“Chained to the bed”: Despairing, depressed, and trapped by fatherhood

Abstract

Postnatal depression is routinely diagnosed in mothers, with an array of support available from healthcare professionals. Conversely, it is often not recognized as a condition affecting fathers, despite evidence suggesting that prevalences are similar. This study focused on the lived experiences of eight UK fathers with postnatal depression and identified a common sense of being trapped, needing to escape but being unable to. The role of fatherhood and its associated cultural expectations forced a situation where fathers must stay and survive, despite being miserable and experiencing intense despair. Fathers knew what was expected of them-they were aware of the need to be a “breadwinner” but at the same time knew their partners needed support at home. Struggling to achieve resulted in them feeling like failures. Fathers described being under a “dark cloud”, or in a “dark hole”, with depression being all consuming and impeding their functioning. One father described being “chained to the bed” and unable to attend to his infant at night. Despite the impact depression had on them, some fathers were reluctant to seek help. They rejected antidepressant medication. Work and the gym provided them some space just to “be”, and allowed them to escape the pressures of home life in a legitimate way. Some fathers were suicidal and unable to see a way out of their darkness. Fathers wanted to develop attachments to their infants and be happy. Support is needed for fathers’ mental health