This poem articulates the challenging and often misunderstood experience of being a mother in medical school It describes a silent load that often takes a toll on mothers in medicine It describes the feeling of simultaneously being pulled in opposing directions, the pain of missing on special family moments and events The poem offers hope and solidarity for mothers who are enduring this unique experience

Pendlebury, Gehan A

English

NSU Works

be Still Volume 6 Article 12 Fall 2022 Medicine and Motherhood: The Silent Loads Gehan A. Pendlebury Nova Southeastern University, gp855@mynsu.nova.edu Follow this and additional works at: https://nsuworks.nova.edu/bestill  Part of the Creative Writing Commons, Fine Arts Commons, Medical Education Commons, Medical Humanities Commons, and the Mental and Social Health Commons Recommended Citation Pendlebury, Gehan A. (2022) "Medicine and Motherhood: The Silent Loads," be Still: Vol. 6, Article 12. Available at: https://nsuworks.nova.edu/bestill/vol6/iss1/12 This Poem is brought to you for free and open access by the College of Osteopathic Medicine at NSUWorks. It has been accepted for inclusion in be Still by an authorized editor of NSUWorks. For more information, please contact nsuworks@nova.edu. ABOUT THE POET Gehan “Gigi” Pendlebury is an aspiring military dermatologist,commissioned Navy ensign (ENS), and medical student at KPCOM and servesin the United States Navy Medical Corps Reserves. As a Navy medical student,she follows her calling to serve current and past military service members withthe utmost quality of care using a whole-person approach.She obtained her bachelor’s degree in psychology with minors in publichealth and criminology from Rutgers. Her research background includesundergraduate research activities in public health and clinical psychology.Currently, her research has focused on dermatopathology, operational skindisease, interventional pain management, traumatic brain injury, chronic pain,post-traumatic stress disorder among combat veterans and military servicemembers.She enjoys spending time outdoors with her husband and three-year-olddaughter. She loves Cross-Fit and optimizing her athletic performance.Dedicated to Amira Pendlebury, my heart, my soul, my universe. It was all for you. The Silent LoadThere’s a silent load in medicine It ebbs and flows Years and years of hard workFull of highs and lows. The sacrifices come in so many forms-being pulled away from family and my homeMissed moments, special events, always feeling torn. Yet, I must keep moving —more to learn, more to juggle. The mental load builds and builds. It often seems there’s just no time to struggle.“This too shall pass,” they all say. My doubts creep in and I question,Are these feelings appropriate, every day? Depleted from burn-out, I ask GodWasn’t this supposed to be exciting and fun?M3, out of the classroom and into the hospitalsAnd somehow, I just want to be done.I want to be back home with my baby and soaking every moment. Cherishing every smile, every hug.There’s deep anguish within – it all feels stolen.It’s the melancholic joy of seeing Mommy friends welcome Baby #2,while you’re out and off to the ICU.Oh, how beautiful, Baby #3and I start to wonder, Could that ever be me?Family support may fail – again and again .Medicine says, “Don’t expect them to get it.”Perhaps there is strength and courage to be found in these moments, if I let it.Through the silent load, we must find our voice,Look within, dig deep, hold on.Stay empowered and strong – it’s all a choice. So, for now I will take a deep breath and push onward.You can do this Gigi! I’ll say, again and again. Remember why I went into medicineit’s the same now, as it was thenOne more time, You can do this Gigi!I’ll rejuvenate, protect my peace, sweat it out,and of course, get more sleep.I pray one day I’ll look back on a life beautifully designed. Full of sacrifices and a love for medicine A space where I truly shined.FIGURE 1. "SHE’LL BE SO PROUD OF YOU," THEY SAY. FIGURE 2. IF I COULD BUY ANYTHING, I WOULD BUY TIME. FIGURE 3. “LOOK, I’M A PRINCESS!”FIGURE 4. SHE IS CLOTHED IN STRENGTH AND DIGNITY, AND SHE LAUGHS WITHOUT FEAR OF THE FUTURE. FIGURE 5. AND NOW THESE THREE VIRTUES REMAIN: FAITH, HOPE, AND LOVE. BUT THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE.POET’S STATEMENTGIGI PENDLEBURY“This poem articulates the challenging and often misunderstood experience ofbeing a mother in medical school. It describes a silent load that often takes a tollon mothers in medicine.It describes the feeling of simultaneously being pulled in opposing directions, thepain of missing on special family moments and events. The poem offers hopeand solidarity for mothers who are enduring this unique experience.”

Medicine and Motherhood: The Silent Loads

https://nsuworks.nova.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1181&context=bestill

Medicine and Motherhood: The Silent Loads

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