Wilma Schuh, Doris "Katey" Walker, and Joyce E. Jones, "Coping with stress," Kansas State University, March 1990

Jones, Joyce E.

Schuh, Wilma

Walker, Doris K.

K-State Research Exchange

PART 2:with your family or someone close toyou. Be honest about your situation,your anger, your confusion. Your spouseand children know when you are feelingtension. Others can help, if you willlet them.Take one thing at a time. Somechanges are permanent. In time, theymust be accepted in order to move on.Work on one thing at a time. Don’t tryto resolve all your problems at once.Break seemingly insurmountable tasksinto smaller “pieces” that are possibleto accomplish.Keep yourself occupied, active, andinvolved. Loss of a job can leave youwith more time to think about yourtroubles. Spend some time planningyour future and searching for a new job,but don’t spend too much time worry-ing. Donate some of your extra time andtalents to a community project, yourchurch, or help someone who needs helpmore than you do. Doing something forothers will help them and help you feelbetter about yourself. Volunteer workmay provide a good experience or a linkto a new job.Learn to relax. Often, in the midst ofstressful situations, it is difficult to relax.Just a few minutes of listening to sooth-ing music or curling up with a good book—whatever relaxes you—can help reducestress. During times of high stress, it iseven more important than usual todevote time to stress- reducing practices.Think positively. Positive imagescan keep you going even when every-thing is going wrong. They help youmaintain your energy as you set newgoals and look for a solution to yourproblem.  View change as normal—explore your inner resources for flexi-bility, new ideas, knowledge, andskills you may not have realized youpossess.  Successful people work ontheir ability to adapt to change.  Startusing the words “I can do. . .” in yourdaily vocabulary.Copingwith StressRapid changes are stressful. Losing ajob, experiencing a bad year in thefarm or business operation, divorce orseparation, or a death in the family canresult in tremendous changes. Thesechanges can also result in feelings ofreduced self-worth. Personal andfamily crises often lead to a decrease inincome and security, introducing manysecondary problems.Since change can lead to stress, it isimportant to try to understand somecauses, effects, and ways of handlingstress. Controlling stress can help youface situations directly and moveforward with your life.Take care of yourselfWhen you are in the middle of afinancial, personal, or family crisis,maintaining control is important.Concentrate your efforts on keepingyour attitude, your family, and yourbody as strong as possible.Don’t blame yourself for what hashappened. It is crucial to believe inyourself, even though it’s hard to doand takes conscious effort. Rememberthat every individual is a uniquelyvaluable person, regardless of externalcircumstances. Blaming and findingfault for past actions do not help solvethe problem.Find support with friends, family,and others going through similarcircumstances. The anger and depres-sion you feel will gradually disappear.Recognize it for what it is— a naturaland temporary feeling.Don’t keep anxiety and angerbottled up. Talk out your problemsMAKINGENDSMEETKANSAS STATE UNIVERSITY AGRICULTURAL EXPERIMENT STATION AND COOPERATIVE EXTENSION SERVICEOutdated Publication, for historical use. CAUTION: Recommendations in this publication may be obsolete.2Take care of your health. Evenwith sharp reductions in your familyincome, it is important to maintain anutritious diet. Cutting down on alco-hol and cigarettes can provide savingsas well as improved health. Exerciseregularly to keep fit. A daily walk canreduce tension and help you feel betterabout yourself.Accept your situation, but remem-ber that you can have some control overthe unwanted side effects. Blamingothers prevents learning from mistakesand making changes. Discuss situ-ations or trouble spots that you or yourfamily find particularly distressing.Work together to reduce the causesof stress.Recognize stressRecognize the early warning signalsof excessive stress. For example, com-mon reactions to the loss of a job or aloved one include anxiety, moodiness,irresponsibility, insomnia, emotionaloutbursts, helplessness and depend-ency, lower appetite or sex drive,fatigue, and susceptibility to illness.Stress can be caused by a physical, anemotional, or an environmental experi-ence that disrupts your life pattern.Severe and prolonged stress mayseriously affect your physical andmental health. In addition, stresscontributes to many types of accidentsthrough human error, fatigue, worry,haste, and lack of attention.Your body may react to stress inthree stages: alarm, resistance, andexhaustion. When alarmed, your bodysenses a threat and prepares for fightor flight. Physical reactions accompany-ing alarm include faster heartbeat,rapid breathing, rise in blood sugar,increased perspiration, dilated pupils,muscular tension, and slowed diges-tion. The senses become sharper andyour body prepares for action.In the resistance stage, your bodyrepairs any damage from the alarmstage and regains its pre-stress bal-ance. However, if the source of stresscontinues or if your body continues torespond to danger, it remains in thealarm state and cannot repair itself.After a period of prolonged stress, yourbody becomes exhausted and depleted.This is the third state of stress and oneyou want to avoid.Remember that stress can be causedby a lot of little things that add to life’sdaily hassles—not just major lifechanges. If you are dealing with asudden reduction in income, you mustcope with this major worry as well aswith the daily reminders of unpaid billsand needs for clothing, medical treat-ment, or school supplies. Each individ-ual reacts and copes with stress differ-ently. Try to recognize and control theminor situations which increase yourstress level. For example, postponingminor stresses over which you havecontrol may free up energy you need forresponding to a sudden major change.Manage stressful situationsPrepare in advance. When you aregoing to confront a stressful experience,such as a job interview, prepare for itmentally.  Think about the situation.Anticipate and rehearse questionsand answers.Accept and discuss.  Accept thesituation and recognize your ability totake control. Look for trouble spots anddo what you can to change them. Dis-cuss situations that you or your familyfind particularly distressing.Analyze worries. Make a list of thereasons you are worried about a par-ticular problem. Study each reason andcross out unrealistic concerns. Next,list on a separate page the remainingreasons. Then, identify the concernsover which you have some control andformulate a specific, practical action tocope with each of  these. Finally, devoteOutdated Publication, for historical use. CAUTION: Recommendations in this publication may be obsolete.3your energy and actions to changingthe things over which you have control.Accept the things you cannot control.Clarify responsibility. Reducefamily stress by clarifying familymembers’ roles, responsibilities, andlines of authority. Make sure everyoneunderstands expectations, priorities,and tasks. Plan for sharing and acti-vities which are fun, as well as forfamily work.Improve your time management.You often can reduce stress by manag-ing your time better. Use time effi-ciently when looking for a job, learningnew skills, or economizing. Find mean-ingful things to do and set a timeschedule for doing them.  “If only. . .”and “Someday I’ll. . . “ are thoughtpatterns which act as barriers to ac-complishing new goals.Accept personal responsibility.Taking control of your own activitiescan help you learn to respond andadapt to the stresses of your situation.Often you can’t change the outer cir-cumstances, but you can change yourattitude. Concentrate on what to donext, instead of past difficulties. It’seasy to feel locked in present circum-stances, even though you are unhappyand really want to be reaching in newdirections. It’s important to try newthings, to experiment, to explore otherpossibilities.  Positive self-talk is ahabit that can be learned. Use positivewords when you talk to yourself andwhen you talk to others about yourself.How you think and how you act are upto you.Know when andwhere to get helpSometimes professional assistance isneeded to help you find ways to copewith stress and find new solutions. It isimportant to know when and where toseek help. Professional help may comefrom mental health agencies, laygroups, community agencies, familyphysicians, and religious advisers.These people can help you deal withextreme stress, as well as the physicaland emotional trauma that may accom-pany it.The following are signs that indicatea need for professional help:■ You feel depressed most of the time.(Some signs are: difficulty sleeping,insomnia, or sleeping constantly;constant crying for no reason;feeling that you don’t want to doanything; constant fatigue; unreason-able fears; inability to concen-trate; change in appetite.)■ You show violence toward yourfamily.  For example, you hit, shove,or kick family members.■ You think of suicide.■ You consider a marital separationbecause of problems.■ You discipline your childrentoo harshly.■ You are constantly negative aboutyourself or other family members.■ You hear voices or see things.■ You increase your use of alcohol,especially drinking in the morning orhiding your drinking, or you getmean while drinking.■ You aren’t comfortable talking toanyone. You isolate yourself socially.■ You find yourself starting to lie topeople about what happened to you orwhat you’re doing. You start lyingto yourself.■ You have panic attacks, accompa-nied by a fast pulse and difficultybreathing.■ You notice your children are start-ing to have disciplinary and behav-iorial problems, getting into troublewith the law, or are acting strangely.If your problems seem too big tohandle, find a trained, skilled profes-sional to help you and your family.  Afamily counselor can help you handleyour fears and adjust to your presentsituation. They also will help you planfor the future. These services are oftenavailable at low cost or no charge if youare unable to pay.Outdated Publication, for historical use. CAUTION: Recommendations in this publication may be obsolete.4Brand names appearing in this publication are for product identification purposes only. No endorsement is intended,nor is criticism implied of similar products not mentioned.Contents of this publication may be freely reproduced for educational purposes. All other rights reserved.In each case, credit Wilma Schuh, Joyce E. Jones and Doris "Katey" Walker, Making Ends Meet: Coping with Stress,Kansas State University, March 1990.L-810     March 1990Kansas State University Agricultural Experiment Station and Cooperative Extension ServiceIt is the policy of Kansas State University Agricultural Experiment Station and Cooperative Extension Service that all persons shallhave equal opportunity and access to its educational programs, services, activities, and materials without regard to race, color,religion, national origin, sex, age or disability. Kansas State University is an equal opportunity organization. Issued in furtherance ofCooperative Extension Work, Acts of May 8 and June 30, 1914, as amended. Kansas State University, County Extension Councils,Extension Districts, and United States Department of Agriculture Cooperating, Marc A. Johnson, Director.Community agencies: Manycommunity agencies are ready toprovide help. In addition to theDepartment of Social and Rehabilita-tion Services office in your county,other community agencies mayinclude family services, communitymental health centers, crisis centers,suicide prevention hotlines, drug crisiscenters, emergency hotlines, and familyservices sponsored by churches.Consult your telephone directory.FACTS: The Farmers AssistanceCounseling and Training Service canhelp farm families deal with financialand emotional stresses. The FACTShotline [1-800-321-FARM (3276)] isanswered by trained counselors 24hours a day during the week and from5:00 pm to 8:00 am on weekends andholidays. Messages left with eveningpersonnel or on the answering machineon weekends or holidays will be re-turned the next work day.Aid for problem drinking or drugabuse: If lack of a job or reducedincome has led to further problemswith drugs or alcohol, help is available.Contact the nearest office of the Na-tional Council on Alcoholism or callAlcoholics Anonymous (AA).  Look inyour telephone directory under Alcohol-ism Treatment.Protective services:  Great per-sonal tension can sometimes causesomeone to inflict cruelty on a child oradult. In such a case, notify the Depart-ment of Social and RehabilitationServices (SRS) office in your county.SRS can provide protection for theinjured person, as well as counseling.Another source of help in preventingchild abuse is the support group Par-ents Anonymous. Call the toll-freenumber 1-800-332-6378.Coping with the stress and hardshipsof a reduced income is not easy. Easyanswers and quick cures are not avail-able. If you remember that you are thesame person as before, regrouping andadapting will be easier. Maintainingcontrol of your situation by reducingand prioritizing spending, as much andas quickly as possible, will diminishsome stress. Work together with yourfamily to clarify priorities, make deci-sions, carry out your plan and minimizeanxiety. These steps will help you copewith today, as well as strengthenand prepare you and your familyfor the future.Adapted from:Kramer, Carol S. and Michael J.Martin. “When Your Income Drops—Control Stress.” Kansas State Univer-sity, Cooperative Extension Service,1982.Appreciation is extended to CharlieGriffin, Rural Family Support Special-ist, FACTS Program, for reviewing thispublication.Prepared by Wilma Schuh, ExtensionAssistant,  Joyce E. Jones, ExtensionSpecialist, Family Financial Manage-ment, and Doris “Katey” Walker,Extension Specialist, Family Resourcesand Public Policy.Outdated Publication, for historical use. CAUTION: Recommendations in this publication may be obsolete.

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