Johnson, Megan L.

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The William & Mary Educational Review Volume 3 Issue 2 Article 3 4-1-2015 Disclosure of Fidelity Secrets in a Therapeutic Setting Megan L. Johnson College of William & Mary Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarworks.wm.edu/wmer  Part of the Marriage and Family Therapy and Counseling Commons Recommended Citation Johnson, Megan L. (2015) "Disclosure of Fidelity Secrets in a Therapeutic Setting," The William & Mary Educational Review: Vol. 3 : Iss. 2 , Article 3. Available at: https://scholarworks.wm.edu/wmer/vol3/iss2/3 This Articles is brought to you for free and open access by the Journals at W&M ScholarWorks. It has been accepted for inclusion in The William & Mary Educational Review by an authorized editor of W&M ScholarWorks. For more information, please contact scholarworks@wm.edu. Disclosure ofInfidelity Secretsin a TherepeuticSettingMegan L. JohnsonAbstractThis paper explores the ethical obligations ofa therapist as it relates to the disclosure of aninfidelity secret within the therapeutic setting.The ethical obligations of a therapistinvolving confidentiality and equal advocacycomplicate the decision surrounding disclosureof infidelity secrets to the offended partner.The literature investigates the consequences tothe pair bond relationship, individualpartners, and therapeutic relationship in theevent of both disclosure and nondisclosure tothe offended partner. The paper identifies arecommended solution for therapists in thissituation based on the presented findings inthe reviewed literature.One of the more commonreasons couples enter marriage andfamily therapy is infidelity by onepartner. According to Butler, Harper,and Seedall (2009), infidelity is seen bymany therapists to be the second mostdestructive event to a marriage behindviolence. Although it may be assumedthat both partners are aware of theinfidelity at the time therapy isinitiated, literature has shown thepresence of an infidelity secret withina relationship is prevalent (Butler et al.,2010). Occasionally, the disclosure ofinfidelity by the offending partner tothe offended partner is presented inthe midst of the therapeutic journey.In some instances, however, theoffending partner discloses aninfidelity secret to the therapist withan attached request for confidentiality.This circumstance creates a significantethical dilemma for the therapist.The Role of the Therapist inCouples TherapyConfidentiality is an ethicalobligation of a therapist. Butler et al.(2009) describes confidentiality withinthe therapeutic relationship as one ofthe most important therapeutic factorsto creating a working therapeuticenvironment. Furthermore, theAmerican Association of Marriageand Family Therapy Code of Ethicsgoverns that confidentiality must bepreserved between the counselor andeach member of the relationship dyad(Butler, Feinauer, Rodriguez, & Roper,2010). In addition, therapists areethically obligated to provide equaladvocacy among the partners (Butleret al., 2010). Equal advocacy warrantsboth partners have access to allpertinent relationship information(Butler et al., 2010). Butler andcolleagues (2009) suggest that equaladvocacy also involves relationshipchoice, which can only be attainedthrough full disclosure. Thus, bothparties should be privy to anyinformation regarding theirrelationship, so the choice to be in therelationship is made freely (Butler etal., 2010). If one partner withholdsinformation, this puts the spouse in aninferior position and challenges thetherapist’s ability to maintain equaladvocacy. The actively withheldpertinent relationship information maycause inferior partners to lack fullThe Wren's Nest 11awareness of the current dynamics oftheir relationships. As a result, thefreedom to make an educatedrelationship choice is hindered. In thepresence of an infidelity secret, atherapist’s ethical obligations ofconfidentiality and equal advocacycollide.Therapists’ Decision-Making andDisclosure: A Power ShiftDisclosure of an infidelity secretto a therapist alters the therapeuticrelationship and creates concern forethical obligations. The therapeuticrelationship is affected by therevelation of an infidelity secret by theoffending partner to the therapist,because the therapeutic alliancebecomes distorted, the relationship istriangulated, and equal advocacy isexcluded (Butler et al., 2010). Thetherapist’s power over the relationshipdynamics increases upon receipt ofthe infidelity secret. Thus, a therapist’sresponse to the disclosed infidelitysecret is a key determinant for thefuture course of the couple’streatment (Butler et al., 2009). Butlerand colleagues believe it is essentialthat the therapist’s response beethically defensible and based in atheoretical understanding ofrelationship dynamics. A therapistshould use clinical judgment toanticipate possible outcomes of anydecision. Once the therapist hasdecided upon a course of action, it isessential to develop and document aclear clinical protocol (Butler et al.,2009).Choosing to Disclose an InfidelitySecretBy harboring an infidelity secret,the therapist and offending partnermake the relationship decision for theoffended partner (Butler et al., 2010).Without full disclosure of relevantrelationship information, the offendedpartner is in a disadvantaged positionand lacks the freedom to makerelationship choices. A therapist canchoose to destruct this power shift bydisclosing the infidelity secret orrequiring the offending partner todisclose it. This would protect theequal advocacy within the relationship.Whether infidelity is disclosed ornot, “free floating” (p. 135)repercussions will reveal themselves(Butler et al., 2009). Butler andcolleagues (2009) explain that theoffending and offended spouse maynot understand where the formationof stressors like emotional distanceand physical withdrawal stem from;however, the effects will be felt.Without addressing the infidelitysecret, it is difficult for the partiesinvolved to identify the infidelity as theroot cause. Disclosure allows the rootof the negative feelings to beidentified so that healing may begin totake place.One must also consider the natureof secrets when deciding whether todisclose the infidelity. A secret has noexpiration date. In order to ensure itnever affects the relationship, theoffending spouse must perfectly andpermanently conceal the secret (Butleret al., 2009). If the offender does not,the deceit tied to hiding the infidelityhas shown to be more harmful to arelationship than the infidelity itself(Butler et al., 2009). Couples can healfrom infidelity; however, deceit hasbeen shown to cause a more intensetrauma to the relationship (Butler etal., 2010). Furthermore, the risk of12 The William & Mary Educational Reviewharm caused by free floatingrepercussions remains as long as thesecret is in place.Nondisclosure of an InfidelitySecretNondisclosure is believed toprotect the marriage from unnecessarydistress that significantly increases thelikelihood of divorce (Butler et al.,2009). A therapist and offendingpartner who choose nondisclosuremay feel that disclosing the infidelitywill serve no benefit to the overallgood of the relationship. The therapistmay justify this choice based on anethical obligation of confidentiality tothe offending partner. Therapists maysee accommodating the infidelitysecret as a routine adherence to theirethical codes (Butler et al., 2010).Butler and colleagues (2010)found that 95% of surveyed therapistswould rarely or never disclose aninfidelity secret to the offendedspouse. This statistic is surprisingconsidering the “negative perceptionsof infidelity and other relationship-relevant secrets in couple therapy,”(Butler et al., 2010, p. 83). However,considering the majority of couplesremain in marriages after disclosure,this statistic is closely aligned withviews supporting the therapist andoffending partner’s choices not todisclose an infidelity secret (Butler etal., 2009). Some believe disclosing theinfidelity secret to one’s spouse causesmore harm than benefit (Butler et al.,2010). The sole reason offenderswould confess to infidelity is to relievetheir conscience (Butler et al., 2009).Admitting wrongdoing removes theguilt tied to indiscretion. However, therelationship does not benefit from theconfession. In fact, admission ofinfidelity to the offended spouse willbe only further traumatizing.Butler and colleagues (2009)discuss various viewpoints supportingnondisclosure of infidelity secretsbecause of the likelihood ofretraumatizing the offended partner.This school of thought stems fromthe belief that a relationship can healand move forward without thedisclosure of the infidelity.Furthermore, the focus of thetherapeutic process can shift toblaming and shaming the offendingpartner (Butler et al., 2009). This shiftin focus contributes toretraumatization of the offendedpartner. Rather than focusing onhealing the relationship and movingpast the infidelity, therapeutic time isspent dwelling on the betrayal.Informed Consent: A PossibleSolutionInfidelity secrets put theoffending spouse, offended spouse,and therapist in a difficult situationbalancing morals, ethics, andfreedoms. It is a balancing act betweenbetrayals of people and values. Thefinal decision on disclosure, though,rests on the therapist. Butler andcolleagues (2010) claim the surest wayto form a therapeutic relationship builton trust, where the therapist can act asan equal advocate, is by obtaininginformed consent at the beginning oftherapy. Preferably, the consent shouldestablish an expectation that therelationship will be open and withoutindividual privileged communication(Butler et al., 2010). Butler andcolleagues also posit that although fulldisclosure is favored, alternatively,therapists could include in theirinformed consent that privately sharedThe Wren's Nest 1314 The William & Mary Educational Reviewinformation will not be disclosed.Ideally, therapists choose to informparticipating couples of the benefitsof creating an open and honestenvironment free from secrets at theonset of their therapeutic relationship.However, informing both clients ofdecided limitations on confidentialityat the start of the therapeuticrelationship is the most importantcomponent.Exceptions to DisclosureSpecial attention should be givento specific situations that may meritnondisclosure. Although disclosure ispreferred, under special circumstancesnondisclosure may be a better option.Additional consideration should begiven in situations where the offendedperson is suffering from a terminalillness, divorce is definite, abuse mayresult from disclosure, or one of thepartners suffers from a form ofpsychopathology that puts theoffended spouse at risk for harm(Butler et al., 2010). In these instances,the therapist may decide that revealingthe infidelity in no way benefits thefuture of the relationship. In fact,disclosure could cause unnecessaryharm to the relationship or personsinvolved. These circumstances requirethe therapist to rely on clinicalexperience and expertise to decide ifdisclosure or nondisclosure is best forthe clients.ConclusionAn infidelity secret permeates thetherapeutic environment andperversely impacts the therapeuticrelationship. At the disclosure of aninfidelity secret, a therapist must weighthe ethical obligations ofconfidentiality against the need forequal advocacy among all parties.Although many couples repair bondsdestroyed by infidelity, the traumacaused at the hand of deceit is moredifficult to mend. Addressing infidelitysecrets at the onset of a therapeuticrelationship by outlining a consentpolicy that does not tolerate individualprivileged communication is the mostcertain manner to form an effectivetherapeutic environment thatpreserves confidentiality and allowsthe therapist to serve as an equaladvocate.ReferencesButler, M. H., Harper, J. M., & Seedall, R. B. (2009).Facilitated disclosure versus clinicalaccommodation of infidelity secrets: An earlypivot point in couple therapy. Part 1: Couplerelationship ethics, pragmatics, and attachment.Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 35, 125-143. doi: 10.1111/j.1752-0606.2008.00106Butler, M. H., Feinauer, L. L., Rodriguez, M. K. A., &Roper, S.O. (2010). Infidelity secrets in coupletherapy: Therapists’ views on the collision ofcompeting ethics around relationship-relevantsecrets. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, 17, 82-105. doi: 10.1080/10720161003772041Megan L. Johnson (B.I.S., Arizona State University) is a clinical mental healthcounseling masters student in the Department of School Psychology andCounselor Education at the College of William & Mary. Her research interestsinclude patient and family members’ coping with chronic and terminal illness. Sheis completing her practicum at the Peninsula Cancer Institute in Newport News,Virginia.

Disclosure of Fidelity Secrets in a Therapeutic Setting

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Disclosure of Fidelity Secrets in a Therapeutic Setting

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