often feel they have no choice but to have a standard funeral in order to document tothemselves that they are good people, that the dead person was loved and appreciated, that theyare respectable people, and that they have resources. People do not want to be seen as “cheap.”Perspectives for the FutureAmericans place great value on improving the kind of lives they lead. It is important toextend life whenever possible. It is also important to help people cope, help people prepare, anddeal more adequately with the end of life. Quantity of life is important, but so is quality. Whenwe make decisions about those who have died, we ought to do what will help us cope best, notwhat others think is the best thing to do.In summary, it costs a lot to die in America. About 85 percent of all people die in ahospital or care center and incur high levels of expenses during this final time in their lives. Thetypical standard funeral in the United States costs about $3,000.00. A cemetery plot costsanywhere from $300 to $1,000.00. The average cost of a headstone is $1,000.00 to $1,500.00.Flower costs would be in addition to all of these. Why do we take care of our dead in thisfashion? We have noted that practices are influenced by tradition, religion, customs, and history.Death leads to bereavement. Bereavement literally means to “tear up, the loss, the issueagainst one’s will.” We cope with bereavement through grief. Grief is one’s emotional reactionto the actual event of loss. And mourning is the process by which we incorporate the experienceof loss into the ongoing life process.We have looked at the typical funeral and related arrangements in terms of bereavement,grief and mourning. We have also reviewed some of the alternatives to the standard funeral. Inshort, modern America is a land where people have many choices and people need to knowvarious options and costs related to choices. Funerals and caring for the dead should be verypersonal and meaningful to the people involved. It is usually a mistake to make choices based onpublic perception, fear, and ignorance. Change and choices are the twin hallmarks of our lives inthe 20th century. It is important to employ these two elements as we also deal with practicesinvolved in dealing with death and dying in modern America.Utah State University is an Equal Opportunity/Affirmative Action InstitutionIssued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work, Acts of May 8 and June 30, 1914, incooperation with the U.S. Department of Agriculture, Robert L. Gilliland, Vice President andDirector, Cooperative Extension Service, Utah State University. (EP/07-95/DF)

Remembering at Death: Funeral and Related Rituals

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Remembering at Death: Funeral and Related Rituals

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