Self-image is how you perceive yourself. It is a number of self-impressions that have

built up over time: These self-images can be very positive, giving a person confidence

in their thoughts and actions, or negative, making a person doubtful of their

capabilities and ideas

Nair, Rekha J

CMFRI Digital Repository

27  8 Self-Image, Self-Defence and Self-Reverence Rekha J Nair Principal Scientist, Demersal Fisheries Division, CMFRI Email: rekhacmfri@gmail.com  Self-image Self-image is how you perceive yourself. It is a number of self-impressions that have built up over time: These self-images can be very positive, giving a person confidence in their thoughts and actions, or negative, making a person doubtful of their capabilities and ideas.   Surprisingly, your self-image can be very different from how the world sees you. Some people who outwardly seem to have intelligence, looks, personal and financial success may have a bad self-image. Conversely, others who have had a very difficult life and multiple hardships may also have a very positive self-image. Some believe that a person's self-image is defined by events that affect him or her (doing well or not in school, work, or relationships.) Others believe that a person's self-image can help shape those events. But in fact your self-image has a very strong impact on your happiness, and your outlook on life can affect those around you. If you project a positive self-image, people will be more likely to see you as a positive, capable person.  However, it's important that your self-image be both positive and realistic. Having a self-image that is unrealistic can be a drawback, whether that self-image is negative OR positive. Sometimes having an occasional negative thought or criticism about oneself can encourage change, hard work, growth and success. Sometimes having too positive an image of oneself can encourage complacency, underachievement, and arrogance. To balance between feeling positive about oneself but having realistic goals is important.  TRY AND TAKE THIS TEST TO SEE WERE YOU STAND!  How positive is your self-image? Say true or false and find out. 1. My glass is always half-empty, not half-full. 2. I'm always apologizing for things. 3. I'm always telling myself I "should" be doing this or that. 4. I constantly criticize myself. 5. What other people think about me dictates how I feel about myself. 6. I am critical of my mistakes and relive them over and over. 7. I always let the people who care about me down. 8. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. 9. A partial failure is as bad as a complete failure. 28 Self-Image, Self-Defence and Self-Reverence                Rekha J Nair   10. I bend over backwards to please others. 11. I am not sure I have done a good job unless someone else points it out. 12. It's hard for me to forgive and forget.  13. I have to work harder than others for relationships and am afraid that the relationships I have will fail.  14. If I don't do as well as others, it means that I am not as good as them. 15. If I can't do something well, there is no point in doing it at all.   RESULTS:  Give yourself 1 point for each question you answered with a "true". 0 - 4: You have a generally positive way of thinking and should feel good about yourself. Keep it up! 5 - 8: You may be struggling with some negative emotions. Take time to review your good qualities. 9 or more: You can be very critical of yourself. Challenge yourself to change your way of thinking! (Source: http://www.mtstcil.org/skills)  What can you do to improve your Self-Image?   List things you like about yourself – include appearance, personality and skills  Change negative thoughts to positive ones by focusing on the positive and  forgetting the negative things that happen to you  Remember compliments and note them down  Question whether your view of yourself is accurate and why you see yourself like you do  Make changes that will help you ;for example, clothes, appearance, hair style and behaviour  Accept things about yourself that are true and learn to think about them in a positive way  Get exercise – you will look and feel better! more about psychological benefits of  exercise  Take yourself less seriously and lighten up!  Accept criticism constructively so you can move forward and improve yourself  Don‟t be limited by your internal image, step outside of it and break free, it doesn‟t have to control you or keep you down. Acting differently will change how  others respond towards you and will help change your attitude towards yourself  and your abilities  Take on challenges positively and surprise yourself!  Read inspiring books about esteem – here‟s a selection of my favourites, they will help you so check them out now!     29                        Theeranaipunya III – Scaling up Fisher Youth Domains in Cognitive Development    WORKSHEET: REMEMBER YOUR GOOD QUALITIES  I AM….    Adaptable  Adventurous  Affectionate  Ambitious  Artistic  Assertive  Broad-minded  Capable  Caring  Charming  Cheerful  Clear-headed  Clever  Compassionate  Competent  Confident  Conscientious  Considerate  Courageous  Creative  Dependable  Determined  Devoted  Dynamic  Easy-going  Efficient  Energetic  Enterprising  Enthusiastic  Fair  Faithful  Flexible  Friendly  Funny  Generous  Gentle  Glad  Good-natured  Happy  Helpful  Honest  Hopeful  Idealistic  Imaginative  Independent  Industrious  Intelligent  Inventive  Kind  Likable  Logical  Lovable  Mature  Merry  Modest  Natural  Neat  Non-judgmental  Nurturing  Open-minded  Optimistic  Organized  Original  Outgoing  Patient  Peaceful  Persevering  Persistent  Pleasant  Polite  Positive  Practical  Precise  Progressive  Punctual  Rational  Realistic  Reasonable  Reflective  Relaxed  Reliable  Resourceful  Responsible  Robust  Sexy  Sincere  Sociable  Spontaneous  Spunky  Stable  Strong  Tactful  Talented  Tenacious  Thorough  Tolerant  Trusting  Trustworthy  Truthful  Understanding  Unique  Versatile  Warm  Witty  Zany  These are qualities which are there in most of us and for us to look out for. Search for their meaning and remember they are in you. Surely this will help you raise your self-esteem. No one can pull you down how much ever they speak bad about you!!!       30 Self-Image, Self-Defence and Self-Reverence                Rekha J Nair      Self-reverence Reverence is "a feeling or attitude of deep respect tinged with awe; veneration  Self-reverence -It all begins with looking in the mirror.  Success in the public world goes hand-in-hand with success in your private life.  Effective leadership flows from effectively leading yourself. “Effective leadership flows from effectively leading yourself.” -Thai Nguyen Here are 7 effective strategies for cultivating the habit 1. Talk To Yourself  There‟s a voice inside your head, and that‟s completely normal. It‟s your internal dialogue, the inner commentary that strives to make sense of the world.  You should become self-aware, self-reflective.  2. Make Peace With Your Past  Making peace with your past leaves your arms and heads free to take up a more objective approach to the present giving you a positive future.  It‟s difficult to pick up anything new when your hands are full.  Let go, forgive, and as humanly possible, to forget.      31                        Theeranaipunya III – Scaling up Fisher Youth Domains in Cognitive Development   3. Play Devil’s Advocate  A more critical mind will result in making better decisions.  You‟ll be able to iron out any unreasonable biases that appear in your logic.  4. Keep A Journal  Laying out your thoughts and goals in writing is like drafting the blueprint for construction. Writing down your feeling and reconstructing it can draft your behaviour well.  5.  Audit Yourself  Have an honest assessment of your strengths and your weaknesses.  That means dropping the pride and ego and owning up to your ugly parts.  The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem  A simple exercise is to make three columns:   1) My Strengths 2) My Weaknesses 3) My Goals. Your weakness should turn into strengths, and your strengths should go from good to great. Your goals should include specific „Hows” and “Whens” for your progress in each area.  This is something you can include with your daily journaling.  What is Self-defence?: Awareness  Awareness is the fundamental and absolutely indispensable key to any successful self-defence program.  I believe that it easily accounts for 85% of a total self-defence paradigm.  This means that if you‟re using your awareness to its full potential, you should be able to defend yourself from 85% of possible encounters.  This type of defence is actually avoiding situations that are potentially harmful or recognizing threats at the earliest possible moment.  Awareness is not just limited to the consciousness of your surroundings also called your situational awareness, although that is extremely important.  It also refers to awareness of consequences, awareness of your opponent and awareness of yourself.  You can see that while awareness does, indeed, involve an external set of loci, it also entails some introspection as well.  Why Is Confidence Important For Self-Defence? To most people, the thought of being confronted or attacked is terrifying. That‟s healthy and normal but not necessarily your most desired response. Fear and stress activate the “fight or flight response,” which is the body‟s natural response to danger. A host of physiological and emotional events occur that create changes in your thinking and performance. These can be divided into three categories:  32 Self-Image, Self-Defence and Self-Reverence                Rekha J Nair    How do you do that? By developing confidence at a subconscious level so that your stress response is manageable and can actually enhance your performance in an emergency.  What Is Confidence? Confidence is the degree of certainty we have in our ability to successfully achieve our goals AND our resiliency to withstand the threats, mistakes and challenges along the way. In self-defence, confidence is the degree of trust that you have in your “LEGITIMATE” ability to successfully respond to a threatening or violent situation. As everyone craves confidence; few of us have enough of it. Some of us have more than we should!  We are born with a need for security and safety. When left unsatisfied, an unmet need becomes a nagging, subconscious distraction that can compromise the quality of your life and even your health. Self-defence training, if conducted properly, can satisfy our need for security and provide us with a perception of control in our lives. Can Self-Defence Training Build Confidence?  It‟s almost a cliché that self-defence and martial arts training will naturally and automatically lead to increased self-confidence. Maybe it will. Maybe it won‟t. Confidence doesn‟t necessarily happen by default. Confidence Is a By-Product of Self-Esteem  In an effort to more thoroughly grasp the concept of confidence building, let‟s take a look at the broader quality of “Self- Esteem.” Your self-esteem has a direct correlation on your self-confidence, your personality and the results you produce in your life.  “Self-esteem has two interrelated components. One is a basic confidence in the face of life‟s challenges: self-efficacy. The other is a sense of being worthy of happiness: self-respect.  Self-efficacy means confidence in the function of the mind, in my ability to think, understand, learn, chose and make decisions; confidence in my ability to understand the facts of reality that fall within the sphere of my interests and needs; self-trust and self-reliance.”  Is it any wonder that people have been able to make a significant, positive impact on self-esteem and confidence through self-defence training? Let‟s take a closer look at why…   33                        Theeranaipunya III – Scaling up Fisher Youth Domains in Cognitive Development    Why Self-Defence Training Can Build Self-Esteem Branden‟s definition of self-esteem is an excellent tool to understand why self-defence training can make such a positive impact on a person‟s emotional and psychological state. Let‟s apply that definition to self-defence training:  Self-Efficacy Evolution has wired us to detect and respond to threatening situations. In the days of cavemen and dinosaurs, that was a good thing.  Self-Respect When you engage in self-defence training, what message do you think is conveyed to your conscious and unconscious mind?  What are you saying to yourself when you decide to dedicate time and energy to your health, your skills and your protection?  When you are prepared to stand up for yourself, assert your rights, even injure another person to protect yourself or someone you care about, what does that say about your value and importance?  High self-esteem people can surely be knocked down by an excess of troubles, but they are quicker to pick themselves up again. ~ Nathaniel Branden  Respect is earned, not given. And regardless of your age, gender, race, or ethnicity, anyone can earn respect by conducting themselves with integrity. Gaining the respect of others will not happen overnight, but remember that once respect is earned, you will have people listening to what you say. How do you get it?  There are three best ways –improve your self-esteem, self-image, self-respect and thus your confidence.  Self-esteem. Reflects a person's overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. In short it is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. Self-esteem refers to a positive overall evaluation of oneself – a feeling that one is competent to cope with life‟s challenges and worthy of happiness.  The level of our self-esteem determines how we operate in life - how we interact with others, spouse, children, friends, and strangers. It determines our goals and what we strive for, our achievements, and our satisfaction and happiness in life.  The importance of self-esteem can be seen when we look at the relationship between healthy self-esteem and other psychological traits. Self-esteem and personality are closely related. 34 Self-Image, Self-Defence and Self-Reverence                Rekha J Nair     Healthy self-esteem is related with Openness Honesty Acceptance Cooperativeness Independence Creativity Rationality Flexibility Willingness to admit mistakes  People with high self-esteem tend to be more ambitious since they want to experience life. High self-esteem people have a drive in them to express themselves and to communicate openly and honestly about their needs and desires. They choose healthy relationships and recognize the value of relationships. They treat others with respect haven on judgmental attitude, and fairness. Hence, having a high self-esteem is vital for stress relief.  With research linking low self-esteem to mental health issues and poor quality-of-life, this is a potentially dangerous way to live. Low self-esteem can affect mental health and you can try and improve yours: (source: www.nami.org)    Poor Relationships. As humans, we strive to interact with others and the relationships we have with those closest to us help define us as people. So negative relationships ultimately equal negative feelings and a negative perception of ourselves.  Addiction. Psychological studies indicate that low self-esteem in childhood and early adulthood can be a predisposition to addiction in later life. Many addicts use substances such as drugs or alcohol to help ease the negative feelings they have about themselves. But over time this method of escapism develops into an addiction and of course this has detrimental effects on their already depleted self-esteem levels.  Depression and anxiety. Low self-esteem tends to work in a vicious cycle with other mental health conditions like depression and anxiety. It's hard to say which comes first, only that the combination is both common and troublesome. Someone who already lives with a mental illness may find that low self-esteem develops due to the social stigma surrounding mental illness. Stigma can perpetuate the feeling that they have somehow failed.  Benefits of high self-esteem  The following list covers some of the most common benefits of high self-esteem. These benefits impact on every area of your life.   35                        Theeranaipunya III – Scaling up Fisher Youth Domains in Cognitive Development   You can be yourself You do not feel the need to adapt your views, values or behaviour to meet the expectations of others.  You accept disagreement High self-esteem allows you to accept that others will often disagree with you. You feel no need to worry about disagreement as everybody is entitled to their own views.  You can articulate your view when challenged If you have low self-esteem you may get anxious or flustered when someone challenges your opinion or actions. High self-esteem allows you acknowledge the challenge and put your argument across without the need to concede or the fear of disapproval.  You accept new challenges When presented with an opportunity which requires you to step outside of your comfort zone, you accept the challenge with relish.  You do not fear uncertainty When you take on new opportunities, you know that the end result cannot be guaranteed. This does not deter you; it excites you to think of the all the positive possibilities.  You are more resilient Bad things can, and do, happen to anyone. When they do arise, your high self-esteem allows you to cope more effectively, take the setback in your stride and make the necessary adjustments to get back on track.  You do not need approval It is great when others approve of you but it is not necessary. You know that you cannot please everyone so you just do what you believe to be right.    It’s ok to not know everything You cannot possibly know everything. Life is a journey of discovery and growth where you can learn the things you need to know as you go along. Not having all the answers does not trouble you.  You are more committed Low self-esteem leads to pessimism but high self-esteem gives you a more optimistic outlook on life. When you are more optimistic, you believe in yourself and you are more willing to commit yourself to your goals and objectives.  You do not feel the need to be perfect Perfectionism is a major source of stress. When you feel the need to be perfect, you are setting yourself up for failure. The best that you can do in any given moment is to do your best. There will be mistakes and you will make some bad decisions. When you lose the need to be perfect, you learn from your mistakes rather than berate yourself for them.  36 Self-Image, Self-Defence and Self-Reverence                Rekha J Nair   You accept that you and others are fallible High self-esteem allows you to accept that everyone makes mistakes. You are more human and forgiving both with yourself and others. When conflict arises, you deal with it in the most dignified manner and then you move on without taking the baggage with you.  (Source: http://www.coachingpositiveperformance.com)  Be prepared go out and win the world………………………… You are the best..  “Becoming the best version of yourself will equip you to spark change in others-Thai Nguyen”       View publication stats

Self-Image, Self-Defence and Self-Reverence

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