A diversity subject, rarely discussed, is how we interact with our gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered colleagues. While it is a very uncomfortable subject for many, we can only begin to grow in our awareness if we begin the dialog. This article brings a voice to this topic with the hope to facilitate this journey of acceptance and inclusion

Myers, Jeffrey D

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Clemson University: TigerPrints

The Journal of Extension Volume 46 Number 4 Article 2 8-1-2008 Interacting with Your Gay and Lesbian Colleague Jeffrey D. Myers Penn State Cooperative Extension- York County, jdm30@psu.edu This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 4.0 License. Recommended Citation Myers, J. D. (2008). Interacting with Your Gay and Lesbian Colleague. The Journal of Extension, 46(4), Article 2. https://tigerprints.clemson.edu/joe/vol46/iss4/2 This Commentary is brought to you for free and open access by the Conferences at TigerPrints. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Journal of Extension by an authorized editor of TigerPrints. For more information, please contact kokeefe@clemson.edu. 	 JOEHOME JOURNAL GUIDELINES ABOUT	JOE CONTACT NATIONAL	JOB	BANKCurrent	Issues Back	IssuesAugust	2008	//	Volume	46	//	Number	4	//	Commentary	//	4COM10Interacting	with	Your	Gay	and	Lesbian	ColleagueAbstractA	diversity	subject,	rarely	discussed,	is	how	we	interact	with	our	gay,	lesbian,	bisexual,	andtransgendered	colleagues.	While	it	is	a	very	uncomfortable	subject	for	many,	we	can	only	beginto	grow	in	our	awareness	if	we	begin	the	dialog.	This	article	brings	a	voice	to	this	topic	with	thehope	to	facilitate	this	journey	of	acceptance	and	inclusion.	We	are	all	on	a	journey.	That	is	a	reality.	I	am	grateful	for	my	journey	as	a	gay	man.	It	has	beenone	of	a	deeper	and	a	more	powerful	self-acceptance.	I	have	found	it	equally	gratifying	to	watchmy	family,	friends,	and	coworkers	in	their	journey.	They	have	markedly	changed	as	they	haveprocessed	new	information	and	gained	experiences.	I	have	observed	each	of	these	individualsbecome	more	comfortable,	more	supportive.	and	more	willing	to	demonstrate	a	level	of	supportthey	may	never	have	imagined.And	yet	my	experience	in	Cooperative	Extension	has	shown	that	while	we	are	moving	along	in	thatjourney,	we	have	significant	work	to	do	in	order	to	gain	a	higher	level	of	acceptance	for	gay,lesbian,	bisexual,	and	transgendered	individuals.	Acceptance	at	its	most	basic	level	is	anacknowledgement	of	who	you	are--a	person	of	a	specific	sexual	orientation,	with	the	samehumanity	as	everyone	else.	This	acceptance	is	critical	to	a	healthy	work	environment	for	allcolleagues,	as	well	as	to	an	organization	aiming	to	be	accessible	to	those	who	define	themselvesas	coming	from	those	communities.	There	is	never	really	a	specific	destination	in	this	journey,	butrather	a	positive	approach	for	continual	change.What	Is	The	Current	State	of	the	Issue?In	the	2007	Penn	State	Outreach	Diversity	Climate	Survey	Executive	Summary	(of	which	Extensionis	one	unit),	6%	of	survey	participants	designated	themselves	part	of	an	underrepresented	groupbased	on	sexual	orientation.	Sexual	orientation	tied	as	the	characteristic	most	frequentlymentioned	regarding	negative	experiences.Sixty-five	percent	of	the	employees	who	consider	themselves	members	of	anunderrepresented	group	based	on	sexual	orientation	reported	that	they	have	hidden	ordownplayed	their	sexual	orientation	when	dealing	with	a	supervisor	or	with	colleaguesdue	to	fear	of	negative	consequences.	Fifty-three	percent	reported	that	they	have	feltintimidated	by	others	because	of	their	sexual	orientation.One	critical	aspect	to	sexual	orientation	is	the	lack	of	a	key	visual	component.	While	not	always,many	aspects	of	diversity	have	such	a	visual	element--gender,	race,	physical	disability.	There	aremany	stereotypic	traits	associated	with	being	gay	or	lesbian,	but	we	can't	be	truly	certain	simplyby	observation.I	recently	spoke	to	a	class	of	teachers	working	on	their	Masters	Degree,	and	20	of	the	25participants	said	they	had	virtually	no	exposure	to	anyone	gay	or	lesbian.	I	shared	with	them	thatmost	of	them	probably	had	more	exposure	than	they	realized,	because	they	lived	in	a	regionwhere	many	people	did	not	feel	safe	to	be	"out"	(open	about	their	sexual	orientation).	This	skewstheir	perception,	because	in	their	personal	reality,	what	is	not	part	of	their	awareness	does	notJeffrey	D.	MyersCounty	Extension	DirectorPenn	State	Cooperative	Extension	-	York	CountyYork,	Pennsylvaniajdm30@psu.eduseem	to	exist.So	we	should	never	feel	as	if	the	issue	is	not	relevant	to	our	lives.	The	gay	colleagues	I	have	met	inExtension	have	more	often	not	been	open	about	their	sexual	orientation	and	stated	that	they	werefearful	of	negative	consequences.Why	Is	This	Relevant?Recently	on	a	television	news	program	it	was	stated	that	the	most	important	factor	in	people	beingsatisfied	in	their	work	place	was	that	an	interest	was	taken	in	their	lives	so	that	they	did	not	feellike	they	worked	in	anonymity.	This	speaks	volumes	to	the	gay	person	in	the	work	environment.	Ifcolleagues	know	a	coworker	is	gay,	they	are	typically	less	prone	to	ask	the	typical	questions	askedof	other	coworkers:	"What	did	you	do	this	past	weekend?"	"How	is	your	family?"	"Where	did	you	goon	vacation?"	Of	course,	the	other	side	of	the	coin	is	the	comfort	level	of	the	gay	colleague.	If	theenvironment	is	not	safe	for	the	individual,	then	he	or	she	will	most	likely	not	be	comfortableanswering	any	of	those	questions	or	do	so	carefully	choosing	pronouns	as	to	keep	their	informationvague.The	inference	that	information	needs	to	be	secret	or	hushed	carries	the	implication	that	theworkplace	would	condemn	the	individual.	In	order	to	have	colleagues	exhibit	greater	acceptance,Extension	leadership	must	initiate	professional	development.	Speaking	about	all	other	groups	ofdiversity	but	ignoring	homosexuality	would	slow	the	pace	towards	greater	acceptance.	We	areeach	at	such	different	places	in	terms	of	our	comfort.	There	is	no	right	or	wrong	in	our	comfortlevels--we	are	a	product	of	those	life	experiences	that	have	exposed	us	to	those	who	are	gay	andlesbian	to	this	point	in	time.The	Personal	StoryAs	part	of	one	performance	review	I	was	counseled	(with	good	intention)	to	not	discuss	any	part	ofmy	personal	life	because	colleagues	claimed	to	be	uncomfortable.	Imagine	how	I	felt	as	colleaguesspoke	about	whom	they	were	dating,	their	family,	children,	and	friends,	knowing	that	I	was	advisedto	deny	myself	the	same	basic	privilege.	I	observed	my	Extension	colleagues	in	teaching	settingsoften	citing	a	personal	scenario	related	to	their	home	life.	With	the	guidance	I	had	been	given,	Iwould	not	be	able	to	do	the	same.	There	is	a	basic	lack	of	human	equality	that	exists	in	counsel	tobasically	hide	one's	life.	Institutionally,	this	means	there	was	no	obligation	put	on	colleagues	togrow,	and	all	responsibility	to	adjust	was	put	on	the	gay	employee.As	Extension	employees,	we	are	directly	connected	with	people	and	care	about	our	colleagues	andour	clients.	I	remember	my	coming	out	to	a	past	administrator.	While	she	was	accepting,	she	wasobservably	uncomfortable	with	me	sharing	the	information.	She	was	very	compassionate	andremarked	that	my	private	life	was	my	private	life	and	that	I	did	not	really	need	to	share	it	with	her.I	offered	her	the	following	situation.	I	told	her	that	if	her	husband	died,	we	as	her	work	familywould	be	understanding	and	could	support	her	in	the	work	setting	as	she	progressed	through	thegrieving	process.	Then	I	shared	that,	on	the	other	hand,	if	it	were	not	known	that	I	had	a	partnerand	he	likewise	had	died,	there	would	be	no	opportunity	for	collegial	support	to	which	I	felt	I	wasequally	entitled.	The	administrator	clearly	had	an	epiphany	at	that	moment	and	thanked	me	forproviding	an	insight	that	had	never	been	within	her	grasp.I	have	had	my	own	personal	negative	experiences.	I	have	been	the	source	of	gossip	and	referredto	by	the	crudest	of	terms	by	educators,	and	one	colleague	virtually	quit	all	communication	withme	for	over	8	months.	But,	quite	frankly,	none	of	this	is	as	hurtful	as	being	denied	the	basichumanity	of	being	asked	about	my	life.	One	of	my	most	special	moments	in	my	current	Extensionposition	was	when	Marge,	one	of	our	stalwart	and	brassy	dairy	leaders	who	knew	I	was	gay,	cameup	to	me	at	the	Dairy	Round-up	and	point	blank	asked	if	I	had	met	someone	yet.	She	asked	thequestion	without	any	regard	to	who	was	around	or	who	might	overhear.	I	was	amused	that	she	wasso	evolved.	She	asked	the	question	that	showed	she	cared	and	the	same	question	she	would	haveasked	someone	who	was	"straight."The	ChallengeCould	you	so	easily	ask	such	a	question?	Don't	berate	yourself	if	you	cannot.	Just	consider	it	achallenge	on	your	journey	to	understanding	your	gay	colleague	and	exhibiting	the	samecompassionate	humanity	that	you	would	offer	any	other	coworker.Before	an	institution	changes,	each	one	of	us	can	make	a	difference.	It	lies	in	the	words	we	speak,the	words	we	tolerate	being	spoken,	the	way	we	treat	people	individually,	and	our	openness	tolearn.	Discussion

Interacting with Your Gay and Lesbian Colleague

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Interacting with Your Gay and Lesbian Colleague

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