Kabealo, Ruksana

English

OSU Libraries Digital Journal Publishing (Ohio State University)

28Anxiety                                                                                      The world is going to die at my door tomorrow.I’m sure of it.Or if not tomorrow, then the next day.Someday,Someday soon,Everything as I know it is going to fall apart.I’m waiting. —Ruksana KabealoIrreducible                                                                                 I’m not good at writing these kinds of thingsBecause nothing I say feels like enough  I can’t just say how I love your laugh Even though it’s the most adorable thing in the worldAnd I would make weird angles in parking lotsIn the dead of winterJust to walk with you a little longer I can’t just say how I love your eyes And how they shine They don’t just reflect the lightThey shine with this warmth of their ownHow they’re a deep greenWith shoots of brown reaching out from the centers Like a firework exploding behind each pupil But sometimes they’re different colors altogetherand I still don’t understand how that works. I can’t just say how much I love the way you look at the worldHow you can care about something so deeply  That just talking about it changes youYou get this gleam in your eyes, this intensity to your voiceAnd I could listen to you foreverHow, for you, it’s not a matter of whether there’sgood left on this earthIt’s just a matter of finding it29 Or how much I love every inch of your skinScars included I can’t just tell you those things Because they aren’t enough They’re just a various assortment of detailsSmall pieces of an infinite portraitThey’re not youYou are you And my words can’t do you justice You defy languageYou defy any attempt to capture your essence I can’t put pen to paper and capture this feelingI get in my chest whenever I think of you Believe me, I’ve tried I’m not good at writing these kinds of thingsBecause you are not reducible to any body part,any moment in time,any smileNo matter how greatYou are you And I love you  —Ruksana KabealoAn Ode to the Boy in Dark Blue Jeans on the Pink Kawasaki Ninja 300 The speed limit on my street is 35mph You race down it at double that, easy I can hear the roar of your bike’s engine a full mile before I can even see your frame on the horizon Its summerMid-July, in factThe asphalt radiates heat in wavesBathing everything in shimmering air You’re no exceptionWhen I first saw youI thought you were a mirage Nothing so bold and loud has passed through this sleepy southern town in ages30But I knew from the disgruntled faces of reproachful neighborsMomentarily stirred to life by the noiseThat you were, indeed, realWhen you take that hairpin turn at the end of the roadThe one with a posted speed of 15mphThe one with numerous petitions to be rebuiltThe one with the wall that, by the end of the summer, will be covered in different colors of paintEach color representing a car it’s claimedYou don’t slow downYou don’t even think about slowing down You accelerate Like your life depends on itMy mother,Standing at the kitchen window,Clucks her tongue in disapproval every time she sees you pass by “What in God’s name is that boy thinking? He’s going to get himself killed!” But I know what you’re thinking I want to get out of here as fast as I can tooI want to speed through this small town until it blurs together before my eyes tooI understand You’re punching it like an astronaut escaping Earth’s gravity Helmet on, leaning forward Needing that extra speed to get across this city limit Before you become trapped here like the rest of us Sucked in by the horrible force that is habitYou weren’t meant for this mediocrityYou were meant for greatness,And you’re going to achieve itOr die trying…Every time you take that turn at the end of the roadAfter you’re out of sight I listen for that fading rumble Just to make sure you’ve made it across alive I am your mission control If I can’t get outta here, At least I can watch you try  —Ruksana Kabealo   

An Ode to the Boy in Dark Blue Jeans on the Pink Kawasaki Ninja 300

https://library.osu.edu/ojs/index.php/cr/article/download/5088/4341

An Ode to the Boy in Dark Blue Jeans on the Pink Kawasaki Ninja 300

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OSU Libraries Digital Journal Publishing (Ohio State University)